Andrew L. wrote:I think I'm okay with urinal talk in the same way I'm okay crazy-man-on-the-train-or-bus talk. But urinal talkers ought to know this: touching your genitals and peeing whilst talking to strangers makes you seem crazy.

A few days ago I was using a urinal next to a large black man who was having a really emancipatory pee. "Oooh, yes. Yes, sir. OOOHHHH. I feel like a new maaan!!"

N/C

I was taking a leak in the Milwaukee County Courthouse about ten years ago, and after various urgent grunts and whatnot from the stall behind me, I hear....."Oh, it's better than a woman!"

an ex-bandmate once told a hilarious story about being on the same shit schedule with a co-worker, and about how the guy would always try to start a conversation while they were both shitting.

ex-bandmate says, "i'm trying to read this copy of time i found in here..."

shitter talk: more crap than urinal talk which is also crap.


"hey man...peein' huh...alllllriiiiiiight."

Overall, not crap. I find toilet talk a bit odd being sober with some stranger during the day/in the office, but if you've had a few drinks in some bar at night chewing the fat whilst pissing, that can be funny/enlightening.

for those who haven't seen it, it's probably best to make a reference to this video on Male Restroom Etiquette.

On urinal talk itself, CRAP. Nothing's more uncomfortable than watching two guys actually have the gall to carry on a conversation while they're peeing side-by-side each other.

If it's a stranger then crap. Although a friend of mine can make small talk at a urinal like no one's business.

If it's a friend then I'll carry on a conversation. Or if I'm drunk I might trot out a few of the old classics.

"So this is where all the big nobs hang out?"

"Water's cold in the bottom of the trough tonight."

"These urinal cakes taste funny."

etc



My cousin was at a urinal in a nightclub once and the guy next to him started pissing with so much force that it splashed back and a few drops actually landed on my cousin's face. The guy apologised profusely but my cousin's a nice guy so it wasn't a big deal. But then the guy kept coming over to him all night and offering to buy him drinks.

Having someone piss on your face is not really a good foundation for a new friendship.

15 Things You Hope Never Happen To You In A Urinal

(Gameboy short film that my friends made a few years back)

I would rather not, but I'm generally too polite to cut someone off if they strike up a chat.

Now, over-the-stall-mid-shit-chat - that's just not on.

Crap.

The last time I remember it happening to me with a stranger, some drunk dude was telling me how there was this girl he made out with a few weeks back and she was here and was totally ignoring him. I replied, "Please don't talk to me while I'm peeing." "God! fine dude!" "Yes, it is fine for me to whizz in peace." Wtf? Leave a urinating man alone. Peeing in public is hard enough as it is. Talk to me at the sink if it's that important.

My favorite was when a co-worker was at the unirnal next to me and he got a call on his cell. He picked it up, said, "I thought I told you never to call me here," and hung up.

Fuck these people.

One time we were drinking in this really rough pub, I was already plastered before leaving the house because it really late and we'd been hitting stouts and watching dvds all evening.

Nature yelled and I went for a whizzle, and the toilet was this filthy fucking hole of a room at the end of a long hallway. Incredibly dodgy looking with a door hanging from its hinging and puddles of piss everywhere. I was massively horrified to see that this junky looking guy was perched over the only urinal muttering to himself. Uh-oh, sez I and I squeeze past to use the stale. I lock the door. And soon there is a banging on the fucking door with this dude yelling "Pussy! Pussy!"

I zip the trou back up and tentatively re-open the door and the junkie dude swans in and bear hugs me. "Nobody should have to fucking use the stall in this place, just because I'm in here" so he leaves so I can take a piss. When I finish he's all "don't forget to wash your hands". When I leave he follows me to the bar and chats with me. All the while damning me with faint/questionable praise "I thought you wuz one of 'em pussy fucking queer fags we get round here, no yez aint mate you allreeeet, yez the best pal". I think I bought him a packet of crisps. I dunno we were both laughing pretty hard.

Is that crap or not crap, I can't decide.