I think I've probably told this story here before, if so, sorry.

This story relates to an old boss I had who happened to be an Irishman. My wife is Irish and my kids half-Irish, so I reckon I'm allowed to tell a story relating to a dumb Irishman.

There are many stories about this dumb, Irish boss. One story tells of the time, prior to Christmas when (attempting to secure Christmas cover) he said to an employee "I don't suppose you'll be doing anything for Christmas, what with your parents just dying an' all..."

The best story is a story he used to tell himself - admirably (?) he was vaguely aware of his own dumbness.

When he was a teenager and fresh out of school, he set off to town one day where the annual work-fair was taking place in the hope of securing a job.

He returned later to his parents brimming with excitement and bursting to tell of his good luck.

"Ma! Da! Wait 'til you hear what I've done! I've only gone and got a job playing the trumpet!! he gushed, waving his employment contract wildly.

Taking the contract from his son, by dumb Irish boss' dad replied "Son, you've only fecking joined the army you fecking idiot!"

MrFood wrote:Just checking - had the person in question actually just been bereaved, or was this a standard jokey line of his?

I mean, this guy would appear to be supremely dumb.

Yeah, the guy's parents had just died. This man was supremely dumb, quite a nice guy though.

MrFood wrote:you can't work out the difference of scale implied by the words 'Europe' and 'World'

This would only make one cup better than another if you think the world is a gigantic football.

I lived with a band mate and his girlfriend for a while. One day, while watching some Beatles documentary, she asked what state Liverpool was in.

busbus wrote:I lived with a band mate and his girlfriend for a while. One day, while watching some Beatles documentary, she asked what state Liverpool was in.

If you've ever been to Liverpool, you'd know it's in a fucking complete state.

Boom boom.

These aren't so much dumb people as they are lapses.

A friend of mine tried to convince me, in all seriousness, that bears are cats.

Once while driving up to Canada my wife and I were passing through Virginia, MN and she asks me where we were to which I reply Virginia. "Oh," she says, "I have family in Virginia." I tell her that I wasn't aware of this fact. "Yeah, in Richmond," she replys. I start laughing and I tell her that we were in the town of Virginia in the state of Minnesota not the state of Virginia. "Well I was never good at Geometry," she said in her defense. I didn't have the heart to say anything in return.

busbus wrote:I lived with a band mate and his girlfriend for a while. One day, while watching some Beatles documentary, she asked what state Liverpool was in.

Interestingly enough, there is a Liverpool in Illinois, New York, Pennsylvania, Texas and Ohio.

You missed a opportunity there, you could have had her believing the Fab Four were from any one of those. Could have been pretty hilarious down the line.

I grew up with this kid. Use to call me a nazi because I was a little German. Awesome.
We worked together at a video store and a guy came up and asked if we had 'Memento'
The guy types in 'Momento' and obviously it doesn't come up and he says, "Nope, we don't have it." - And the movie had just come out. I move him out of the way and type in the correct spelling and said yes, we had like 2 copies.

He just gets this goofy smile and laughs. I think he's married now ... scary thought.

I also had a bible teacher who refused the dinosaurs were real because they weren't in the bible. I hated going to a christian high school.

The bass player in my old band (it's always the bass player) had a new girlfriend who was stunningly slow, but she had big boobs, and for him, that was enough...

we were watching a movie, and that message came up: "This film has been modified to fit your screen" etc.

And she LOUDLY announces "I just don't get that. How do THEY know how big MY teevee screen is?"