17
by ironyengine_Archive
Christmas shopping, Towson Town Center mall, Baltimore, 2002. My friend Greg and I are in the Electronic Boutique and Greg is playing the in-store Gamecube to try out the new first-person alien shooter Metroid Prime. I am watching him, we are suitably in awe.
A dude, who I will call Unsilent Bob because he was wearing a black trenchcoat and because he was highly annoying, sidles next to me and close to Greg and starts spouting off about how great the game is, he's got it already and the controls are really well done for a franchise that went from side-scrolling to fps, but that the one drawback is "you can't straff." With a short A sound, as though the word rhymed with "staff." He tells both of us, loudly and nasally and repeatedly, that he really likes the controls except for the lack of straff. He may have even said 'straffing' at one point.
After we left the store we both discussed what a douchebag Unsilent Bob was, and how we didn't even bother correcting him because if we'd opened our mouths a lot more than "the word is STRAFE" would have come out. In Greg's own words, "SHUTUP! METROID!"
The best part was, I discovered later, dude was wrong anyway. You can totally straff.
Rick Reuben wrote:You are dumber than week-old donuts.