Mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, do we really need more bloviated bullshit with no artistic weight to back it up? On the other hand, what DOES your music bring to the table? I've seen a lot of bands, my own included, who would have well served asking themselves that. Having a press release that just compares you to other bands is bullshit too.

Also, if you are applying for an artist grant or want to perform at libraries, museums or cultural institutions, you'll need one of these pompous statements.

losthighway wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2024 4:08 pm What's the worst is when you're playing a thing or releasing a thing and someone asks you for one of these.

I had to write a short one for my black metal band for a fest we're playing, and I tried to make it as baroque as possible (as is the style), but in the end I went with something extremely simple.

"Playing to four or forty this band typically brings it. They've opened for national acts on indie labels and headlined the best rock bars various Fridays and Saturdays. Currently laying down grand tracks for their next opus (available on Youtube and CD-R). Put your hands and lips together for your next obsession...(fill in your name). "

They've got the chops and attitude to go skyward, and will be bringing that energy to an Eagles club near you. Check them out on CD Baby.

I think I'm going to retire from music.

ChudFusk wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2024 11:21 am Why do bands feel the need to represent themselves as something greater than the sum of their parts?

Because it's a clear litmus test of them deeply never having been punk

Bro, I went to art school. Every damn thing you farted out was expected to be accompanied by an extensive wank note.

I can decode that shit just fine but I was never willing to play that game. My old art theory lecturer would say it's the sign of an intellectual phoney; not expressing yourself like somebody who wants to actually make themselves understood. And then you parse it out and it's like, ok, that's your concept, fine, whatever, use nonsense words from Jabberwocky to try to evoke the shifting nature of childhood memories in adulthood. It's not clever unless it works.

I think art school largely exists to weed out people who aren't willing to talk a colossal load of shit to impress rich rubes. They just don't want to say that bit out loud. Einstein could explain Relativity to a child, but you need a PhD to follow what the critics say about some alcoholic's ugly painting.

One of my bands put "we play fast and slow" on a poster one time, which was true as most of the material was either very slow or very fast. But I suspect that's being a little bit too pretentiously unpretentious.

As an aside, I don't really see any problem with dancing about architecture and I'm sure it's been done.

Anthony Flack wrote: Tue Mar 19, 2024 4:01 pm Bro, I went to art school. Every damn thing you farted out was expected to be accompanied by an extensive wank note.

Was waiting for someone to mention this. Artists know that musicians have it easy. A casual statement at a local coffee shop out-cringes some of the worst band bios you've ever read.

That said, among bands, it's hard to say if the worst offenders are

Moon Juice Spiritual Awakening Folk Ukelele Cover Crunchy Yoga Moms

or

Paleophlebotomic Mandibular Dessication Lovecraft Carbuncle Scabies Metal

An album, like a film, painting or poem can have a theme that's holding it together. But if you have to announce it you can kind of spoil it (or describe something smart you did stupidly). The problem is people usually only listen to their favorite bands in a way that allows them to access those layers. "My buddy's new thing" isn't usually where this happens unless you're a generous listener. I think a film maker has a better crack at more people taking it on at that level.

losthighway wrote: Tue Mar 19, 2024 5:13 pm I think a film maker has a better crack at more people taking it on at that level.

And good luck with that in film, even.

Anthony Flack wrote: Tue Mar 19, 2024 4:01 pm I think art school largely exists to weed out people who aren't willing to talk a colossal load of shit to impress rich rubes. They just don't want to say that bit out loud.

oof, you're not wrong. The few career artists I've met are like 5% creation and 95% hustle.

There was a time when it worked for music too but that hype machine has largely died, which makes poofy band bios seem even sillier/more pointless. Like, way to bust out the thesaurus for something that'll maybe sell 200 copies.