A_Man_Who_Tries wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 8:01 am That's really going to make your act of separating harder. At some point you'll have strength enough to politely put a stop to it, in the name of your own rebuilding. Keep your chin up.

At this point, it's hard to say. I don't think we're there yet.

Hey team.

I don't really read this thread anymore. I've had struggles, participated more on the old forum. These days I'm not in an ideal space, but I'm doing the right things (got
some decent therapy, better meds, doing things I love again, nourishing my values) and am chipping away at shaping my new life.

But I can't handle this thread. Some things are still too raw, and my sympathies can get pretty heavy. Some stuff hits too close to home.

But I just wanted to share my love and encouragement. There are lots of good folks here, lean in. You might not feel like you are "worth it" or whatever, but you are. Stick with it. It is a hard fight, often harder than it should be. But it is worth it. You are worth it. There are beautiful things.

Best wishes.

My wife left yesterday. She's staying with close friends until she has a more long-term, but not permanent, solution. She doesn't feel like she can get a good understanding of how she wants to proceed without some real physical distance. I'm hoping she'll return so we can work on our issues and stay together.

I drank too much last night. Two very good friends came over to keep me company, but that only lasts until they leave and the gut-wrenching silence of her absence pervades every inch of the home we've shared for the last 21 years.

Sorry to hear you're going thru that. I have IRL friends going thru this right now (still in the same house, but they've separated their living/sleeping routine and spaces). Even though it's a fairly amicable situation, it's jarring to witness that sort of change after so long (in their case 18 years). Stay physically busy and occupied if you can, which I realize is easier said than done.

bigc wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:33 am My wife left yesterday.

Damn, I'm so sorry.

Agree with FM penningtron to try to stay as busy as you can/keep mind occupied on other things.

Also, do whatever you can to not hit the booze too hard. Maybe not keep any in your home for a while. In times when I've foreseen a possible demise of my marriage, risk of destroying whatever is left of my life through alcohol is what scares me the most.

jfv wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:59 am Agree with FM penningtron to try to stay as busy as you can/keep mind occupied on other things.

Also, do whatever you can to not hit the booze too hard. Maybe not keep any in your home for a while. In times where I've foreseen a possible demise of my marriage, risk of destroying whatever is left of my life through alcohol is what scares me the most.

Thanks to you both for your replies.

Fortunately, booze just seems to amplify the agony, so I'm not too worried about that rabbit hole. And indulging that self-destruction would just ruin any chance of the outcome I most desire.

bigc wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2022 9:33 am My wife left yesterday. She's staying with close friends until she has a more long-term, but not permanent, solution. She doesn't feel like she can get a good understanding of how she wants to proceed without some real physical distance. I'm hoping she'll return so we can work on our issues and stay together.

I drank too much last night. Two very good friends came over to keep me company, but that only lasts until they leave and the gut-wrenching silence of her absence pervades every inch of the home we've shared for the last 21 years.

Sorry man - maybe you could stay with some people for a couple days if that's practical - not many things at your home absolutely need you there. It's helpful for a variety of reasons

TylerDeadPine wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2022 10:08 am Sorry man - maybe you could stay with some people for a couple days if that's practical - not many things at your home absolutely need you there. It's helpful for a variety of reasons

Dunno. Feels like being home and sitting with the pain makes the most sense right now.

Best wishes to you bigc.

bigc wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2022 10:10 am

TylerDeadPine wrote: Fri Nov 04, 2022 10:08 am Sorry man - maybe you could stay with some people for a couple days if that's practical - not many things at your home absolutely need you there. It's helpful for a variety of reasons

Dunno. Feels like being home and sitting with the pain makes the most sense right now.

yeah I get that, but there's no trophies for suffering if you end up in the same spot. Friends are great - they have perspectives, and some of them are good cooks.