Adam Sr wrote:FUCKLIFEThink it's safe to say that George Michael's career trajectory would've taken a sharp turn had Wham! used that as as their preferred slogan in the video for "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go."Pasta wrote:NO PM

Next thing you're gonna tell me Katrina & The Waves were also party to this whole 1980s Top 40 thanatos thing.

On that note, I'm off to pen my latest spoof song, "Karma Kevorkian."

little bit depressedwill get over it

JohnnySomersett wrote:Easy fix, right? Quit your job. Done. The one key issue is that I'm completely un-qualified in anything. So I'm trapped.You have 14 years experience in the plumbing supplies industry. I bet you know a shitload about it. Time served is very important and often employers are more interested in your recent employment experience than your qualifications. Plus you have supervisory/management experience, I bet lots of places are looking for that.If you'd rather re-train, then have a look into what kind of funding the Learning and Skills Council/ your local college provide. You may need to be unemployed to get access to the funding (say you need it to increase your employability as you can't find a job). I did this myself a couple of years ago and it worked wonders for me.I know from experience what a massive bummer being unemployed is, but you do currently have a job, so you could always bank some money before you leave for medical reasons. Make sure you and your employer are aware you are leaving for medical reasons (go see your GP about depression, get yourself some medically ordered time off, your employer can't argue with that) and you will have less shit to deal with from the jobcentre if you have to make a claim. You've paid your taxes so you have put plenty into the system and should be able to take some out if you want.With regards to staying employed, I've been through the whole 'job driving me nuts' thing, it's very very common. The way I've tried to deal with it is to always give myself something to look forward to. Time off, holiday, music projects, whatever. If you don't have anything to look forward to it can really get you down.(This is not some cheery person trying to dish out advice. I have suffered/do suffer from suicidal thoughts and depression and I know what it's like. Each individual's situation is different, but we do what we can to help each other out.)

So, I've managed to get myself into a really shitty situation (headspace-wise). It's entirely work-related but I'm definitely trapped to an extent. I've worked for the same company for 14 years, worked my way up, gradually earn't more & more money and have been living pretty damn comfortably. I have been trying to get the opportunity to run my own shop with the company (we're a Plumbing supplier) for about 8 years and finally I got given the chance at the beginning of this year. The trouble is, instead of the usual way of being given the choice of a town local to you to open one from scratch, I've inherited an old shithole of a shop and in a town I do not know. It's not going well. Through no fault of my own its hemorrhaging money & shows no sign of improving despite all my best efforts. This whole situation has made me realise i hate my job. I mean, really fucking hate it...to the point where I've been close to panic attacks again, my insomnia is back with a vengeance and I'm permanently miserable. I hate the industry, I hate the people and the mentality they have.Easy fix, right? Quit your job. Done. The one key issue is that I'm completely un-qualified in anything. So I'm trapped. I know I want out of anything to do with sales and/or customer services, and after doing some long hard thinking, I know I'll be happier doing something that involves using my hands (joinery, metalwork, etc) but all of those fields need me to have some level of qualification to even start at the bottom...and the bottom isn't going to cover the basic bills we have. I turned 36 yesterday and an apprentice wage wont cover the mortgage. I have found some evening/weekend courses but that's going to set me back 5000+ to get halfway there, then I have to find a job that will take me at this age, with low experience.I have no idea what to do and it's spiralling pretty rapidly.

Staying in bed all day is better than hurting or killing myself. Just watching TV and eating cereal is better than staying in bed. Just taking a walk is better than not going outside at all. Getting one thing done is better than not getting anything done. That's as far I as I seem to get. After years and years, just getting past stage one can still be as hard as anything. I'm not finding any of it to get easier. Better is a measure of how often I wind up further down the list. I don't know that the past few years have been worth it. It might not lead to anything and there has been about three good weeks of time over three years. There's so much work to do or alternatively, so much faking to do to have just a chance at something better. I keep trying and my situation keeps getting worse. I just can't keep up. I'm so tired all the time. I used to be able to navigate this. Now that I'm so isolated it is hard to keep track of things. Everything is so exhausting. I'll have a day or two where I catch a break and feel good enough to be productive. Six consecutive days is as long as I've been able to go with normal days and work without crashing. This isn't a sustainable life. I wonder if I'd have a legitimate claim to disability. I don't understand any of that stuff. The one time I started to look into it, I was heavily shamed and intimidated out of it. I caught my self thinking about who I'd want to get my stuff if I died (there's only friends I haven't seen in years on that list). I'm going to call an old therapist.

Yesterday I was working on fixing up the apartment we moved into a year ago, and thinking it would be nice to share it with people, maybe my extended family.And then I realised that neither of my parents have ever set foot in or seen any of the many places of my own that I have had since I left the States at twenty, meaning basically all of the places I've lived in these nearly 25 years of my adult life, and that they will die without having done so (my dad will live out the rest of his days safely under lockdown in memory care if he is lucky and I have realised that my 75-year-old mom is no longer in the physical or really even mental shape to deal with what flying has become, and no one is going to bring her over).I can't shake this realisation, this thought.I have come far enough to realise that this state of affairs is/was not normal and that I am allowed to feel however I want about it. And I feel sad and angry, but mostly very sad.Well, these days, for numerous reasons, this forum feels like the best place to share it and move on. Thanks for listening.

Hey VSG - I'm dismayed that your post here went unanswered. You're a decent, stand-up guy whose posts and views I frequently enjoy. The small work of doing something rather than nothing is a thing I identify with strongly, being a worthwhile human is really about making those simple choices rather than the grand gestures. I hope you're well and I am trying to do those things myself.And Jimmy that sounds tough - I don't know anything about you but it sounds like you had to make a break with a situation which wasn't right for you, and the realisation that it's not going to come good requires you to give up a little hope. But it sounds as if you've got better places to put your hope these days, maybe that's what you have gained in excess of what you lost.Shit, walking Hallmark card here, life is fucking hard and some days all I want is to know that others are facing up to it as well.

Thanks. I mostly post in this thread to have an exercise in not being secretive or ashamed. It's mostly confessional. I also hope that if anyone has the misfortune of sharing these depressive experiences that there may be some comfort in knowing they are not alone in doing so. That said, I always appreciate the kind words people here find to offer me. I actually had a bit of a fever break with the depression yesterday. It all started by getting to an appointment an hour early and taking the time to read a chapter in a book for pleasure. I managed to not fall asleep when I got home; I struggle with fatigue with most of my days punctured by irregular naps and difficulty focusing. I got some sunlight and had a nice chat with family. Today has been less productive, but more pleasant nonetheless. I hope to get more reading and mundane work done tomorrow. Jimmy, your situation is different than mine so I don't know how relevant the following may be. I have experienced some negative feelings (guilt is not quite the right word) in moving away from my family after college. For them Michigan or Ohio may as well be Europe (though I've been fortunate enough to visit them yearly). It still hurts that I wasn't around for much of my significantly younger brother. I tried to tell myself that I was showing him that people can get out of that place, but that was at the expense of not being there to guide him through the very problematic school system and so many other things that my parents just aren't equipped to help with. To later learn of the things he suffered that I could have helped him with that my folks just didn't understand was/is super hard. And yet living with my family again after I wiped out has had two sides. I have learned to cherish this opportunity to know my family as an adult while I also recognize that I could not have done well for myself here. I just don't fit and this arrange will have to be temporary. There's tension in those two aspects, but also a peace that comes with something true. Be well, everyone. Lots of love.