I enjoy making music. I've always enjoyed playing in bands. Becoming a dad has changed the way I can do it. I still have regular practice, but less frequently than I'm used to. I spend most of my time with music in my studio. I bring ideas to practice and flesh it out with the rest of the band.

I don't like having to play shows much anymore. The whole thing is a hassle. Every once and awhile is fine, I guess. I'd rather be recording.

I'd really like to do a project where I can collaborate with people in my studio. Just make music and record it right then and there. Make whatever feels right in the moment. Put it up on bandcamp and quit fussing about.

This could go to the mental health thread, but since it's band life related I'll put it here: I've been having dark thoughts about all of this being in bands business. I'm having hard time being enthusiastic and this all feels like pushing a stone up the hill. Nobody seems to care enough to answer about when to practice (and I too love practices, usually), I can't get answers to what we should do next et cetera.

I feel like its all on me to make things work, to motivate people and get them to communicate, but I have to stop thinking like that, I can't carry four other grown ass men.

On top of that I'm afraid that my carpal tunnel syndrome has made a comeback, so that's nice.

I may need to take a break from this shit before I start to burn bridges for real.

I have one project (although I hate to call bands projects) that might be light enough for me to keep.

Anybody else ever feel frustrated with this kind of shit?

Shananiganz wrote: Wed Apr 02, 2025 11:37 pm This could go to the mental health thread, but since it's band life related I'll put it here: I've been having dark thoughts about all of this being in bands business. I'm having hard time being enthusiastic and this all feels like pushing a stone up the hill. Nobody seems to care enough to answer about when to practice (and I too love practices, usually), I can't get answers to what we should do next et cetera.

I feel like its all on me to make things work, to motivate people and get them to communicate, but I have to stop thinking like that, I can't carry four other grown ass men.

On top of that I'm afraid that my carpal tunnel syndrome has made a comeback, so that's nice.

I may need to take a break from this shit before I start to burn bridges for real.

I have one project (although I hate to call bands projects) that might be light enough for me to keep.

Anybody else ever feel frustrated with this kind of shit?

Yes. When Fake Limbs ended, I was really burnt out. It felt like a lot of it was for nothing. I took a break for awhile. Since then a lot has changed for me. I've always liked making music... Being creative in general. I want to keep doing this, but it begs to be done differently.

Relying on other people is a drag. But don't let it get you down.

cakes wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 12:06 am

Shananiganz wrote: Wed Apr 02, 2025 11:37 pm This could go to the mental health thread, but since it's band life related I'll put it here: I've been having dark thoughts about all of this being in bands business. I'm having hard time being enthusiastic and this all feels like pushing a stone up the hill. Nobody seems to care enough to answer about when to practice (and I too love practices, usually), I can't get answers to what we should do next et cetera.

I feel like its all on me to make things work, to motivate people and get them to communicate, but I have to stop thinking like that, I can't carry four other grown ass men.

On top of that I'm afraid that my carpal tunnel syndrome has made a comeback, so that's nice.

I may need to take a break from this shit before I start to burn bridges for real.

I have one project (although I hate to call bands projects) that might be light enough for me to keep.

Anybody else ever feel frustrated with this kind of shit?

Yes. When Fake Limbs ended, I was really burnt out. It felt like a lot of it was for nothing. I took a break for awhile. Since then a lot has changed for me. I've always liked making music... Being creative in general. I want to keep doing this, but it begs to be done differently.

Relying on other people is a drag. But don't let it get you down.

Thanks!
Yeah, I don't enjoy making music on my own, I like the collaborativeness of composing as a band and I see the subtle ego clashes as necessity for good, original stuff. You can make stylish stuff on your own, sure, but I feel there is something special when the dickhead bass player insists on playing an obnoxious slap part or the drummer wants a way too complicated fill in there.
But all that requires people to show up and be passionate about all this.
At the moment it's all "anything goes" and nobody can remember a single thing we've done, me included.
I've communicated quite clearly that this isn't working, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Fuck me, since we moved to a new city I've only encountered bands that are shit at communicating. One band does it purely via email, this one I'm griping about does it over Discord. One was via WhatsApp, but half of the band hardly ever answered.
Or maybe it's just me, asking too much, too many questions.

Shananiganz wrote: Wed Apr 02, 2025 11:37 pm I'm having hard time being enthusiastic and this all feels like pushing a stone up the hill. Nobody seems to care enough to answer about when to practice (and I too love practices, usually), I can't get answers to what we should do next et cetera.

I feel like it's all on me to make things work, to motivate people and get them to communicate, but I have to stop thinking like that, I can't carry four other grown ass men.

Yes this is very familiar. I was recently approached about getting some stuff going again for the first time in over 5 years, and after sitting with it for a day I realized what I was really being asked was "will you do all the schedule coordinating, put in the extra effort driving an hour and a half to practices, and basically light a fire under our asses to make this work?" I don't want to be that person anymore, but who knows maybe they'll surprise me and offer to pick up the slack, prove to me they are motivated to do this, and fire me up for a change. Well that was a month ago and it's been crickets since.

I think going forward I want to be more of a free agent doing one-off or occasional collaborations with people in the same boat. If they're busy in other projects then it's usually for a good reason. But band dynamics are just always skewed. Why do I work my ass off when others don't even take their instruments home after practice? (drums are a special case but you know what I mean).

Shananiganz wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 4:30 am Thanks!
Yeah, I don't enjoy making music on my own, I like the collaborativeness of composing as a band and I see the subtle ego clashes as necessity for good, original stuff. You can make stylish stuff on your own, sure, but I feel there is something special when the dickhead bass player insists on playing an obnoxious slap part or the drummer wants a way too complicated fill in there.
But all that requires people to show up and be passionate about all this.
At the moment it's all "anything goes" and nobody can remember a single thing we've done, me included.
I've communicated quite clearly that this isn't working, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Fuck me, since we moved to a new city I've only encountered bands that are shit at communicating. One band does it purely via email, this one I'm griping about does it over Discord. One was via WhatsApp, but half of the band hardly ever answered.
Or maybe it's just me, asking too much, too many questions.

Maybe you're more gung ho about it? I feel you though, I don't want to work with people who seem disinterested or can't communicate. I've been lucky, I generally play with people I know and have been friends with beforehand. Moving to a new city, trying to establish some roots at the same time is challenging. If it's more frustrating than fun, maybe that's a sign to move on and try to meet people that are more like-minded? Sure, people have jobs and families and whatnot... But don't waist your precious time if it's not working for you.

cakes wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 7:32 am

Shananiganz wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 4:30 am Thanks!
Yeah, I don't enjoy making music on my own, I like the collaborativeness of composing as a band and I see the subtle ego clashes as necessity for good, original stuff. You can make stylish stuff on your own, sure, but I feel there is something special when the dickhead bass player insists on playing an obnoxious slap part or the drummer wants a way too complicated fill in there.
But all that requires people to show up and be passionate about all this.
At the moment it's all "anything goes" and nobody can remember a single thing we've done, me included.
I've communicated quite clearly that this isn't working, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Fuck me, since we moved to a new city I've only encountered bands that are shit at communicating. One band does it purely via email, this one I'm griping about does it over Discord. One was via WhatsApp, but half of the band hardly ever answered.
Or maybe it's just me, asking too much, too many questions.

Maybe you're more gung ho about it? I feel you though, I don't want to work with people who seem disinterested or can't communicate. I've been lucky, I generally play with people I know and have been friends with beforehand. Moving to a new city, trying to establish some roots at the same time is challenging. If it's more frustrating than fun, maybe that's a sign to move on and try to meet people that are more like-minded? Sure, people have jobs and families and whatnot... But don't waist your precious time if it's not working for you.

Yeah, there's a good chance other folks are more your speed. There's a lower intensity to the average bandmate as you get older, but for some folks having a kid, or job means if they're taking 2-3 hours to show up they want to get something done.

Shananiganz wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 4:30 am I feel like its all on me to make things work, to motivate people and get them to communicate, but I have to stop thinking like that, I can't carry four other grown ass men.

I can definitely relate to this. At the end of 2021, I didn't have the motivation or patience to arrange the schedules of three people anymore. That, more than anything, explains our hiatus since then.

I have had thoughts about doing a recording project at home by myself as I do have all of the equipment to do so and can sort of serviceably play each instrument. But I have had writer's block since about 2006.

losthighway wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 7:59 am

cakes wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 7:32 am

Shananiganz wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 4:30 am Thanks!
Yeah, I don't enjoy making music on my own, I like the collaborativeness of composing as a band and I see the subtle ego clashes as necessity for good, original stuff. You can make stylish stuff on your own, sure, but I feel there is something special when the dickhead bass player insists on playing an obnoxious slap part or the drummer wants a way too complicated fill in there.
But all that requires people to show up and be passionate about all this.
At the moment it's all "anything goes" and nobody can remember a single thing we've done, me included.
I've communicated quite clearly that this isn't working, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Fuck me, since we moved to a new city I've only encountered bands that are shit at communicating. One band does it purely via email, this one I'm griping about does it over Discord. One was via WhatsApp, but half of the band hardly ever answered.
Or maybe it's just me, asking too much, too many questions.

Maybe you're more gung ho about it? I feel you though, I don't want to work with people who seem disinterested or can't communicate. I've been lucky, I generally play with people I know and have been friends with beforehand. Moving to a new city, trying to establish some roots at the same time is challenging. If it's more frustrating than fun, maybe that's a sign to move on and try to meet people that are more like-minded? Sure, people have jobs and families and whatnot... But don't waist your precious time if it's not working for you.

Yeah, there's a good chance other folks are more your speed. There's a lower intensity to the average bandmate as you get older, but for some folks having a kid, or job means if they're taking 2-3 hours to show up they want to get something done.

Exactly this. I have kids and I'm chronically tired all the time, I don't want to fuck around. Sure, it's nice to laugh, but I want to get shit done at the same time.

I also feel bad all the fucking time because I'm partly the reason we can't practice all the time. We're a mix of parents and guys who'll never have kids.
I will never apologize for having kids or not being able to come to band practice, but it feels bad. Although... They could do stuff without me.
I don't know. Maybe I'm done with this shit for a while.

Shananiganz wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 9:54 am

losthighway wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 7:59 am

cakes wrote: Thu Apr 03, 2025 7:32 am

Maybe you're more gung ho about it? I feel you though, I don't want to work with people who seem disinterested or can't communicate. I've been lucky, I generally play with people I know and have been friends with beforehand. Moving to a new city, trying to establish some roots at the same time is challenging. If it's more frustrating than fun, maybe that's a sign to move on and try to meet people that are more like-minded? Sure, people have jobs and families and whatnot... But don't waist your precious time if it's not working for you.

Yeah, there's a good chance other folks are more your speed. There's a lower intensity to the average bandmate as you get older, but for some folks having a kid, or job means if they're taking 2-3 hours to show up they want to get something done.

Exactly this. I have kids and I'm chronically tired all the time, I don't want to fuck around. Sure, it's nice to laugh, but I want to get shit done at the same time.

I also feel bad all the fucking time because I'm partly the reason we can't practice all the time. We're a mix of parents and guys who'll never have kids.
I will never apologize for having kids or not being able to come to band practice, but it feels bad. Although... They could do stuff without me.
I don't know. Maybe I'm done with this shit for a while.

Same. I have two small kids. My drummer has two older kids. My bassist has one teenager. We all have full time jobs, sometimes the one guy with no kids has the busier schedule. We're all close to or over 50. The only priority for making music is to make it, not to do the whole band thing like we were 20 again. For me, it's like therapy. I need a lot of creative outputs in my life. Music is really just one of them, but a big one.

So, maybe reframe it for yourself. What's the most important thing? You said that you like being at practice, but have you tried doing a less traditional thing like working on songs via internet, too?