noise&light wrote: Wed May 12, 2021 8:16 am Last year was maddening. My dad was battling cancer and I couldn't see him. He was sick and I'm immune system compromised so we just didn't see each other for a year. He's pretty old and is freaked out so it makes figuring out what is exactly going on with him a little difficult. Over time he started doing better; he's great at implementing lifestyle changes immediately, so they took him off chemo for a few months to see how he would hold up. Last week's diagnosis was grim. It's back and in more places in his stomach. Stage 4. Last year he was at 40% chance to live and this year, 30%.

I was just getting ready to tell them that I'm moving further away from them. I had gotten all these ducks in a row and wanted to tell them after I'd heard the good news. It's hard to know what to do or say. Having this come up again meant that I was a little more mentally prepared for this. Last year I was an utter mess. I don't want to make this about me at all, but I feel pretty helpless. I'm trying to support him and his new diet and willingness to try meditation. What else is there?

I'm so sorry, noise&light. This sounds very, very difficult. I'm sure your support means a lot to him! That's no small thing.

Had a Dr's appt yesterday and I have anemia. Most likely causes seem to be Celiac, Ulcer or Colon Cancer. 50% of my grandparents had this Cancer and I'm having a hard time with the news. I'm trying to wrap my head around how much time I've "wasted" in the last few years on things like a mobile phone, also trying to wrap my head around my kids losing their dad while they're so young.

Still have a month and a half to my follow up appt (thanks American Health Care System!) and I'm a little freaked out about how I'm going to cope during this time also.

No, I do not mind asking cancer to go fuck itself.

My mother would have been 66 next month. She passed three days after her 60th birthday.

My thoughts are with all of you who are dealing with this bullshit.

Cancer, go fuck yourself. With extreme prejudice.

Cancer can most certainly go fuck itself, as well as incompetent oncologists.

My BFF of the past 40+ years had a breast cancer many years ago. Chemo, radiation, etc., and she was cancer free. Over a year ago, she had a painful lump in the OTHER breast. Breast cancer, but different from the one previous. She had a mastectomy, and radiation. One day, she notes something is sprouting on her scar. The bad oncologists kept wanting to delay surgery, and put her on radiation that caused bad rad burns. This thing on her scar was now an oozing, bleeding, painful wound. Finally, she went for a second opinion at one of the premier teaching hospitals, with the best oncologists. At the exam, the new doc comments that they "left a lot behind". After diagnostic scans, the cancer on the scar has now attached itself to a rib. They removed all the cancer, AND 3 ribs, replacing the ribs with a titanium "rib cage". We were all breathing a big sigh of relief, that maybe she'd finally gotten ahead of this cancer. Next scans they do, to establish a baseline and see where she's at, they find a node in the lung. She's doing chemo again, not tolerating any of it very well. They've changed it up, but goddamnit, all that's left is the expertise of the oncology group and a ton of hoping that the tumor will disappear.

I really wish she hadn't stayed with her small suburban hospital oncologists as long as she did. I really hope she can beat this thing, and have as many good years to live as possible. Breaks my heart.

catwoman wrote: Sat Jun 05, 2021 8:52 pm
I really wish she hadn't stayed with her small suburban hospital oncologists as long as she did. I really hope she can beat this thing, and have as many good years to live as possible. Breaks my heart.

I can relate to this last section. I feel if my step mom had diligently followed up with her really good oncologist rather than sporadically following up with the OK local convenient doctor after she had a lumpectomy a few years ago she probably would have caught this last round of cancer early enough to make a difference.

Today I learned that my dear friend, that I've talked about upthread, is again in the hospital. The cancer has spread, they see stuff in the lungs and now in the brain. Another friend of ours visited her today, and it looks grim. I need to go see her in the next day or two. I will hope against hope that she has a little rebound, but I can hardly bear thinking about her dying. We've been good friends for the past 45 years. I've had her as a friend longer than I had my parents.
I hate this for her, for her husband, her kids, her mom and siblings, as well as her friends.

How can I visit her without crying?

jason from volo wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 9:52 pm
I don’t know you or your friend, but I suspect she needs every ounce of support that she can get right now, regardless of whether or not you can maintain your composure around her. I think it would actually help to share an emotional moment with her.

Update; I visited my friend in the hospital last Wednesday. She was pretty out of it, with glimpses of her old self. Lots of pain meds on board. I was kind of prepared, knowing that she had lost a lot of weight, but when I saw her, she was gaunt and frail. I spoke with her husband, and he was arranging to get her back home for hospice care.

I went to visit her at home today. She slept a lot, but when she was a little awake, I told her how glad I was to see her again (the year of Covid restrictions kept everyone away). Reminded her of some of our most fun and happy adventures. I thanked her for being a good friend. I said goodbye as I was leaving her room, and she wasn't really responding. When I got downstairs, I loudly but gently said, "Bye, love you!", and she mustered the biggest voice I had heard from her the whole visit, to say, "Bye, love you!".

Looks like she'll be gone soon. Glad I got to see her and hold her hand, and she knew I was there.

jason from volo wrote: Wed Jun 30, 2021 11:27 pm Hope that she is able to spend her remaining time in peace. My best wishes to both of you.

Thanks for the kind words. She died on Tuesday, with her husband and some siblings with her.
This is proving to be a bit more painful than I anticipated. I've lost grandparents and parents, but losing a best friend is harder. My heart is broken.
Memorial services next week.

catwoman wrote: Sat Jul 10, 2021 3:54 pm

jason from volo wrote: Wed Jun 30, 2021 11:27 pm Hope that she is able to spend her remaining time in peace. My best wishes to both of you.

Thanks for the kind words. She died on Tuesday, with her husband and some siblings with her.
This is proving to be a bit more painful than I anticipated. I've lost grandparents and parents, but losing a best friend is harder. My heart is broken.
Memorial services next week.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, wishing you and all of your friend's family / friends some strength and peace.