sparky wrote: Tue Jul 11, 2023 10:47 pm My youngest brother died three weeks ago.

I am so very sorry, Mark. Sending love to you and yours.

DaveA wrote: Tue Jul 11, 2023 11:51 pmmy dad had a stroke this morning, and probably one of the worst days of his life. Have talked about it with a friend and my mom, or course, but it's some weirdness after a fairly trying week. Many different thoughts bouncing around. I don't even know what to think exactly.

Sounds very rough. All my best to you and your family, Dave.

Heartfelt condolences to those who've shared your recent losses. I know what it is to feel wrecked and for those going through it, you have my support.

I'm starting couples therapy today with my wife. We've been going through a tough time and are trying to get back on track. It's scary, when my wife gets low on it there's talk of it having all fallen apart...I tend to think of it as a rough patch to get through. Unclear which is true.

I've been working on myself, dealing with depression, job changes, starting and adjusting medication, trying to get back out into the world post COVID, started going to the gym regularly, stopped having conversations I shouldn't be having with people I should've cut ties with long before marriage...I caused a major breach of trust that hasn't healed very well. I feel like everything wrong with us is because of things I've allowed to go wrong with me. It may not be, but it's hard to see what negative could be coming from her, and she has trouble articulating her feelings. I'd love some logic, but I know feelings don't work that way.

Anyway, we're trying this couples thing, I'm scared from a little doom-spiraling last night. Trying to process a lot. Worried this will be for nothing. Hoping the opposite.
Hang in there everyone.

thecr4ne wrote: Mon Jul 17, 2023 1:36 pm I'm starting couples therapy today with my wife. We've been going through a tough time and are trying to get back on track. It's scary, when my wife gets low on it there's talk of it having all fallen apart...I tend to think of it as a rough patch to get through. Unclear which is true.

I've been working on myself, dealing with depression, job changes, starting and adjusting medication, trying to get back out into the world post COVID, started going to the gym regularly, stopped having conversations I shouldn't be having with people I should've cut ties with long before marriage...I caused a major breach of trust that hasn't healed very well. I feel like everything wrong with us is because of things I've allowed to go wrong with me. It may not be, but it's hard to see what negative could be coming from her, and she has trouble articulating her feelings. I'd love some logic, but I know feelings don't work that way.

Anyway, we're trying this couples thing, I'm scared from a little doom-spiraling last night. Trying to process a lot. Worried this will be for nothing. Hoping the opposite.
Hang in there everyone.

Damn, this sounds similar to what I'm going through. Haven't gotten as far as to want to try couples' therapy, but that whole "falling apart vs. rough patch" thought goes through my mind all of the time.

I wish you the very best.

Damn.

I wish you all the best

Good for you for going to therapy with your partner. I have a good friend - one of my closest - who let 2 marriages get away because he wouldn't go and figure out how to make them work. Neither marraige was easy, but he didn't really take part in active improvement, and his last one probably could've/should've been saved with some work. Our families traveled and vacationed together with our kids, and while they def had problems, he wasn't doing any work to make it better, which spiraled her into more anger, etc. Cycles, man.

I stopped taking my SSRI after tapering. It's an adjustment - I feel like I can tell that something is different with my brain and the way I'm evaluating/processing shit, but it's not *bad* or anxious per se, just that emotions are a little more real now than they were say, last year when I was on a middleish dose of my meds.

Fuckin' brains, man. We're just not wired for the world we live in today, evolutionarily speaking.

Frankie99 wrote: Fri Jul 21, 2023 12:00 pm Fuckin' brains, man. We're just not wired for the world we live in today, evolutionarily speaking.

Fuckin A

Frankie99 wrote: Fri Jul 21, 2023 12:00 pm Good for you for going to therapy with your partner. I have a good friend - one of my closest - who let 2 marriages get away because he wouldn't go and figure out how to make them work. Neither marraige was easy, but he didn't really take part in active improvement, and his last one probably could've/should've been saved with some work. Our families traveled and vacationed together with our kids, and while they def had problems, he wasn't doing any work to make it better, which spiraled her into more anger, etc. Cycles, man.

I stopped taking my SSRI after tapering. It's an adjustment - I feel like I can tell that something is different with my brain and the way I'm evaluating/processing shit, but it's not *bad* or anxious per se, just that emotions are a little more real now than they were say, last year when I was on a middleish dose of my meds.

Fuckin' brains, man. We're just not wired for the world we live in today, evolutionarily speaking.

I've read a lot about how high does EPA/Omega-3 supplements mirror the effects of SSRIs. Might be worth looking into if that's relevant.

bigc wrote: Fri Jul 21, 2023 12:55 pm

I've read a lot about how high does EPA/Omega-3 supplements mirror the effects of SSRIs. Might be worth looking into if that's relevant.
[/quote]

I've read that too and that fish oil/Omega-3 is one of the supplements that actually *might* have a decent effect on us. Also, gut biome, IMHO, is super important. Serotonin through your gut, &c. We're not all wired to eat the same things.

Good luck and best wishes to all out there.

I recently worked with a client who left his wife to spare her from his depression, even though they loved each other dearly, and she was heartbroken when he left her. He told her he was cheating on her, but it was a lie because she wouldn’t let him go otherwise. The guy eventually got on medication that works, and he feels great, except that he hates himself for ruining their marriage and it’s too late to get back together because she married someone else and had kids. Don’t be that guy, folks. do you therapy, do meds, do anything you can.

I'm trying to do anything I can. We've been separated for 9 months now.

I've started individual therapy the root out the alienation, sadness, and depression I've felt for as long as I can remember. I've been in group therapy for 6 months now. I've lost 30 lbs (205 to 175) by exercising (hot yoga and swimming). I'm focusing on my sleep, and drinking much less than at any time in my adult life. Good habits are in place, but no habits are going to make me happy.

My wife and I see each other once every 10 days or so, and our hangs are intense and fun. Our body language is good, and we clearly have a very real connection. But we remain separated, and that makes my heart ache like I can't describe.

I got drunk last night, and today has felt like a massive cavern is open in my chest. I've wanted to cry all day. I've wanted to text her, call her - do anything to plead with her - but that all seems clearly foolish.

My therapist told me that I'm choosing to love her by giving her the space she's asked for, and that few people are capable of being as mature and respectful in this situation as I have been. I know that 87% of separations end in divorce, but I'm choosing to believe that the 13% that reconcile do so by behaving the way we're behaving right now. Respectfully and kindly, but with boundaries.

I'm just so bummed all the time. And I'm irritated that I drink with pals and have fun - only to remember the next day how awful it makes everything feel.