Rimbaud III,
I love you.
- Andy
P.S. can I have a 'bit' part - maybe as the merkin?
Pitch me a movie
132a g-rated disney movie about pavlov during his experiments with the dog, only instead of pavlov getting the dog to salivate when ringing a bell, the dog locks pavlov in his car, sprinkles ball bearings on the floor, etc. pavlov is to be fat, mustached and red-faced at all times, the dog will have one of those 'thinking voices' and only say witty one-liners like "bark? i'll show you bark" (before pushing pavlov into a tree), etc. there will be a scene where the dog raps.
Pitch me a movie
133What I got here is a high adventure, big as the Great Outdoors, on the plains of Finland and Northern Sweden, right? Think Man vs. Nature, think tundra, think reindeer, think Laplanders. You know, the Sami peoples of the North and all.
Now our main character, he's not really a Laplander. Don't worry, I wouldn't lead you down a road like that. Hehe yeah, no, he ain't no Laplander, cause who is, right? I know, I know it's gotta play in Kansas, not Copenhagen. Hehehe anyway, no, he's actually American, but he's a little boy, been stranded in Northern Finland after an airplane crash, OK?
Think Pathfinder meets Dances With Wolves meets The 13th Warrior, on ice. Eh? Eh?
Anyway, he's a sole survivor, this kid, a fighter. With a true American spirit, right? But he's taken in by this Laplander clan, riding around on snowmobiles dressed all up in them weird clothes they wear, chasing around after reindeer. Get this, Colleen Atwood has tentatively agreed to do the costumes. My people talked to her and she's on board to do the costumes, schedule permitting but don't worry, we'll get her. Anways this kid, he grows up sort of in their Sami, Laplander culture, right? But he's American. Lots of character development, personal growth, all that good shit.
So then flash forward like 10 years or so, the kid's all grown up. Then comes the day when this big American petroleum company discovers an underground sea of oil right underneath the reindeers' migratory path. They manage to curry influence with the Finnish government to get a big drilling operation going, OK? Well now it's up to this kid to lead the Laplanders in a battle to save the reindeer and their own and their ancestors' very way of life.
Got something for everybody, this movie. It's got action, it's got adventure, it's got heart, got environmental awareness, it's got action, adventure...
Eh? You smell an Academy Award yet or what?!? You bet you do! What do you think?
Well if you're not interested, could you at least pass on the treatment to Mr. Bruckheimer? I'd sure he'd appreciate it.
Now our main character, he's not really a Laplander. Don't worry, I wouldn't lead you down a road like that. Hehe yeah, no, he ain't no Laplander, cause who is, right? I know, I know it's gotta play in Kansas, not Copenhagen. Hehehe anyway, no, he's actually American, but he's a little boy, been stranded in Northern Finland after an airplane crash, OK?
Think Pathfinder meets Dances With Wolves meets The 13th Warrior, on ice. Eh? Eh?
Anyway, he's a sole survivor, this kid, a fighter. With a true American spirit, right? But he's taken in by this Laplander clan, riding around on snowmobiles dressed all up in them weird clothes they wear, chasing around after reindeer. Get this, Colleen Atwood has tentatively agreed to do the costumes. My people talked to her and she's on board to do the costumes, schedule permitting but don't worry, we'll get her. Anways this kid, he grows up sort of in their Sami, Laplander culture, right? But he's American. Lots of character development, personal growth, all that good shit.
So then flash forward like 10 years or so, the kid's all grown up. Then comes the day when this big American petroleum company discovers an underground sea of oil right underneath the reindeers' migratory path. They manage to curry influence with the Finnish government to get a big drilling operation going, OK? Well now it's up to this kid to lead the Laplanders in a battle to save the reindeer and their own and their ancestors' very way of life.
Got something for everybody, this movie. It's got action, it's got adventure, it's got heart, got environmental awareness, it's got action, adventure...
Eh? You smell an Academy Award yet or what?!? You bet you do! What do you think?
Well if you're not interested, could you at least pass on the treatment to Mr. Bruckheimer? I'd sure he'd appreciate it.
Pitch me a movie
134Rimbaud III wrote:I find my dead mother's old merkin, and I devise a devious plan to clone her from this, AND transplant MY BRAINS INTO HER HEAD.
a merkin is a wig. why would it have her dna? it's not her hair. no one's wig is made of their own hair. are you cloning from her dandruff?
Pitch me a movie
135world of pee wrote:Rimbaud III wrote:I find my dead mother's old merkin, and I devise a devious plan to clone her from this, AND transplant MY BRAINS INTO HER HEAD.
a merkin is a wig. why would it have her dna? it's not her hair. no one's wig is made of their own hair. are you cloning from her dandruff?
Sir, you are what we in the south-east of the capital would refer to colloquially as 'A BELL-END'. Go back to film school and talk about the homosexual undertones of Die Hard or Top Gun and take your plot holes with you.
THIS IS THE MOVIES!!!
Pitch me a movie
136world of pee wrote:Rimbaud III wrote:I find my dead mother's old merkin, and I devise a devious plan to clone her from this, AND transplant MY BRAINS INTO HER HEAD.
a merkin is a wig. why would it have her dna? it's not her hair. no one's wig is made of their own hair. are you cloning from her dandruff?
Tommy Alpha wrote:THIS IS THE MOVIES!!!
Pitch me a movie
137steve wrote:I'm pitching, I'm pitching already.
Remember how big the Malkovich movie was? With a real movie star in a movie about him? Remember how big that movie was?
Okay. It's 1980-something. Mickey Rourke is getting a little hot, but still obviously an idiot, and does mostly bad films. Mostly shit that Bruce Willis already passed on. Or shit where he bangs a hot unknown. And he's bitter about it, and is jealous and totally resents Bruce Willis for getting all the choice movies and real high-class pussy.
This is all in the movie. Maybe opening scroll, like Star Wars. "In 1980-something, Bruce Willis, while still an idiot, was getting a little hot..." you get the idea. So in the movie, Bruce Willis and Rourke are pals. Mickey Rourke is always complaining that he only gets shit Willis passed on already, etc. All that shit I just told you.
Here's the kicker: Bruce Willis in the movie is played by Mickey Rourke, and Mickey Rourke is played by Bruce Willis. So they get to be real bitches about mocking each other in their performances.
I am so fucking good at this. You'll agree in a moment.
In the movie, "Willis" (Mickey Rourke) -- I'm finger quoting because it gets confusing -- tells "Rourke" (Bruce Willis) he needs to man-up and stop taking all these bullshit movies just because he gets to bang a hot unknown. He should tell his agent not to consider any bullshit movies that were offered to him ("Willis") first. "Rourke" has a big meeting with his agent and tells him no more movies they offered to "Willis" first. He's a real prick about it too.
So one day, "Willis" gets a pitch for a movie where he gets to play Mickey Rourke and Mickey Rourke gets to play him. Basically the movie I'm talking about now. He says no, it's too gimmicky.
Undeterred, the producer takes it to "Rourke's" guy, and there's a whole thing about how "Willis" already said "no," and the thing before... Too much detail, whatever, you see what's coming. "Rourke" has to talk "Willis" into it, and he's begging and pathetic, and you can see how much Willis would love to play that part, right?
So finally they do it. Now we see them making the movie, and they have to mimic each other's mimicry of each other from the first half of the movie, and fuck me, I am so good at this.
There will definitely be a scene where "Bruce Willis" gets to fuck the shit out of Demi Moore, otherwise Rourke won't do it. We'll get some hot unknown to play Moore.
In the movie-movie they have a big argument about having a scene where "Rourke" (Willis) playing movie-"Willis" gets to fuck the shit out of movie-"Demi Moore," because in the movie-movie, they want "Demi Moore" to play herself, and movie-"Willis," ("Rourke") (Willis) will definitely be trying to stick it in her, pretending he's "acting."
You'll agree that I am so good at this it's ridiculous.
Holy shit, I was so confused by this, I had to read it through 3 times.
Pitch me a movie
138Okay, so the movie is about a man named Billy Joel. His mother was a fanatical fan of the singer, unfortunately for our hero. This could make for flashbacks to his childhood where he was neglected by his single mother while she followed Billy Joel on the road. So anyways, Billy is a lovable mid-20s slacker who is a huge Duran Duran fan. He has a best friend Albert, who also happens to be a slacker with a lisp and Tourettes Syndrome. They both work at Burger King. I'm thinking some nice product placement there. Anyways, his girlfriend Christie is concerned that he's going nowhere. She's just finished college and has decided to join the army. Billy is having a tough time dealing with this, and he begins lashing out at everyone around him. This only magnifies when she is deployed to Iraq. Do to his lashing out, he has everyone on his bad side, including Albert.
So, Billy Joel decides he's got to do something with his life, and that something includes his girlfriend. He decides to go to Iraq. Just before he is about to go, Albert comes back and decides that despite Billy being an ass, he isn't going to Iraq alone. After some hijinx, they eventually make it to Iraq. With nowhere to stay, they end up befriending a goat herder named Sadaf, who helps them look for Billy's girlfriend. Sadaf is also a little bit... too fond of his goats. They 18-25 demographic loves jokes about goat fucking, trust me. Eventually, Billy finds his girlfriend, and after a confrontation, they each storm off in different directions, but she is hit by an insurgent with a rocket launcher. Billy goes back to the goat herder's home and becomes very anti-American because the war killed his girlfriend. He and his best friend become involved in a terrorist plot with Sadaf, who reveals he is a member of Al Qaeda or some shit.
It comes to the terror plot, which is to crash a plane full of nuclear weapons into a Six Flags. Billy seems unflappable in his hate of America, despite Albert trying to convince him otherwise. As loyal as he is, though, he goes along with Billy and the terrorists. The plan is set in motion and is going off without a hitch until Billy learns that Duran Duran is playing at that very Six Flags that day. His allegiance to his all-time favorite band allows him to come to his senses and he saves the Six Flags at the zero hour. The FBI congratulates him when he and his best friend get off the plane, as do Duran Duran. He gets to sing a song on stage with them and impresses them so much that they offer him a spot in the band. They tell him Albert can't come with, and Billy Joel stays loyal to his best friend, who stayed loyal to him. They go back home and continue working at Burger King. Billy is promoted to assistant manager due to stopping the terrorists. They live happily ever after.
So, Billy Joel decides he's got to do something with his life, and that something includes his girlfriend. He decides to go to Iraq. Just before he is about to go, Albert comes back and decides that despite Billy being an ass, he isn't going to Iraq alone. After some hijinx, they eventually make it to Iraq. With nowhere to stay, they end up befriending a goat herder named Sadaf, who helps them look for Billy's girlfriend. Sadaf is also a little bit... too fond of his goats. They 18-25 demographic loves jokes about goat fucking, trust me. Eventually, Billy finds his girlfriend, and after a confrontation, they each storm off in different directions, but she is hit by an insurgent with a rocket launcher. Billy goes back to the goat herder's home and becomes very anti-American because the war killed his girlfriend. He and his best friend become involved in a terrorist plot with Sadaf, who reveals he is a member of Al Qaeda or some shit.
It comes to the terror plot, which is to crash a plane full of nuclear weapons into a Six Flags. Billy seems unflappable in his hate of America, despite Albert trying to convince him otherwise. As loyal as he is, though, he goes along with Billy and the terrorists. The plan is set in motion and is going off without a hitch until Billy learns that Duran Duran is playing at that very Six Flags that day. His allegiance to his all-time favorite band allows him to come to his senses and he saves the Six Flags at the zero hour. The FBI congratulates him when he and his best friend get off the plane, as do Duran Duran. He gets to sing a song on stage with them and impresses them so much that they offer him a spot in the band. They tell him Albert can't come with, and Billy Joel stays loyal to his best friend, who stayed loyal to him. They go back home and continue working at Burger King. Billy is promoted to assistant manager due to stopping the terrorists. They live happily ever after.
Pitch me a movie
139Okay,
A remake of Heathers or the Craft with Shellac playing the main characters. With this in mind we could go crazy and remake Ghostbusters.
A remake of Heathers or the Craft with Shellac playing the main characters. With this in mind we could go crazy and remake Ghostbusters.
Tom wrote: I remember going in the back and seeing him headbanging to Big Black. He looked like he was raping the air- really. He had this look on his face like, "yeah air... you know you want it.".