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Sorry to hear that dude. But, this is a good thing. You can never change a person and you should never change for someone else. You sound like a normal guy, like the rest of us for the most part. The good thing is, you guys both kind of figured it out. What you need is someone who doesn't mind your quirks, because those things are ingrained in your personality. You need someone who brings out the best in you, i.e. doesn't constantly make you feel guilty for being you and then making you be a dick to them as a reaction from all the nag nag nag.

Not that you should jump into another relationship or anything, just stuff to keep in mind when that comes around again.

beelzebubbles wrote:I am not that outgoing, I'm not romantic enough, I'm self-centered, I don't always say what is pissing me off, I may become "dickish" from time to time, and I suffer from depression (which is probably where most of my personality *quirks* are coming from). The kicker is that I finally found a therapist I can afford and went for the first time last week. Things were looking up.

The odd thing about this paragraph (to me) was 1) how quickly you are to admit your personality "quirks" and 2) how similar your personality is to my own.

That being said, I know from my own experience that you're already on the right track...you're willing to admit that you have some quirks. In my opinion though, that's exactly what they are...quirks. Not faults. Not problems. Just quirks. Things that make you unique. Don't start to feel like you have to change everything about yourself just because of this one failed relationship. True, you might have to work on things like being more romantic, try not being a dick as much, etc. etc. But take it in stride and realize that there is someone out there that will appreciate you for who you are. It took me a long time...but I found one that did.

Jesus...that sounds like a bunch of gae Dr. Phil shit.

you're fucked.

oh, wait.

beelzebubbles wrote:

On top of this, we live across the hall from each other in the same apartment.

now, you're fucked.





this sound a bit like my g/f dumping me over 3 years ago. i didn't really have friends at the time and i did not have a clue what to do with myself. try to keep yourself busy so you won't have time to seriously think about how much it hurts you. you will think about her all the time but it's better to do anything and think that to just sit or lay and cry. also, do you do sports of any kind? getting tired to the point when your mind is fixed only on what and how you're body is doing helps a lot. plus, after training you will feel better cause you're body will start to regenarete it self and it somehow makes the pain easier. like "well, i got dumped but it's so damn nice to sit on this chair and rest". this is how it worked with me, and i think it makes sense.
also, i reapet the "move on" advice. the sooner you will start to get in interactions with other girls the better for you. no matter what your hearts tells you, she was not the only one.
so, hang on there.

Thank you all!

Since you broke up amicably, it would be reasonable to assume that you could continue to be friends with the people you know in common. I would think about your circle of friends, even people that you knew through her, figure out who is worth your time and focus on having friendships with these people in a new context, without her around.

People don’t always choose sides. They usually do but you’ll find that some people are better than that and don’t get caught up in that nonsense. Those are the people worth holding onto.

Move as soon as possible. Staying close means that you get to see her moving on and dating other people. It also might inhibit your desire to bring someone home. And a potential new love interest is going to be a little freaked about your proximity to your ex.

Move out ASAP. Don't expect to ever be friends with her. Don't expect to ever get back together. The relationship is broken and connot be fixed, that's why it's a "break up". Don't try to understand it, just try to get over it.

It may hurt for a long time but in the end you are better off. You will find someone who loves you for you and won't want to change a thing. Someone as selfish as you who will give you the space you need and the attention you need when you need it. I'm serious, it's ok to be "selfish". Your life is for you and you need someone who understands that and wants the same thing for herself.

Seriously, become a ninja.
You never know when being good with a blowdart will come in handy.












Just make sure it's poisoned and you hit her jugular

I seldom post here, but came across this, and thought I'd share a few thoughts, because I've been through a similar situation, kind of.

A woman divorced me for the same reasons that you listed in your account. We were together for a few years, and then problems started cropping up. My ex insisted that I was depressed and seek help. I did for a while, but for a year and a half it was an on-again/off-again thing. I hung all my hopes on it working out. On-again/off-again. She'd come back, leave again. I can't describe how torturous it was. I thought my life was "over".

Then she came back a year later. A whole year later! Wanting to work things out, give marriage another try. By then, I'd moved away to a neighboring city and was starting to feel a little better.

Did I "accept" het back? Bet your ass I did.

Did it work out ultimately? No it did not. I wouldn't say I "wasted" those few years, since I learned a lot about what I need from a relationship. If someone keeps trying to change you, I advise moving on. Does anyone really "change", in a profound sense? I don't think so, though I may be wrong.

It's been a year and a half since the divorce, and I can tell you that whole days go by when I don't think about it anymore. There used to be a time when I would have done anything to win her back. Now I shiver at the possibility that I might have stayed with her. This isn't bitterness; it's perspective that I gained over time. It just wasn't meant to be.

Now, I'm much happier, with many more friends, girlfriends, etc. It's all about time. You'll be fine. Just think: what *really* was she doing for you? Would she have made those same changes for you?

Do you have any hobbies, especially hobbies that you 2 didn't participate in together? Especially hobbies that don't require interaction with other human beings to enjoy? Having a hobby that is primarily for you alone (as a participant) helps you to focus your energy on yourself. In my case, after an especially bad break up I had, I rekindled my interest in fishing (specifically, fly fishing) as a hobby. I re-connected with something I enjoyed as a child, and I put myself in environments which are cleansing (the outdoors) for the soul. It almost became a kind of zen activity for me. I'm sure you have some kind of activity that can perform the same function for you. Do not spend you time wallowing at the local watering hole as solace, this will only make it harder to move on.

beelzebubbles wrote: I then reaffirmed that I love her in spite of all of the little quirks that she has.

This is a bad move.
In my experience its so much more effective to tell her, you love her BECAUSE of all the little quirks that she has.

Allways goes down a treat