International House of Pancakes = Bad Religion

Close to acceptable upon first inspection, subsequent visits at other times and locations reveals a dense, plastic, cookie-cutter inadequacy and lack of variety/substance not unlike jerking off simply so you can go to sleep.

Like the thick and stale, sweet, uniform scoops of "butter" on everything, IHOP's only remaining brick of substance (i.e. the only one it ever had, and the one around which popular opinion built some sort of shit-pile shaped castle, while IHOP causually pretended they deserved it) melted long ago into a puddle of grease which ran down the ass crack of the real food and which--if you looked away for even a second, and then had the nerve to look back--became a laughable transparency of vague "French-ness" or our childish pre-WWII idea of what that is.

Edit: Sorry, I responded off of IHOP on the first page. I don't know WaWa's. But for my franchise I say...Jamba Juice.

Jamba Juice = Sublime
trying to pass off as exotic, even though everyone knows it was concieved in someone's garage in suburban L.A., and it's marketed as being better (and/or better for you) than it is.

(for the record: i would dispute the analogy of Shellac to Starbucks. how about something a little more... omnipresent? like Bono. not U2. just Bono.)

Franchise: Noodles & Co.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Beef-A-Roo = Jerry Lee Lewis

Have legally employed thirteen year olds for greasy, degrading tasks.

Bradley R. Weissenberger also wrote:AM/PM mini-markets = Chemical Brothers

Only two guys on shift. Both are button punchers with limited skills.

Both of these contributions are just fantastic.

Thanks again to Andrew L.AD for thinking of this game!

Noah wrote:Franchise: Friendly's

The MC5. Both kick out the jams.

instant_zen wrote:Franchise: Noodles & Co.

=Libertines
Relies on the cooking up of vegetables.



Franchise=Au Bon Pain

Angus Jung wrote:Arby's = Ministry

Limp, soggy beef with unappetizing crap poured over it.

International House Of Pancakes.

IHOP=The Dave Matthews Band

Any pretensions of being "international" or "worldly" are overshadowed by a particularly American brand of bland predictability. Additionally, both are beloved of stoners and fat chicks.

Franchise: Quizno's.

Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:Franchise: Quizno's.

The Residents, based soley on those fucked up rat creatures that they had singing their theme for awhile.

Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:Franchise: Quizno's.

Quizno's = Lindsey Lohan

Even though you are smokin' hot, you are not good.

Franchise: Rosco's Chicken n' Waffles

Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:Franchise: Quizno's.

Mike Patton/Mr. Bungle.

Cumbersome, tossed-off arrangements of various, low-quality ingredients and a generally overzealous approach makes for a nauseating experience.

Will likely attract some of your friends.

Connor

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:McDonald's = Guns 'n' Roses

Spokesman is a total clown. Other employees are unknown minimum wage workers.

Here's another mind-blowing BRW entry from the archives.

For those new to this game: BRW is the gold standard.

connor wrote:Connor

Connor's=Fleetwood Mac.

Traditional, delicious, predictable comfort food served in harmonious pairings.

Au Bon Pain and Cheescake Factory are hanging back. Lonely. Waiting for you witty mofos.