whoisalhedges wrote:Nah, you gotta figure out a way to work it into the band... picture it:A fist-pumping, anthemic, major chord song. Four on the floor, sing-along chorus, the whole nine. After the bridge and twice through the last chorus, everything cuts out except guitar and bass. A circling bass line, contrapunctual to a lone guitar playing a minor scale. Some smooth fuzz, like a ram's head Muff, maybe some light phasing or Uni-Vibe... and the slow gear. Half-notes, quarters, the occasional whole note - but a languid, lyrical, plaintive solo takes shape. After a few bars, the Slow Gear drops out - replaced by heavier phasing (or maybe disengaging the phaser altogether and kicking on a wah), overdriven-amp compression, and BOOM the fuckin' drums coming back in. The band carries you now, as you carried them with the Slow Gear. The crowd goes wild, and you get a blowjob.Now THAT is how you use a god damned effect pedal.

From the Hating on Line 6 thread:twelvepoint wrote:If you're scrolling through the presets on your POD and you come across BLIZZARD, you have to play the Crazy Train riff before you move on.

big\_dave wrote: wrote:Kid wound up in hospital after spending all night standing waist-deep in raw sewage, punching himself in the face to induce an optical migraine. It's a new legal high. They callin' it Pepsi Glitter

Major wrote:numberthirty wrote:Huh.phpBB [media]Finger-picked guitar: one of the most beautiful forms of music IN. THE. WORLD.But to play it...All the practice. Cracked fingernails.And who wants to touch those dirty guitar stings? GROSS!Well welcome to the FUTURE of CLASSICAL guitar playing!Hi, I'm Hamrold Jamir, inventor of The Hammer Jammer. I used to love to play the finger-picked guitar, but my fingers? Eh NOT SO MUCH. Then one day, roughly 4 months before Cheryl kicked me out and took my children away from me, I had an idea. Make a little shitty plastic thing that touches the strings FOR YOU.Let's see it in action!Gnarly, dude!You go, girl!Jeff Daniels!How much would you expect to pay for such a bitchin' device? $100? $200? Well, for a limited time only, you can own the Hammer Jammer for WHATEVER YOU WANT. Seriously! Just name your price. I have cases of these things. You see, I really wanted to buy Hamrold, Jr. a PS4 for Christmas; I know that will get him back on my side. Money is tight this time of year. I had to cash out my 401k to make these stupid fucking things. And my daughter, Cherold (it's a combination of Cheryl and Hamrold), oh boy. She is growing up so fast. Seems like just yesterday she was dancing in her elementary school's performance of Porgy & Bess. Last time I saw her she was dressed up like harlot, wearing make up, a short skirt and boots like a common streetwalker. Yeah, you're a great influence there, Cheryl. You've gone a raised a WHORE and it's YOUR FAULT.

MatthewK wrote:Major wrote:numberthirty wrote:Huh.phpBB [media]Finger-picked guitar: one of the most beautiful forms of music IN. THE. WORLD.But to play it...All the practice. Cracked fingernails.And who wants to touch those dirty guitar stings? GROSS!Well welcome to the FUTURE of CLASSICAL guitar playing!Hi, I'm Hamrold Jamir, inventor of The Hammer Jammer. I used to love to play the finger-picked guitar, but my fingers? Eh NOT SO MUCH. Then one day, roughly 4 months before Cheryl kicked me out and took my children away from me, I had an idea. Make a little shitty plastic thing that touches the strings FOR YOU.Let's see it in action!Gnarly, dude!You go, girl!Jeff Daniels!How much would you expect to pay for such a bitchin' device? $100? $200? Well, for a limited time only, you can own the Hammer Jammer for WHATEVER YOU WANT. Seriously! Just name your price. I have cases of these things. You see, I really wanted to buy Hamrold, Jr. a PS4 for Christmas; I know that will get him back on my side. Money is tight this time of year. I had to cash out my 401k to make these stupid fucking things. And my daughter, Cherold (it's a combination of Cheryl and Hamrold), oh boy. She is growing up so fast. Seems like just yesterday she was dancing in her elementary school's performance of Porgy & Bess. Last time I saw her she was dressed up like harlot, wearing make up, a short skirt and boots like a common streetwalker. Yeah, you're a great influence there, Cheryl. You've gone a raised a WHORE and it's YOUR FAULT.Good post.

I also liked the observation that it resembled a Werther's Original.

I nominate tbone from the Trump thread tbone wrote:The author of that article above sounds like the kind of person that repeatedly opens bogus emails and infects the entire company with viruses.

Yes, I was going to comment that that's the voice of experience talking.

Yeah, I'm glad that my years of work unfucking a fucked network after that happens is finally being recognized somewhere.

FM Big John on vans:Big John wrote:I would also like to advance what I like to call D. Boon's Van Therm- Value of Life + Value of Equipment squared to the millage Distance (in KM) to be toured = Van PriceCheap vans always need repairs (most times in the middle of a tour on short notice in the middle of buttfuck aka more than 100 miles from where you live) sometimes more than the original price and it is always shit you can't see at the time of sale. You know the guy drove around 50 boxes of floor tiles and a the bearing have 1,000 km left in them. So getting a better (more expensive) van is a better deal. There is little worse than having the front end drop out of the vehicle at high speed (I speak from experience). For the safety of your life do not cheap out on price of your van especially in as much as you want to spend less on a motor vehicle than any of the electrical guitars you will be transporting. Get someone who knows something about vehicles to inspect the van like a car repair guy you trust, they can detect things like drive trains held together by bent nails and mufflers held in place with a belt or hanger or the ever present rust rot under the drivers seat (nothing like putting the pedal through the metal though it does help to have a drop hatch in case of being pulled over).If you go for Big and Tall model remember you will have to know the bridge limits where you drive. The damage to the van can be bad but you are responsible to the damage of the bridge structure which kind of starts in the seven figure range but recouping that is just a couple big gigs away but it is something to think about.Now the longer in length the harder it is to squeeze that big ole motherfucker into the small artisonal micro car and bicycle spaces available in our cities today.Your van may require some modification but there is nothing like a nice home cooked, on the van motor, food on the road. Road kill cooking can turn the tour frown upside down and keep touring costs down and turn a money losing tour a profit.Skinned Road Kill can also be recycled into wonderful and colorful stage outfits!And leathers too