dairy queen = elton john
Though I enjoy the picture (or, I mean, I appreciate the work in posting it at least), I take issue with the choice of Sir Elton as Dairy Queen (though the royal connection works rather well). It's a good gag, but it falls flat upon deeper consideration. Firstly, there is nothing actually queer about DQ. Secondly, DQ isn’t internationally recognized the way Elton is (at least I’ve never seen one anywhere in Asia). Thirdly, DQ is the choice of the bald, not the bewigged. And lastly, Eminem has never embraced Dairy Queen during the Grammies.
So, I say The Eagles because:
Just as Dairy Queen lurches ineffectually between a nostalgic notion of fifties Americana and a retarded concept of “cool” that no one buys into, the Eagles suck shit.
DQ advertises hot eats and cool treats. Similarly, the Eagles have hot licks and should fuck off and die.
There’s often a DQ in small towns even when there isn’t even a MacDonald’s. Gas Stations too carry “Hell Freezes Over” even when there ain’t no Kenny Rogers or Skynard.
The atmosphere in dairy queens is depressing. This encourages patrons to console themselves with more ice cream. Likewise, the Eagles remind people that they’re stupid and they shouldn’t bother to claw their way out from the clutches of the Eagles musical crack-cocaine.
Dairy Queen is inexplicably resolute in its use of Dennis the Menace on their packaging. The Eagles are resolute in their use of nylon stringed guitar and Glen Frey.
