2074
by kokorodoko
Had a job for a few weeks and I came to like one person especially (as a friend). They're fun and we're on the same wavelength. I decided I was going to ask them if they wanted to meet some other time. But I was so scared they were going to say no or be weirded out, and I was also trying to find the right occasion, since we're surrounded by a bunch of other people most of the time (it sounds like I'm describing a middle school crush here but I'm serious). So in the end we said goodbye with a kind of vague "maybe we'll run into each other" (she lives nearby).
So what now? Do I hit her up some time with "I'm in the area, wanna go for a walk?". Is that okay? Maybe I have just misjudged everything? I tend to inflate things like this to a stupendous degree and I know it isn't normal. Once I wanted to ask a classmate to do schoolwork together over the holidays (to get to know them better), and it's like I was preparing for the Day of Judgement. I also tend to panic when I notice that I like somebody, losing myself in a whirlwind of my own fears and wishes to the point where reality becomes foggy. I carry around the thought somewhere that things like this MUST fail. And I have basically no natural instinct to go on.
Exhausting.
born to give