20
by Brian Madigan_Archive
while driving: total crap
I was driving down Halstead on the way back from some awful show. This part of town is where all the white people go to get hammered and hook up with loud puffy whoo! girls.
So I'm on my way through and I see this white dude laying in a pool of blood and glass. I stopped just because I just happened to have a record label rep. in the passenger seat who is deathly afraid of blood. So I get out and this guy's BFF is crying and shouting something, but he's too drunk to be any use, and theres a few girls with them who are also screaming 'OH my GOD. OH My GOD'. So they're trying to get someone to call an ambulance ('CAll a fucking ambulance OH MY GOD').
So from what I gather this skinny white d-bag said the wrong thing to a pair of mexicans, who went and smashed his head with a bottle, after which he fell straight back on his smashed head, and smashed it a little more. He was lucky he was still breathing, I guess, although I would not want to wake up the next day with that kind of headache. I picked up his head off the ground to see what the damage was, and clear his breathing holes of vomit or burrito or whatever it was. His skull was crushed in from what I could feel, it was like a big raw egg that had been dropped from a small height.
Long story short, the record label guy was in my car barfing out the door. It was hilarious. I told him to grab me a jug of water out of the back seat so I could get some of the blood off, but he had fainted.