Wow Tommy! 16!... in some years she will be as old as you.

second one: room-mate of the girl i actually wanted to get with. after we dated for a few weeks, and we broke up, she became a lesbian. recently saw that she runs a burlesque show in chicago. she's a "performance artist".

2nd one was just one of the many weirdos i've ended up inside. i didn't know that this would be my life then, though.

right so.
music festival and my friend ends up fucking some girl and i speak to her friend - only she wasn't her friend just someone who'd she'd met ten minutes earlier or something - and she's about ten years older, quite pretty but with a jaw like stallone and stupid long multicoloured hair.

so we get in her tent and she says "oh god, i have this amazing music that i know you'll love" and puts on this cd player playing, i shit you not, the vocal part of heroes by bowie but with weird backward strings and chanting. whatever. i'm drunk, 17 and it seems like a good idea.

pull off her clothes and she's babbling about us having a connection or something fucking hippy and then at this point i realise half her head is shaved and there's some fucking tribal tattoo in the shaved part. how i missed this before then is beyond me.

she then says "let me smell your theramones" and starts sniffing my armpits and wants me to do the same. her pits are hairy. i now notice her legs are hairy, but like clearly fucking years of hair; mould on fruit. she then has a go at me for wearing deoderant because she needs to smell my theramones because we're animals or some shit.

i'm really weirded out at this point.

and somehow hard.

i fucked her and then made up some excuse and ran like fuck.

I would have probably dated that girl for 2 or 3 years

Can I just say, Tommy, that you've totally blown my mind. You're two years older than me and a dad. insane.

Do you feel like a dad? Do you know Kim really well?

she's probably outside your window now.

It was only a few months after my first encounter, and I met a girl who became infatuated with me and I totally took advantage of her. I was still getting over the first girl I guess.

Went to her house a bunch of times after school my first semester and had sex in her bed. It was awesome sex. Still some of the best I ever had. I totally got my stroke from our little meetings, which still works.

Anyways, we got caught one night when I snuck through her window, her morbidly obese dad tried to kill me, then he threatened to call the cops. I just barely avoided a statutory charge.

s = y wrote:she then says "let me smell your theramones" and starts sniffing my armpits and wants me to do the same. her pits are hairy. i now notice her legs are hairy, but like clearly fucking years of hair; mould on fruit. she then has a go at me for wearing deoderant because she needs to smell my theramones because we're animals or some shit.

i'm really weirded out at this point.

and somehow hard.

i fucked her and then made up some excuse and ran like fuck.

Definitely ranks as one of the better first posts.

Ace wrote:Can I just say, Tommy, that you've totally blown my mind. You're two years older than me and a dad. insane.

When I was in high school, the guitarist of my band not only got the girl pregnant the first time he ever had sex but it was with TWINS. He was 14 when she had them.

Drummer of the band we'd been on tour with. I was pretty dead set on breaking up with #1 (A.) at the time and #2 (T.) was just so damn charming and seemingly wonderful. 6'4", similar taste in music to my own, funny as hell, great to be around, charismatic, etc.

T. was quite the change from A., who was...well, A. wound up an accountant. He would sit at the back of the club when my band played shows and read a book, only listened to classical and jazz, whined about his arthritis/scoliosis whenever I'd suggest we do something outdoors, and really liked to play golf.

T. and I had a swift, terrific romance going on, marred by the fact that he still lived with his ex- and that I lived 50 miles to the north. Since my band was located in Oshkosh and I was dating someone in Oshkosh, we decided it made sense for me to transfer schools and jobs and move to Oshkosh. T. also decided that since he needed to move and I needed an apartment, we'd get something together. We found a cute 1-bedroom on Church Street in a converted house from the turn of the century and signed a 9 month lease. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly.

A few days before moving, I got really, REALLY ill. I felt as if I had strep throat and had also been beaten with a baseball bat. My parents didn't believe me and made me move all of my things at the height of the sickness. I finally went to the doctor the next day and found out that I had the worst case of mononucleosis that the doctor and nurses had ever seen. I'm pretty lucky I didn't burst my spleen while moving, and I probably picked up the virus while working my job at the ShopKo pharmacy.

So, I was not to have contact with people for awhile. T. played an out-of-town show and stopped by after the show to tell me that not only was he not moving in, he was breaking up with me. So, I had mono, had just moved to a new city where I knew almost no one, and was being dumped by the guy with whom I was technically on a lease with. Yay!

He said that he would still pay for his portion of the rent, which I think was around $250 a month. He did pay for about 5 months and then stopped. I'd heard from friends that it was right around the time his ex-/sometimes girlfriend kicked him out for cheating on her again, so I'm assuming he could no longer afford the extra money out of pocket each month.

I sued his ass and won a settlement. It took him about 2.5 years at $20/month (the most he said he could pay) to pay off the money he owed for rent. Ridiculous, but at least I got the money from the bastard somehow.

He's now married and has children with his wife. She seemed nice enough. She came up to me at a concert to compliment me on my shoes/outfit and tell me how much she liked my sense of style. I don't think she knew who I was. For awhile there I was getting checks sent to me with her name on them, not T.'s. Heh.

A. and I tried getting back together after that. He was still bitter about the T.-related break-up and wound up dumping me right after Valentine's Day so he could date the woman he'd eventually marry. I had a nervous breakdown and got to spend some time in a hospital. A. and his wife eventually separated when she cheated on him with one of their best friends. I came out to California to visit A. last May. Now I live here. The mononucleosis in combination with all of the stress at the time probably resulted in my current fibromyalgia awesomeness.

The end! Happy happy ending!

**The other fun part to this story is that, in my depressed state post #2 breaking up with me, I fucked a Republican.