Just sad today. Contemplative and sad.

^ That's great. "The happy circuits still work", yoohoo, I like that.MatthewK wrote:And Jimmy that sounds tough - I don't know anything about you but it sounds like you had to make a break with a situation which wasn't right for you, and the realisation that it's not going to come good requires you to give up a little hope. But it sounds as if you've got better places to put your hope these days, maybe that's what you have gained in excess of what you lost.Thanks for the kind words, MatthewK. Absolutely. I still have to deal with the consequences/fallout, but I don't regret having made the break. My parents fucked up. I am not really sad for them anymore in this regard, that's their business. It's just kind of stunning. And odd when things reach this sort of finality although they are still around. And I am making the trek over twice a year, I'm still sustaining the relationship and embedding deeply with them like I have for decades, but it is easier to rationalise and get motivated when there is a grandkid in the mix. I am honestly glad that they live in a corner of the world full of the sort of natural beauty that makes me feel instantly at home and that I can share with my own family. I am lucky that my partner gets along very well with them (they are nice folks in spite of their failings as parents) and enjoys the visits. Just sad, that's all. And alone with the reality of it, alone when it comes to the family. As long as I don't have to actively sustain some other family narrative that's being pushed on me, I can live with it.

I just wanted to share that I had the loveliest day yesterday. Things remain hard, but a good friend who I only see once every several years was in the area and I got to spend all afternoon getting to know her daughter (who I only met when she was a little football sized baby) and her new husband. I also got to see her dad and brother who I've not seen in over a decade. It was just so nice to spend time with smart, kind people. I only mention it here in this thread, because, I don't know, it's all apart of the same thing. The good times are real too. Here's proof. I'm making record of it. Love and good people make all the difference. (Corollary: I need to get my hustle on and change my environment, get someplace better. The happy circuits still work.)Pasta, I hope you sad contemplation mellows to peaceful contemplation. Sometimes that can be a nice transition. Regardless, stay strong, comrade.

It speaks volumes to me that those who have wronged me very little-to-none, upon hearing my gripes, actually attempted to speak constructively, whereas the former friends who have wronged me the most by far just deflect and gaslight without a modicum of self-culpability. I'm more sad that I wasted 6 years on these fakes than anything TBH, and deep down I still care for them a bit, but above all I hope one day those assholes gain the self-reflective abilities to see how they're manipulative, hypocritical and fake. It's hilarious to me that these people treated me like dirt, like a backup friend for 6 years over people who later turned around and dumped their ass over petty shit like mentioning some old personal details to a Tinder match, yet they still haven't learned and act as though they can take advantage of me. I've given them more than enough chances.I dunno which would make me sadder/angrier, them being manipulative and fake deliberately, or out of ignorance and ass stupidity, but either way, 6 years of this kinda treatment is more than enough for me.The fact that I find it weird that my college friends actually invite me to things is utterly sad, and it speaks to the amt of bullshit I put up with for over half a decade

Time to leave the industry I have been in my entire life. Restaurants are too much. My cancer, and epilepsy make it really hard to do what is expected. Realizing how lucky I was at my last long term gig. Can't just quit. But, starting to look, again.

Just quit my band a few days ago. It's a bummer, but I need to take myself out of playing music for a while. Mental health work is exhausting but necessary, and I am already stretched thin. I barely enjoy listening to music right now, and I have been losing the required enthusiasm to play it. Decided it wasn't fair to the rest of the band to push through without heart until I can get out of my current funk.Working to simplify some things. To de-clutter. Will try some new techniques and hobbies. Take some breaks. Things will be fine. Or at least some version of fine. Just need to slow down a bit and do the work.-------------Sending strength and love to all comrades in this thread. I am grateful you're all fighting the fight and talking about it here. Thank you.

I'm scared and I'm, fuck, I'm way tired. I've been pushing hard to get better at my job, and I hope that's going to be recognised. I have no real evidence to make me believe that it won't be, but I have plenty of paranoia. The moment of truth will be in a couple of months, during which there's ample opportunity for me to fuck up. Whatever happens, before much longer I'm going to be the sole breadwinner between me and my man, and I hope I can earn enough for the pair of us. Right now, I don't. I want us to own our own home, I want to be able to support him in his work, and I want a room or a shed of my own. I'd like to lose about two pounds a week for the next two years, until I'm no longer massively, life-endangeringly overweight. I see-saw between states of mind where I feel moderately in control of my life and our future, and even fairly equal to the challenges it presents, and states of mind where everything I want feels utterly impossible as a result of life choices that it's far too late to do anything about and so I may as well get on with being self-destructive. I know the latter set of states are horseshit, but it does take effort to hold them off.

yeah striving to change things up a little usually helps. and ime theres almost always better music, i just have to figure out what i feel like. something that breaks up the monotony and hits you just so.

jeepers as one jane i couldn t possibly offer more than my heart which tells me stop it you guys! you are depressed and it s awful and i read your stories and have no answers but as a mind over matter female perspective I m offering some shred of care ... i have no advice, how naieve would i be to offer any... but know when you type out and submit your situation here it is heard and felt and prayed for

dfglove wrote:I'm scared and I'm, fuck, I'm way tired. I've been pushing hard to get better at my job, and I hope that's going to be recognised. I have no real evidence to make me believe that it won't be, but I have plenty of paranoia. The moment of truth will be in a couple of months, during which there's ample opportunity for me to fuck up. Whatever happens, before much longer I'm going to be the sole breadwinner between me and my man, and I hope I can earn enough for the pair of us. Right now, I don't. I want us to own our own home, I want to be able to support him in his work, and I want a room or a shed of my own. I'd like to lose about two pounds a week for the next two years, until I'm no longer massively, life-endangeringly overweight. I see-saw between states of mind where I feel moderately in control of my life and our future, and even fairly equal to the challenges it presents, and states of mind where everything I want feels utterly impossible as a result of life choices that it's far too late to do anything about and so I may as well get on with being self-destructive. I know the latter set of states are horseshit, but it does take effort to hold them off.what do you do for work?