I'm glad to say that my anxiety has been much more manageable the last few months. I moved back to NC to live with family and save money. That sucks, but it has helped keep the number of variables limited. I've been going out fine. I have some health care here. The agoraphobia is a bit more manageable. For the life of my I struggle to write and get work finished. I know it has a lot to do with the shame and regrets of botching my degree work. On the scale of life and the bigger picture, I know it's not all that important. However, it was the point where my anxiety and depression first really took over my life. Since then I lost my career, my marriage, my home, my cats, and years later I still struggle to sustain the sort of focus and productivity I used to love. I can't even get close. There's very little employment where I'm living so I tend to do online freelance stuff. I hate it though. I hate the lack of structure. I've not been working at all lately. My vocational rehab coach said that I'm overqualified or under experienced for everything. I keep thinking of asking about finishing my degree, but I am too chicken shit to do it. There was lots of toxic bullshit with key people there.

Been kicking my butt the last year or so. no reason I can see for it.Oh wait.. the constant fear of failure might be it. This needs to stop, sans pharma.

rappard wrote:VaticanShotglass wrote:I keep thinking of asking about finishing my degreeOf course I'm being an armchair psychologist here, but that sounds like running back to the cliff at full speed: I would wait until life has more semblance of normalcy - although it sounds like you're getting there, slowly - and THEN start thinking about taking on a gargantuan task like that. Like I said in a previous post: baby steps.Yeah. Anxiety has a way of compressing things. Still, if I could divert some of my energy to something constructive, like I used to do, it would be nice. For now, just being able to enjoy reading high level stuff again has been a great pleasure. Going to try to ride that jam for a while.

Hello, Team Panic Team. How are you? I appreciate that my panic anxiety is now turning into dull staring inertia.Any tips for how to turn this into productivity? There's a real ballsack of a final exam on Thursday and I am! not! ready!Also my boss is mad at me and house hunting is the 9.5th circle of hell but at least I'm going camping Saturday morning.Just gotta get to Saturday [HEAD SLAM ON DESK]

Speedie wrote:Been kicking my butt the last year or so. no reason I can see for it.Oh wait.. the constant fear of failure might be it. This needs to stop, sans pharma.I lived in that mode for so long. Then I failed. Then I realized there was zero relief in failure (well, I did sleep for two weeks and seemingly got rest). But I did take time for myself. I had to. Now I wish I could have done so without all the burned bridges. I don't know how to make better sense of it than that. Maybe identify some new boundaries for yourself and really look into measures for self care. That's the only way to sustain real productivity. Counselors might have resources for this. But really, take care of yourself. Failure can come eitherway, but at least you will be in a better state of mind. I struggle with perfectionism, but really, failure shouldn't be this horrible thing. Life is full of good harvests and bad harvests and there's no universal ledger. The likely thing is that all the people who I used imagine as my judges most likely just don't give a shit about me at all. (You might have to suffer their bullshit, but it's not really a measure of your worth. It's just pragmatic, and there's no silver bullets.)bumble wrote:Hello, Team Panic Team. How are you? I appreciate that my panic anxiety is now turning into dull staring inertia.Any tips for how to turn this into productivity? There's a real ballsack of a final exam on Thursday and I am! not! ready!Also my boss is mad at me and house hunting is the 9.5th circle of hell but at least I'm going camping Saturday morning.Just gotta get to Saturday [HEAD SLAM ON DESK]I'm not the dude to help here as your week sounds more productive than my year. Just don't beat yourself up too much. My therapist would say stuff like that in these situations. Any people you feel comfortable studying with? Maybe get a friend to listen to you explain the content. Depending on content I know study tips, but none of it works without time management. As a rather dysfunctional ape, I don't understand that too well. If your anxiety feels related to this sort of blurring out, then it seems like maybe something needs to give. We only have so much energy.I come off really preachy here. Sorry about that. Feel free to say I'm full of shit. Hope the best for you, gang.

bumble wrote:Hello, Team Panic Team. How are you? LOL.Team Panic Team, indeed!

I know the anxiety stupor well. If you find an effective way out of it, please do share.

Hi Team.For the first time in 13 years, I am no longer taking medication for managing anxiety. It s been almost a month so far. There have been some gray days, but overall I am surprised and relieved with the results.I still struggle with anxiety and depression, but I have made enough progress in therapy and Working Through My Shit „¢ that this seems doable for the time being.It s odd -- I was in such a dark place for so long, with so little expectation of whether I d ever improve at all, that I wondered if medication might be a lifetime gig. I remain an advocate for medication, I and would resume treatment immediately if needed, but for now I am enjoying the change of pace, if for no other reason than to explore what the new baseline feels like.----Hats off to anyone struggling here or elsewhere. You folks posting in the Anxiety, Depression, Abstaining from Alcohol, and Fat Bastard threads are doing great work. Thank you for sharing your struggles with internet strangers. You are making a difference.