My second plunge into dadness happened a little over a month ago. I forgot how exhausting this stuff is at first.

night\_tools wrote:How do you guys deal with the concept of 'me-time'?Is it a universal truth that it disappears once you become a parent? Does it ever come back?How do you balance 'dad-time' with 'husband-time'?Am I being a terrible selfish prick for even wanting some?1. "me time" is now about finding short periods when I can get small things done amongst watching over the little ones. It has changed quite a bit. It is VERY targeted now.2. it doesn't disappear, but it takes planning to make sure it doesn't. The constant conversation with my wife, especially on weekends (I'm on a "straight days" work schedule) is "what is on your agenda today?" Even as a stay-at-home-Mom, my wife also needs "me time" to get her projects done and interests scratched. We have the talk, then figure out how to make it happen for each other.3. This hasn't seemed too hard. There were a number of years (3? 4?) where we didn't go out alone together at all. We feel a need to be primary care givers and not leave that to relatives or baby sitters. We both are strong on that point and realize there is a tradeoff to be made for the sake of the children. There is a teenager at home from my wife's first marriage and as she has gotten older and the kids have grown more comfortable around her, she has been useful watching the kids so we could go on a date once in a while. I think if you ask my wife, she'd say that when I'm on "dad time" I'm spelling her from "mom time" and that burnishes my rep as a good husband. The two concepts are kinda different faces of the same coin4. NO. As long as there is cooperation and open discussion about what you feel you need, you are not making unreasonable requests for some alone time

night\_tools wrote:Question for the dads:How do you guys deal with the concept of 'me-time'?Is it a universal truth that it disappears once you become a parent? Does it ever come back?How do you balance 'dad-time' with 'husband-time'?Am I being a terrible selfish prick for even wanting some?1) Very poorly. I was a fucking grouch. It was a huge source of contention early on, and came to a head a few times.2) It's gotten way better as the kids have grown and my wife doesn't feel so overwhelmed.3) We moved cross-country so I could drop the kids off at my parents house and have a date once/month.4) Not at all. Just remember that mom is definitely wanting some mom time also. We make trades. I get band practice for 3 hours every Sunday, she gets 3 hours to do whatever. We just make sure to give each other enough of a heads-up that it's not a surprise. I told her 4 days ago that I need to do some work on my car tomorrow, so it's on the calendar.

Question for the dads:How do you guys deal with the concept of 'me-time'?Is it a universal truth that it disappears once you become a parent? Does it ever come back?How do you balance 'dad-time' with 'husband-time'?Am I being a terrible selfish prick for even wanting some?

My wife and I have our regular solo nights. We each get at least one night a week to go to the gym and whatever else we might want to do while the other minds the home front. Bare minimum.And in general, we try to work with each other around other stuff: if my wife wants to spend a day with friends, she'll cover for me another day and pretty much force me out of the house: "Go to the drum store. Or the record store. Or go hang out with so-and-so -- but get out of the house. I've got it. We'll see you later."It takes a lot more work to make it happen, but so does everything post-kiddo.And you are about as far from a selfish prick as they come, my friend.

If you don't take/defend/protect a little time for yourself now and then you're going to become a resentful grumpy asshole, and those types of people never make good parents.I spend a lot of time doing stuff for kid/family but I still get to chill with my dudes and crank up the amps most Thursdays. During the six week interim between practice spaces a couple years ago, I did in fact become an asshole.

offal wrote:My wife and I have our regular solo nights. We each get at least one night a week to go to the gym and whatever else we might want to do while the other minds the home front. Bare minimum.And in general, we try to work with each other around other stuff: if my wife wants to spend a day with friends, she'll cover for me another day and pretty much force me out of the house: Go to the drum store. Or the record store. Or go hang out with so-and-so -- but get out of the house. I've got it. We'll see you later.It takes a lot more work to make it happen, but so does everything post-kiddo.And you are about as far from a selfish prick as they come, my friend.all of this +1000

Adam P wrote:My second plunge into dadness happened a little over a month ago. I forgot how exhausting this stuff is at first.Isn't that the truth. The first year can be really hard.Nate Dort wrote:1) Very poorly. I was a fucking grouch. It was a huge source of contention early on, and came to a head a few times.Me too. There are months where all I do is go to work, take care of the kids, and clean the house. Hardly a minute of solitude or personal time in the entire month. It can be so depressing.The difference between people who have parents that can help with the kids, and those, like me, who don't, is colossal.I have a buddy whose parents take the kids for a bit on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and his in-laws do Mondays and Wednesdays. I honestly can't even imagine what that is like. My parents take them 3 or 4 times a year. My wife's parents live far away and really want nothing to do with them anyway.djimbe wrote: me time is now about finding short periods when I can get small things done amongst watching over the little ones. It has changed quite a bit. It is VERY targeted now.So targeted! It's the only way to get anything done.

Maybe this will come out as ranting but I've been perplexed by my 4/almost 5 year old dude. For like 2 weeks he's had all these minor symptoms that don't seem to add up to anything. First he had a temp that went away. Then a couple days later he threw up a little. Then he's been doing the hand in the pants thing and having to go to the bathroom twice back to back. We thought it might be a UTI so we took him in. It was negative though they said he could be drinking more water. We went for a bike ride and he was all playful yesterday and slept 12 hours and woke up super tired, lethargic and sort of in a funk. I called his daycare and they said he's been a bit of a loaner all day and took like a 2 hour nap.It's just sort of weird for him. Growth Spurt? Some other weird illness? Weather changes? I myself had childhood cancer at exactly his age so I keep thinking in the back of my head, Fuck, am I missing the signs? Or maybe he just felt like playing alone. Maybe were to the age that he doesn't need a reason to be in a funk.