Kris K wrote:I'm going to share a very sad one from today.
Not wanting sympathy but will feel good to get it off my chest.

About six months ago my Mom had to have a series of brain surgeries that have left her with permanent brain damage. She's unable to walk or do anything for herself. The part of her brain that was affected controls balance, movement, cognition etc.. She was a strong independent, vibrant and fiery woman. I was dancing to Billy Childish in my favorite club in London with my boyfriend whom I miss terribly when I got the call that this was happening. I came to Pittsburgh immediately and moved here from Chicago to take care of her. The prognosis is that she will never recover and the surgeries, although they saved her life, resulted in leaving her with the mental capacity of a small child.

They sent her home to me three months ago now with a trach, a feeding tube and a wheelchair. I figured it all out and last month the trach came out and this week we graduated to food and the feeding tube was removed. That is uber positive.
The situation is beyond heartbreaking. Her quality of life is questionable at best and although I do my best to make it comfortable and make her smile or feel good in any way, it's not one I would elect for myself or anyone I really loved. I literally pray for any moments of joy for her.

She was single, I have no siblings, my extended family are horrible and have been little help, if anything they have made things harder for me and my Mom. They are more concerned with vulturing her money, which I can't stop them from doing. My Mom is a beautiful Italian woman and owned and ran a very successful strip club here in Pittsburgh. She has her son running it with no transparency whatsoever to me. My family are raping it for their own profit. Her sister has her power of attorney. Since I lived in Chicago I agreed with my Mom years ago that would be a good idea being that I trusted them and never saw something quite like this coming. That means I am unable to stop them or hire the help quality that I would choose to keep her at home. I don't want her to end up in a care facility. I have figured out the solution is that I have had the aunt hire herself, her friends and her/my own family to come here and take over for me so I can at least go to work, to the store or just get out, although the latter pretty rarely. They pay themselves three times what I make playing in a big warehouse with records but for me it's priceless time. Blabbing on an internet forum or playing in a fantasy footie league is something that I now have personal time for and the kinds of things I'm able to do when she rests.

I know if any of you are bored enough to read this you might say something like hire an attorney. Well, I've always been the heir to this and it's never meant anything to me. I've never wanted to live here or have any part in the business. Chicago was my home. To gain legal custody of my Mom means staying here for what could be twenty or thirty more years. Her vitals are perfect. I love her so much but just want to leave and get on with my life as long as she's being taken care of well and I can come and visit her.

That's the background, here's the moment:


This morning I was giving her a shower and she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "I'm never going to get any better am I"?

I looked her right in her eyes and said, "Don't be silly, of course you will", knowing full well that was a lie.

Then she said, "You'll never leave me will you?" And I said, "Of course not Mom". When I know for certain I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this, and every day all I want to do is get out of here forever and move all of my stuff to England.

I feel like a real asshole for lying to her and even worse for wanting to get out of here so bad. In fact I'm planning to leave for a few months come October and am excited every day for it. I'm sure that does not make me a bad person.

Cheers.

richterbjack wrote:Last night the lady and I went out for dinner and drinks for the first time in over two months (we've been living on a limited income recently). After we finished eating and were doing the six or seven block walk to the bars, an older guy in a beaten up Orlando Magic shirt asked me if I could spot him $0.15. I've become so accustomed to not carrying cash that I usually just tell people "Sorry, I don't have anything on me." The guy looked genuinely disappointed when I said as much, so I decided to pull my wallet out and see what I could do. Turns out I had some old dollar I'd forgotten about that had probably been sitting in there for three or four weeks. I forked over the paper without hesitation, and the guy was excited because he could afford a beer (his words).

That felt really nice.

Kris K wrote:This morning I was giving her a shower and she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "I'm never going to get any better am I"?

I looked her right in her eyes and said, "Don't be silly, of course you will", knowing full well that was a lie.

Then she said, "You'll never leave me will you?" And I said, "Of course not Mom". When I know for certain I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this, and every day all I want to do is get out of here forever and move all of my stuff to England.

I feel like a real asshole for lying to her and even worse for wanting to get out of here so bad. In fact I'm planning to leave for a few months come October and am excited every day for it. I'm sure that does not make me a bad person.

Kris K wrote:I'm going to share a very sad one from today.
Not wanting sympathy but will feel good to get it off my chest.

About six months ago my Mom had to have a series of brain surgeries that have left her with permanent brain damage. She's unable to walk or do anything for herself. The part of her brain that was affected controls balance, movement, cognition etc.. She was a strong independent, vibrant and fiery woman. I was dancing to Billy Childish in my favorite club in London with my boyfriend whom I miss terribly when I got the call that this was happening. I came to Pittsburgh immediately and moved here from Chicago to take care of her. The prognosis is that she will never recover and the surgeries, although they saved her life, resulted in leaving her with the mental capacity of a small child.

They sent her home to me three months ago now with a trach, a feeding tube and a wheelchair. I figured it all out and last month the trach came out and this week we graduated to food and the feeding tube was removed. That is uber positive.
The situation is beyond heartbreaking. Her quality of life is questionable at best and although I do my best to make it comfortable and make her smile or feel good in any way, it's not one I would elect for myself or anyone I really loved. I literally pray for any moments of joy for her.

She was single, I have no siblings, my extended family are horrible and have been little help, if anything they have made things harder for me and my Mom. They are more concerned with vulturing her money, which I can't stop them from doing. My Mom is a beautiful Italian woman and owned and ran a very successful strip club here in Pittsburgh. She has her son running it with no transparency whatsoever to me. My family are raping it for their own profit. Her sister has her power of attorney. Since I lived in Chicago I agreed with my Mom years ago that would be a good idea being that I trusted them and never saw something quite like this coming. That means I am unable to stop them or hire the help quality that I would choose to keep her at home. I don't want her to end up in a care facility. I have figured out the solution is that I have had the aunt hire herself, her friends and her/my own family to come here and take over for me so I can at least go to work, to the store or just get out, although the latter pretty rarely. They pay themselves three times what I make playing in a big warehouse with records but for me it's priceless time. Blabbing on an internet forum or playing in a fantasy footie league is something that I now have personal time for and the kinds of things I'm able to do when she rests.

I know if any of you are bored enough to read this you might say something like hire an attorney. Well, I've always been the heir to this and it's never meant anything to me. I've never wanted to live here or have any part in the business. Chicago was my home. To gain legal custody of my Mom means staying here for what could be twenty or thirty more years. Her vitals are perfect. I love her so much but just want to leave and get on with my life as long as she's being taken care of well and I can come and visit her.

That's the background, here's the moment:


This morning I was giving her a shower and she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "I'm never going to get any better am I"?

I looked her right in her eyes and said, "Don't be silly, of course you will", knowing full well that was a lie.

Then she said, "You'll never leave me will you?" And I said, "Of course not Mom". When I know for certain I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this, and every day all I want to do is get out of here forever and move all of my stuff to England.

I feel like a real asshole for lying to her and even worse for wanting to get out of here so bad. In fact I'm planning to leave for a few months come October and am excited every day for it. I'm sure that does not make me a bad person.

Cheers.

Maurice wrote:Kris, that is indeed heartbreaking, and I wish you the best of luck and the strength you need.

Nina, I'd suggest picking up the stickleback and just sort of playing with it, with a faint smile on your face. After a while, look over at Owen--while you're still playing with the stickleback--and give him a big smile. Say, "Hey, hold still a minute," and wave it back and forth, closer and closer, still smiling. Start laughing. He should be getting nervous at this point. The more "You know what? I've finally...fucking...snapped--and it feels great!" you can be about it, the more likely he's going to get the hell out of there, assuming he's not a complete dunderhead.

If he is a complete dunderhead, I dunno, you could try the "there's a bunch of whores in the hallway" gambit or something.

tommydski wrote:Well that is just an phenomenally sad situation. You are an incredible person for dealing with it as well as you are. I don't know how you are coping. You must have a huge reserve of inner strength. I am hoping that it pulls you through.

I don't know what to say apart from hang in there. Good luck to you, I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is only a pin-point at the moment.