My all time favorite though has to be the FM Marsupialized thread Pitch Me A Movie. Every synopsis in that would have been an absolute smash, and I would legit donate to a kickstarter to get FM Kerble's "Triple Double Trouble" made. That thread got me to write probably the best thing I ever wrote:Cranius_Archive wrote: Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:16 am Marty used to wear a 'Hang Mandela' T-shirt, which is still in the bottom drawer of the dresser in his old room at his mum's house. It's ironed, folded and sitting next to the returned hatemail that he wrote to Lech Walesa.
Marty stared the last Great Auk to death in 1844.
Marty sews Elton John's wigs.
In his yout' Marty was a beast for Babylon, causing dreads much boderation.
Marty wears cargo pants.
He has also worked in advertising.
I'm pitching, I'm pitching already.
Remember how big the Malkovich movie was? With a real movie star in a movie about him? Remember how big that movie was?
Okay. It's 1980-something. Mickey Rourke is getting a little hot, but still obviously an idiot, and does mostly bad films. Mostly shit that Bruce Willis already passed on. Or shit where he bangs a hot unknown. And he's bitter about it, and is jealous and totally resents Bruce Willis for getting all the choice movies and real high-class pussy.
This is all in the movie. Maybe opening scroll, like Star Wars. "In 1980-something, Bruce Willis, while still an idiot, was getting a little hot..." you get the idea. So in the movie, Bruce Willis and Rourke are pals. Mickey Rourke is always complaining that he only gets shit Willis passed on already, etc. All that shit I just told you.
Here's the kicker: Bruce Willis in the movie is played by Mickey Rourke, and Mickey Rourke is played by Bruce Willis. So they get to be real bitches about mocking each other in their performances.
I am so fucking good at this. You'll agree in a moment.
In the movie, "Willis" (Mickey Rourke) -- I'm finger quoting because it gets confusing -- tells "Rourke" (Bruce Willis) he needs to man-up and stop taking all these bullshit movies just because he gets to bang a hot unknown. He should tell his agent not to consider any bullshit movies that were offered to him ("Willis") first. "Rourke" has a big meeting with his agent and tells him no more movies they offered to "Willis" first. He's a real prick about it too.
So one day, "Willis" gets a pitch for a movie where he gets to play Mickey Rourke and Mickey Rourke gets to play him. Basically the movie I'm talking about now. He says no, it's too gimmicky.
Undeterred, the producer takes it to "Rourke's" guy, and there's a whole thing about how "Willis" already said "no," and the thing before... Too much detail, whatever, you see what's coming. "Rourke" has to talk "Willis" into it, and he's begging and pathetic, and you can see how much Willis would love to play that part, right?
So finally they do it. Now we see them making the movie, and they have to mimic each other's mimicry of each other from the first half of the movie, and fuck me, I am so good at this.
There will definitely be a scene where "Bruce Willis" gets to fuck the shit out of Demi Moore, otherwise Rourke won't do it. We'll get some hot unknown to play Moore.
In the movie-movie they have a big argument about having a scene where "Rourke" (Willis) playing movie-"Willis" gets to fuck the shit out of movie-"Demi Moore," because in the movie-movie, they want "Demi Moore" to play herself, and movie-"Willis," ("Rourke") (Willis) will definitely be trying to stick it in her, pretending he's "acting."
You'll agree that I am so good at this it's ridiculous.
I think about that post from time to time. I to this day can not believe I actually wrote it. And didn't delete it.
PROFIT$!
To be completely serious for a moment...
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