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This joke, it's a weak joke and seems to be structured by an underlining logic that is rather puritanical or perhaps Catholic, but here it is:

So, a fellow dies and finds himself in Hell feeling pretty dismal about the terrible things he's about to endure for eternity. Seeing the consternation on the fellow's face, a longtime resident of Hell walks up and welcomes the man to Hell.

"Hey man, do you like to drink?"

"Why yes, I love to drink," replies the newbie.

"Well, here in Hell, Mondays are alcohol-day. You can drink as much of any and every kind of liquor known to man all day. We all just get fucking blasted together."

"Huh, that sounds pretty good," says the man, feeling a little better.

"And do you like drugs?" inquires the Hellian.

"Sure, yeah, drugs are great."

"Well, then Wednesdays are for you! Smack, blow, hash, meth, you-name-it it's all for the taking! Every Wednesday we get fucked up on whatever we want, it's ecstatic mayhem, you've never seen anything like it."

"Geez, this place sounds better and better," says our protagonist.

"And how about gambling, do you like to gamble?"

"Hell yes, gambling is one my great passions," says the new guy.

"Well Friday is Casino-night: nonstop Blackjack, Texas Hold'em, it's all going on, everyone gambles here!!"

"Hot damn, this is so great," enthuses the guy.

"And what about gay sex, are you into that?" asks the Hellian.

"Uh, no, no I'm not," admits the new guy.

"Oh, damn," says his interlocuter, "you're really going to hate Saturdays."

diego wrote:A blonde girl turns up one day to a public library and asks to the lady working behind the desk:
"Hello, I would like to order a cheeseburger, with large fries and a coke please."

The other lady:
"Euh....... your are in a library, madam"

The blonde lady (whispering):
"Sorry, I would like to order a cheeseburger, with large fries and a coke please."

teeheehee.

ok i dont remember if this one was already on here or not but...

this guy walks into a bar and sits down and says to the guy next time him "i'll bet you fifty bucks i can take any girl you point out in this bar and bring her home for a fucking tonight"

the guy says "bullshit, how you are gonna pull that off?"

and he says "i'm a rapist"

Did you hear about the police arresting a pack of batteries and a box of fireworks?






They charged the batteries but let the fireworks off.



Oh dear.

AAAAAAAARGH wrote:this guy walks into a bar and sits down and says to the guy next time him "i'll bet you fifty bucks i can take any girl you point out in this bar and bring her home for a fucking tonight"

the guy says "bullshit, how you are gonna pull that off?"

and he says "i'm a rapist"

aaaaaaaargh, that's not really a funny joke. it's more like a story about someone telling a joke. if we actually were the people in the story, i'd laugh. but how do i know this guy isn't a rapist? he's just a character. that's a hard one to pull off on paper/screen.

(sorry if i spelled your name wrong.

Why are pirates called pirates?
























Because they aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Champion Rabbit wrote:Why are pirates called pirates?
























Because they aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr.

You my friend are a very funny person.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

A priest, a scout leader and a lawyer take some boys on an adventure trip. On the flight over, their plane gets into trouble and is about to crash.

"We have a problem," says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes."

The scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.

"Screw the boys!" shouts the lawyer.

"Is there time?" asks the priest.


----------------

A young priest is taking his first confession.

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned," says a girl. "I have had oral sex with an encyclopedia salesman."

The priest doesn't know what to do. He leans out of the confession box and whispers over to the choir who are in church for a practice: "Pssst! Lads! What does Father Doherty give for a blow job?"

Little Liam pipes up: "A Mars Bar and a packet of crisps."

from the same broadsheet article:

Q. What do you give the paedophile who has everything?
A: A bigger parish.