Goddamn, do I hate the fucking weather in Oregon sometimes.
After three days of rain and grey skies: Blue skies, barely a fucking blip on the radar. Great time to take the dog for some exercise, right?
Wrong. Not ten fucking minutes out at the park and rime hail and downpour for 15 minutes. The dog is wet and muddy.
Now we're back at home and it's blue skies again.
Eight to nine months of this shit for three months where it doesn't rain a drop and half the fucking state burns down. Sometimes I just have to say fuck this place!
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
222I am tormented by infantile fears that all women really just want to be with each other if they had the choice. And those who do want to be with a man would not want to be with me because I am not what they expect or desire.
It's funny. It is always said that younger people are the more impressionable, the more easily influenced by advertisement, peer pressure, passively existing cultural mores, shoulds and should nots... But it was when I was younger that I cared way less about these things, and had great confidence in doing so, whereas in my later 20s all those things started weighing down on me with increasing force, and this has not stopped. At 21, I scoffed at "game" and redpill ideology. At 26, I was defenseless against it. Though I have continued to reject it, a part of me nonetheless continues to believe in it.
The fact that I have not had a stable friend group for the past 8 years or so, and not a romantic relationship or much of intimate physical contact for longer than that, surely plays into it. I have at this point no experiences of my own, so I am forced to attempt to make sense of things through the reported experiences of others - including of course, significantly, the advertised experience of the relationship, with all that this entails. How's that for a spectacle?
Add the fact that I am past 30, thus another set of inherited ideas continue to pester me, those that say "your life is over", "it's time to be boring and serious", "you had your chance at freedom and now it's gone". But the fact that those feelings have such control over me must be related to the fact of my general discontent, and not something which is inevitable, anymore than my fears over how I might be compelled to behave and present myself in order to make someone else accept me (and desire me). Right?
It has to be.
It's funny. It is always said that younger people are the more impressionable, the more easily influenced by advertisement, peer pressure, passively existing cultural mores, shoulds and should nots... But it was when I was younger that I cared way less about these things, and had great confidence in doing so, whereas in my later 20s all those things started weighing down on me with increasing force, and this has not stopped. At 21, I scoffed at "game" and redpill ideology. At 26, I was defenseless against it. Though I have continued to reject it, a part of me nonetheless continues to believe in it.
The fact that I have not had a stable friend group for the past 8 years or so, and not a romantic relationship or much of intimate physical contact for longer than that, surely plays into it. I have at this point no experiences of my own, so I am forced to attempt to make sense of things through the reported experiences of others - including of course, significantly, the advertised experience of the relationship, with all that this entails. How's that for a spectacle?
Add the fact that I am past 30, thus another set of inherited ideas continue to pester me, those that say "your life is over", "it's time to be boring and serious", "you had your chance at freedom and now it's gone". But the fact that those feelings have such control over me must be related to the fact of my general discontent, and not something which is inevitable, anymore than my fears over how I might be compelled to behave and present myself in order to make someone else accept me (and desire me). Right?
It has to be.
born to give
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
223^ That was sweet dude, I appreciate it. I'm up for it should the opportunity arrive.
born to give
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
224Speaking from total ignorance here, as I haven’t been single for 20 years…but have you tried the online dating scene? I am led to understand that you can line up a date with little effort. An acquaintance left a cheating spouse in a vanilla relationship and was living out very highly specialized BDSM fantasies in what seemed like weeks, and struggling to keep up with demand. It would seem to me that something less nutty should be reasonably achievable.kokorodoko wrote: Thu Dec 09, 2021 9:53 am ^ That was sweet dude, I appreciate it. I'm up for it should the opportunity arrive.
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
225I can't help you with any of this, but if you're ever on Norrmalm then we could get a coffee. Unless you're one of those unvaxxed types, or of the far right.kokorodoko wrote: Thu Dec 09, 2021 7:55 am I am tormented by infantile fears that all women really just want to be with each other if they had the choice. And those who do want to be with a man would not want to be with me because I am not what they expect or desire.
It's funny. It is always said that younger people are the more impressionable, the more easily influenced by advertisement, peer pressure, passively existing cultural mores, shoulds and should nots... But it was when I was younger that I cared way less about these things, and had great confidence in doing so, whereas in my later 20s all those things started weighing down on me with increasing force, and this has not stopped. At 21, I scoffed at "game" and redpill ideology. At 26, I was defenseless against it. Though I have continued to reject it, a part of me nonetheless continues to believe in it.
The fact that I have not had a stable friend group for the past 8 years or so, and not a romantic relationship or much of intimate physical contact for longer than that, surely plays into it. I have at this point no experiences of my own, so I am forced to attempt to make sense of things through the reported experiences of others - including of course, significantly, the advertised experience of the relationship, with all that this entails. How's that for a spectacle?
Add the fact that I am past 30, thus another set of inherited ideas continue to pester me, those that say "your life is over", "it's time to be boring and serious", "you had your chance at freedom and now it's gone". But the fact that those feelings have such control over me must be related to the fact of my general discontent, and not something which is inevitable, anymore than my fears over how I might be compelled to behave and present myself in order to make someone else accept me (and desire me). Right?
It has to be.
at war with bellends
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
226A_Man_Who_Tries wrote: Thu Dec 09, 2021 12:20 pmI can't help you with any of this, but if you're ever on Norrmalm then we could get a coffee. Unless you're one of those unvaxxed types, or of the far right.
born to give
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
227We could still meet if you wanted your head kicked in? Would take your mind off current woes.
at war with bellends
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
228Yeah srsly thanks for the invite, I'll keep it in mind.
born to give
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
229I am led to understand that it's extremely difficult. But who knows. Haven't given it much though since I've never owned a smartphone. Mainly though it's the fact that I don't meet people, I don't hang out with people (hardly), I'm thinking I'd rather concentrate on that, and the rest will follow. That's how it's always worked in the past.zorg wrote: Thu Dec 09, 2021 11:14 amSpeaking from total ignorance here, as I haven’t been single for 20 years…but have you tried the online dating scene? I am led to understand that you can line up a date with little effort.
born to give
Re: What are you thinking right this second?
230there’s a lot of room between this and red pill. I know I can’t just prescribe confidence but that is the goal. And a nice first step involves putting yourself out there and taking the hits and just believing that she is out there somewhere and is going to reciprocate if you just let it happen. You’re still way young. Don’t worry about that either.kokorodoko wrote: Thu Dec 09, 2021 7:55 am I am tormented by infantile fears that all women really just want to be with each other if they had the choice. And those who do want to be with a man would not want to be with me because I am not what they expect or desire.
And for gods sakes get in the gym.