And the hits just keep on coming. Once, again I find myself at work laughing hysterically and my co-workers looking at me like I am nuttier than a shit-house loon.

when i was about twelve or thirteen, i was in the passenger seat, driving back from a trip to michigan with my dad.

"dad, can we pull over? i've gotta pee."

"no, just hold it."

"i gotta go."

"here, pee in that big red cup."

so i pee in the big red plastic cup. now i have a big red plastic cup full of nice hot piss.

"be careful with that, jay"

"here, i'll pour it out the window!"

"NOOooo..."

i dump it out the window, but as we're travelling about 80 mph, it sprays all over me, all over the side of the car, all over everything.

my dad still gives me a hard time about the "red cup incident".

I'm pretty prone to putting my foot in my mouth, but the worst has to be about a year ago. I was at a bar with some friends, and there was some girl there that my friends' girlfriend was trying to hook me up with. I wasn't very interested, as she was a nice girl, but not very attractive. But, being a nice guy, I get in a conversation with this girl, and I'm pretty drunk and just kind of talking out of my ass to amuse myself. At one point, she asks me about my band, since my friend's girlfriend must have told her that I play in bands, and I inform her that I was just starting a new one up and we didn't have a name yet. She asked if we had any names in mind, and for whatever reason, I tell her that one thing we were toying with was "Like Cancer, But Funny."

Her reply was "My mother just died of cancer last month."

She was pretty cool about it, but goddamn if I didn't feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.

Yeah, I've done that. I was talking to a girl about some bloke and I said "He's a racist cunt, I hope he gets rectal cancer", then she informed me her friend had just died of cancer a month ago.

Okay, so I know this is supposed to be about your own embarrasing moment, but "this guy I know" told me a wonderful story, so I'll pass the ingredients on to you.

science lab in high school during the 80's (short shorts)
hot chick lab partner
intestinal gas
fart
next fart not a fart
shitnugget out the leg of the short shorts
hershey kiss on the floor
thank you
the end

Just today I watched the music video for "It Can't Be Nashville Every Night" by The Tragically Hip not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times.

I really like the verses of this song, especially the first one. Because this is the kind of thing I would be reticent to mention, I think it qualifies as a more subtle but no less sincere form of embarrasment than crapping inside of the pants I'm wearing.

It Cant Be Nashville Every Night, Downie reveals, was inspired by a surreal image of the jingoistic country singer Toby Keith, who he imagined in a GI uniform running, Tom Hanks-style, across the screen with everything exploding around him

I cannot express the kind of pleasure I take from seeing things like

coke dealer

above Theodor Adorno's frog-like profile.

from 1999 to 2004 I insisted that Beth Orton was the lady from Portishead. I was too stubborn to actually check if this was true.

I hurt my lower back in college; nine years later, I have finally gotten around to some physical therapy. Okay, all right, physical therapy is great.

Part of the problem with my lower back is some bizarre, cranky muscle which pulls my sacrum (end of the spine) sideways.

To make it better, my rad and generally lovely physical therapist has to use this "deep tissue massager" instrument of torture thing on my butt. They politely refer to this as my "hip", but don't believe them. It is as butt as butt can be. This could qualify as embarrassing on its own, but it hurts too much so I'm over it.

No no, the embarrassing thing is worse than having your left buttcheek jack-hammered in the middle of a room filled with super-athletes ("those fuckers") watching you thrash about like a fish on a beach.

Now, I have to eat something around 5 or I turn into a werewolf: a big, angry werewolf. My appointments are at 5:30.

YOU try to hold farts in while some poor soul is yanking your back/butt around in wild, swinging arcs.

I see Allison again tonight at 5:30. I shall fart in her face for a full 30 minutes.

bumble wrote:I hurt my lower back in college; nine years later, I have finally gotten around to some physical therapy. Okay, all right, physical therapy is great.

Part of the problem with my lower back is some bizarre, cranky muscle which pulls my sacrum (end of the spine) sideways.

To make it better, my rad and generally lovely physical therapist has to use this "deep tissue massager" instrument of torture thing on my butt. They politely refer to this as my "hip", but don't believe them. It is as butt as butt can be. This could qualify as embarrassing on its own, but it hurts too much so I'm over it.

No no, the embarrassing thing is worse than having your left buttcheek jack-hammered in the middle of a room filled with super-athletes ("those fuckers") watching you thrash about like a fish on a beach.

Now, I have to eat something around 5 or I turn into a werewolf: a big, angry werewolf. My appointments are at 5:30.

YOU try to hold farts in while some poor soul is yanking your back/butt around in wild, swinging arcs.

I see Allison again tonight at 5:30. I shall fart in her face for a full 30 minutes.

Make sure you drink a 40 of Olde English and eat a nice batch of canned Hormel Chili before you go. This will definitely test the bounds of medical professionalism.