penningtron wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 12:53 pm

enframed wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 12:30 pmTell your children with 80s fetishes (Stranger Things fans) to try the above if they really want to experience the 80s.

I was a Lunchables kid. Pretty much the most processed bullshit food imaginable.

Substitute the ketchup on that sandwich for Miracle Whip and I've definitely Been There..

Even in the context of this thread?

"Miracle Whip..." was where I hit the brakes.

(This one ain't mine, but I laughed when a guy I grew up with said "So you don't waste money on buying a loaf of no-name bread...")

The fried peanut butter and banana sandwich?

You just turn it into a peanut butter/banana quesadilla.

rsmurphy wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 7:11 pm

Kniferide wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 6:25 pm You have never made me want to barrrf more than right now.

Sometimes I just stick a finger in a jar of mayo or rub it along a stick of butter.

Don't know if this is dirtbag enough but I enjoy buttered toast and jelly....none of that bougie bonne maman bullshit. Welch's grape jelly.

Growing up, almost everyone on my dad's side of the family at their biscuits that way.

Lost count of how many times I almost put a butter knife through someone's hand when they were about to do it.

numberthirty wrote: Thu May 15, 2025 3:29 am

rsmurphy wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 7:11 pm

Kniferide wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 6:25 pm You have never made me want to barrrf more than right now.

Sometimes I just stick a finger in a jar of mayo or rub it along a stick of butter.

Don't know if this is dirtbag enough but I enjoy buttered toast and jelly....none of that bougie bonne maman bullshit. Welch's grape jelly.

Growing up, almost everyone on my dad's side of the family at their biscuits that way.

I still insert thimble fulls of jelly into at least 2 biscuits from a can of Pillsbury. Nothing like a stream of butter and jelly falling down your chin from an overloaded biscuit yum.

rsmurphy wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 9:55 pm

Kniferide wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 8:06 pm I'm with you here, and If I eat a PB&J don't come at me with some bullshit bland and dry natural PB, gimme some Skippy or Jif

Damn straight! And none of that chunky business neither.

I eat way too much peanut butter to be eating the freaky shit every day (which admittedly tastes good to the 'ol monkey brain). The Kirkland stuff is a good compromise of smoothness and 3 ingredients (which PB should really have no more than).

numberthirty wrote: Thu May 15, 2025 3:20 am
"Miracle Whip..." was where I hit the brakes.

I have a friend who LOVES mayonnaise and hate MW. I don't understand. It's a tad sweet, yes, but so are lots of things that go on sandwiches, and he's OK with those. It's like mayonnaise with some spices and a little sugar. It's amazing! It's miraculous!

penningtron wrote: Thu May 15, 2025 6:34 am 3 ingredients

Peanuts
Salt
...???

Anyway here's a pretty tasty, pretty fast, pretty cheap recipe:


"10,000x better than English Muffin Pizza in the same amount of time for the same amount of money"

I can do this in less time than it takes to heat up a frozen pizza, and I'm not even a good cook. Also you can make eight of these (enough food for at least that many people) for about the cost of one restaurant pizza

Equipment:

Cast Iron Skillet
Broiler with rack adjusted to barely fit your normal-sided skillet underneath it (you can use a griddle, if you do, make sure the top of the eventual pizza is about 4" below the broiling element/flame)
Tablespoon (a literal metal table spoon, not a plastic TBSP measure)
something to hold onto a screaming hot iron skillet with (silicone cover, wadded up old t-shirt, paperbacks from the "free" bin outside the bookstore)
Thin metal spatula
Cutting board & pizza cutter OR Plate & scissors


Ingredients:

A few drops of oil
Flour tortillas the same size as your skillet (I get 12" ones)
Pizza sauce (can be as plain as a bottle of passata or as many ingredients as you'd like, as long as it's smooth)
Shredded mozzarella NOT part-skim, full fat! (we're making this for a hypothetical 6 year old & jamming econo, you can make your own curds or use the mozzarella di bufala in another recipe)


Optional ingredients:

salty cheese like pecorino (or as my Edina, WI buddy called the green Kraft canister when he was a kid, "shakey cheese")
thinly sliced red onions
olives (I like the black oil-cured ones, roughly chopped, but maybe not econo)
chopped garlic
fresh or pickled peppers
cooked crumbled sausage (really crumble it up good, remember the whole sauce/cheese/topping matrix has to be supported by a single layer of tortilla)
good anchovies (only for advanced 6 year olds, also not really econo)
crushed red pepper flakes

you can put pepperoni on your pizza if you want, just know that we aren't friends if you do (shout out FM zom-zom)


Technique:

- get the tortillas, sauce and cheese (and optional toppings) together
- put the drops of oil in the skillet, use your hand to get the whole pan oiled, but with no pooled oil
- heat up the skillet on the stovetop or in the oven until it's good and hot
- put the tortilla in the skillet until you can tell that it's also warm
- flip the tortilla over, use the table spoon to add and spread 3-4 spoonfuls of sauce onto the whole surface of the tortilla
- you've got to go all the way to the edge of the tortilla with the sauce, any dry tortilla area will burn during the broiling
- but also, you can't use too much sauce because the whole thing won't get properly crispy
- turn on the broiler
- add the mozzarella, not too much, see above re: sog/crisp factors
- like the sauce, the cheese goes all the way to the edge. But not too much, see above re: sog/crisp factors
- add the optional toppings, but not too etc.
- put the pan under the broiler
- watch the pizza
- it's not time to go check on something in the other room
- maybe take 2 sips of beer or something, that's about all you've got time for
- when your pizza looks real nice and crispy, turn off the broiler and take the pan out from under it
- put the screaming hot pan back on the stovetop or space shuttle tiles or whatever you do with hot pans in your house
- after a minute, slide the spatula put the pizza onto a cutting board or plate
- cut into as many slices as makes sense (probably more than 2 and less than 32)
- if you're going to make more (you're going to want to make more) you don't have to oil the pan again

NB: the first one can sometimes be less crispy than you'd want. I'm not sure if this is because the pan isn't as hot, or the oil soaks into the first tortilla differently, or some weird third thing but I promise the next one will be really nice and crisp. After a few slices, you'll forget anyone ever said anything about putting tomato sauce on an english muffin.

enframed wrote: Thu May 15, 2025 11:41 am

numberthirty wrote: Thu May 15, 2025 3:20 am
"Miracle Whip..." was where I hit the brakes.

I have a friend who LOVES mayonnaise and hate MW. I don't understand. It's a tad sweet, yes, but so are lots of things that go on sandwiches, and he's OK with those. It's like mayonnaise with some spices and a little sugar. It's amazing! It's miraculous!

We're fucking through, professionally. /s

Miracle whip is objectively awful.

Mayo, esp dukes and hellmans, are gifts from heaven.

I think that might be where you're confused and your friend is dead on.

Also, count me in the butter+jelly dirtbag crew. It's like Sunday morning as a flavor combo, whether biscuit, toast, eng muffin, etc.

rsmurphy wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 7:11 pm Don't know if this is dirtbag enough but I enjoy buttered toast and jelly....none of that bougie bonne maman bullshit. Welch's grape jelly.

I grew up on a dairy farm and my whole family does this (except with homemade preserves). Butter on EVERY breakfast bread no matter what else is going on there. Butter on pancakes along with maple syrup. Butter on waffles with fruit and whipped cream.