My drum teacher taught me this (U of I), and after searching countless sites, purchasing a drum tuner and trying to "hear" the pitch of the tom, I've found this method to be much more efficient and pretty darned good. He calls it zero-tuning.
1) set the tom on the ground and detune all the lugs on one head until they are loose, then finger tighten them
2) start with one lug, and pressing down on the rim next to it with your palm (put your weight on it), tune the lug until you feel it grip, then tune up a 1/2 turn
3) flip the drum around and do the same thing with the opposite lug, only applying a little less pressure (very scientific, right?)
4) do this with the next lug over (to the right), then the opposite of that one, and keep doing this till you get them all done
5) flip over and do the opposite side the same
6) listen for obvious tuning issues between lugs and tune accordingly, tuning by about a 1/4 turn, leaving the highest lug in place as a guide
7) try to match the two heads for the best resonance
when recording, detune the lug closest to the tom by a half turn or so (trust your ear -- you want it flat enough to get some punch, but not dead). If that's not enough, detune the lug opposite that one by a 1/2 turn or so.
As a general rule of thumb, I like to keep my toms pretty loose, but I like them to ring a bit. I prefer two-ply heads for recording, and one-ply heads for live. If you've still got too much ring, buy some cheap mufflers like the EMADs (although I've had problems with that brand coming loose really easily) or some sticky rubber gel buttons you can stick on the head. It's best if you can just get the tom to sound good without them, though. Don't buy the heads with the big circular pads in the middle. They kill the best part of the head.