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Ah wow...I empathise completely. I shall write properly when I am at my desktop, but for now I want to extend my unconditional support. There are no words for what you are dealing with, but many have been through something similar.

Really sorry you're going through this. Your post about him opening about about old shows / stories reminded me of Michael Kupperman's new book. It may be worth checking out if you're into that kind of thing.

They checked his folate intake, right? Please tell me they ruled out pseudodementias.

biscuitdough wrote:That seems like a sudden onset for Alzheimers compared to my dad, who showed symptoms long before it became debilitating, but I'm not a doctor.If you feel ok doing so, could you say a bit about how you started to notice?

Oh dear. I'm very sorry to read about all this - it must be an immensely frustrating situation both for you and your father, especially if some days are better for him than others. That's one of the cruelest aspects of dementia - it tends to fluctuate, tantalizing the sufferer with the possibility that they're getting better and that their situation is temporary, only to be followed by continual relapses. One thing about your posts that struck me re. your stepmother - do you think it's possible that deep down, she does actually realize what's going on with your father but is in denial because the prospect of losing the person he used to be is just too upsetting for her to come to terms with? That wouldn't be an unusual response from a family member towards another with a potentially long-term mental health condition. Are you based in the US? if so, what's the healthcare situation like where you are? I sincerely hope your father is able to access the help and support he needs if his illness does turn out to be permanent.

Also just adding a word of caution: be prepared for people around him not getting your choices at all, maybe even including key people that help out in some way. It became clear to me and my siblings that most of my dad's acquaintances do not think he should be in a memory care facility that he can not leave on his own. Even key people that have helped to get him to doctors' appointments etc. It became clear in conversation that they think he is the same old dude, through their very limited interaction and conversation on topics that he knows like the back of his hand. One "friend" (who had neglected to spend any time with him for like a year after retirement, a year of malaise and depression leading up to his diagnosis) tried to break him out of the facility essentially. Showed him the door code and had him write it down, slipped out with him although he wasn't on the approved list and showed up unannounced at my brother's workplace, was a complete ass to my sister, who has poured her heart into helping my dad. All of these people have not had the experience of talking to my dad when he is hallucinating wildly during bad episodes, telling me the FBI is at his place and he can't talk right now, or seen him essentially bonkers, trying to pick crabs out of the carpet and getting aggressive with my brother and sister in the psychotic episode that led to him being in a geripsych ward and then the memory care facility. These episodes are more symptomatic of Lewys Bodies, so you may not experience anything like that at all, but be prepared for a huge gap between your (likely accurate) perception of changes in your dad's condition and that of others who know or see him casually or have perhaps even more at stake materially or psychologically on some level, like your step-mother. Again, only a word of caution. Take care of your dad, take care of yourself, take care of your brother (and he you), get that support system that Seby is talking about, but steel yourself to perhaps having to shut out everybody else and weather the implication that you are somehow not doing the right thing or acting in your dad's best interest.

Some very tough times and stories in this thread, having seen my father in law decline with Alzheimer's before his death, I have great empathy for your personal experiences. Having to navigate the health care system on top of that must be a nightmare.I hope this is received in the right spirit but I work for a dementia research and education centre, and we have a free online comprehensive course about the nature and personal experience of dementia. If you have family members who find it tough to cope or to understand what is happening, it provides a lot of evidence based information in a very clear and accessible style, and people can study the material at their own rate. It's offered a couple of times a year, and many people who care for loved ones with dementia find it tremendously supportive because they feel like they're not going through it alone - there are online forums provided as part of enrolling in the course, and we host literally tens of thousands of people worldwide each time.The next intake will be early next year - you can register interest here:http://www.utas.edu.au/wicking/understanding-dementiaAlso if anyone has any questions about symptoms, the nature of the diseases, potential treatments - I am a researcher in this field and although there's plenty I don't know, I'm happy to find and recommend information resources for anyone who needs anything.

I don't think I'm worried about people not getting any decisions I/we make except for my stepmom. My dad is both well know and well liked around here and I have been in contact with his closest friends since this all began and they all agree that there is something seriously wrong. I know some people have distanced themselves from him and I can't blame them for it but mostly, people just wish he was getting some sort of help. One of the harder things is that often, especially on the the phone, a short conversation with him can sound totally normal. He'll talk to someone about something work related and will seem totally normal but will completely forget the conversation 5 minutes later. Worse, he will sometimes remember a conversation but sort of distort what it was about and then will proceed to spend the day doing things that are either unnecessary or downright wrong. He'll them get mad because he doesn't know or think that what he was doing was wrong. Another really frustrating thing is that every day when I talk to him, he says he's getting better. He says it without fail and it's just not true. He certainly has better days than others but he is in no way getting better yet he genuinely believe that he is. I've tried to tell him that maybe he isn't and he won't listen so now I just nod and agree when he says it. He also keeps coming up with these, in his words, "great ideas" for businesses that basically make no sense and I'm worried he's going to somehow try to do one of them without telling anyone and blow what little money he has or worse. I sort of humor him when he tells me the ideas but wonder if I should be a little more firm with him about them. On the one hand, I think its good that he's daydreaming and he seems to like it but on the other, he's in absolutely no shape to be doing his current job and is certainly not able to start some sort of business. I mean, he can barely use his phone at this point.

Ah wow. Again, I am so terribly sorry that all of this is going on. The situation through which I went with my mother was, although different in parts, very similar.You are in a horrible situation that you did not ask for. Neither of course did your father or step mother, but it is unlikely to be either of them who mitigates it. Needless to say, you and/or your brother are going to have to make the call if and when you believe that your step mother s behaviour is causing your father the sort of harm (physical, emotional, psychological, financial, and so on) that cannot be allowed to persist. Bluntly, it is going to be fucking horrible. Get some good people around you, those on whom you can rely and to whom you can delegate. You can do this, all of it. It will be like walking into a firestorm of emotional napalm, but you can do this. You will know when. It will be like getting hit with a moral tractor beam that screams œenough ¦. . Prepare to be stunned by the number of people who will come out of the woodwork to help, selflessly, when you need it. They won t offer, they will just turn up and do amazing things. In the meantime, vent away man