emmanuelle cunt wrote:

c'mon folks!

OK HERE GOES

When I was in seventh grade, I fucked up my wrist, so my arm was put into a sling and I only had one arm to use to everything. Early into the school day, I go to the bathroom to take a piss, and with one hand fumble around and eventually get my fly undone so I can piss. When I'm done, I look down and realize that for some god forsaken reason I forgot to move my shirt, which was extra long, away from my dick as I pissed. Not a drop of piss made it into the urinal. It all soaked directly into the bottom of my shirt, and what's worse is my shirt is white, so I have a huge wet yellow stain the size of a basketball at the bottom of my shirt. It looked like I whizzed out my bellow button. I have no fucking idea what I was thinking. Oddly enough though, fear and paranoia did NOT immediately run screaming through my body. I just thought, "ahh fuck it" and just carried my bookbag in front of the stain, and during class I kept the bag on my lap pretending I needed it to elevate my arm. Miraculously I did not reek of piss the rest of the day. The stain went away before I caught the bus home.

ONE MORE STORY FOR YOU...

On Monday night, I was at the empty bottle here in chicago where I am learning how to do live sound engineering. The show went along just fine and when Blood and Time was done playing, I cleared off the stage of all the mics, cables, and stands. These guys all play sitting down, so I had to clear three chairs off as well. I take one chair in each hand and then think it would be smart to just hop off the stage forgetting that the inertia from the chairs would add another twenty five or so pounds to my body. So naturally when I hit the ground I go into a rather unsightly tumble. Considering I am 6 foot 4 and lanky as hell, I looked like a complete asshole falling over. Add to that, two big metal chairs falling over onto the wood floor making a loud racket. Add to that, two or three of the dudes from Neurosis(I think?) were standing right next to the spot where I landed, so I was doubly embarrassed. One of them kindly said, "You alright bro??" to which I, as cooly as possible, responded, "I'm ok, just reaaaallllyyy embarrassed!" It made them laugh a little at least and forget that I was a total retard flopping about on the floor with two metal chairs.

LETS HEAR MORE STORIES!!!
matt

I nearly got crushed by an upright bass.

That was embarrassing.

burun wrote:I nearly got crushed by an upright bass.

That was embarrassing.

you must be tiny.

or it must've been falling from high up or something.

Indeed, I am peanut sized.

I've got an okay one:

I don't remember the set-up, but for about a month straight in early highschool all the rage in my circle of friends was trying to light farts on fire. This can only end good, eh? I was over my girlfriend's house and I had to take a massive dump. I could tell this was going to be nasty-gassy, and thought why not try to light a large pocket full of gas rather than a short burst?

It hit me fast so I ran into the bathroom on the first floor. I strategically placed my weight on the toilet seat so as to let no gas out from under me. I then reached into my pocket and pulled out my lighter. In one swift move I broke the seal, protected my junk, and shoved down my arm while flicking the lighter.

Well, I was swift, but very clumsy, because I ended up dropping the lighter into the toilet. So now I have to wipe my ass and try to fish out my lighter with this disgusting looking spread in the bowl. End up reaching in super fast and throwing it in the sink. Alot of me washing my hands and the lighter. I know the lady is wondering what's taking so long, and I'm too embarrassed to explain the story so I'm trying to hurry. Plus I think we were going to go to dinner with her parents whom I hadn't quite won over yet.

I quickly check myself over in the mirror, and head back to the living room. All seems fine until I hear her dad from the hallway say, "What the hell? Who the hell left this?!?"

In all the commotion I fucking forgot to flush. Time nearly freezes as I look to my girlfriend helplessly as if to ask her to please, please take the wrap. This will all go away if she just takes the wrap. "Jorgan did!" she yells out, laughing. I still see that look of disgust in his eyes everytime I see him.

davesec wrote:several years ago i kept hanging out with this girl but she refused to go out with me so i kind of gave it up. and then like a week later she called me out of the blue and asked me to go see a movie at the theatre where she worked.

and i was so excited and couldn't wait and finally the day came and i went and she was working at the ticket counter and gave me a ticket to this movie and then i waited for her in the lobby.

so she shows up and we're kind of talking and she's telling me about how this movie has gotten good reviews etc etc and all these people are coming into the lobby and piling into the theatre

and we're talking and i'm thinking about how the theatre is going to be full soon and how we should really get inside and stop talking out here in the lobby

and then she sort of tilted her head towards the big double doors leading into the theatres and was like "you had better get in there before it's full - i'm sure there are still some seats in the front"

so i WENT IN, ALONE, and there was like one seat in the front and i was feel so confused and i wasn't sure what had just happened and whether she just thought i should watch this movie for my own good or whether she was playing a mean trick on me or something, and meanwhile this terrible godawful foreign film strikes up and it's all about these two teenage boys 'finding themselves' and all sorts of nonsense and i was in the very front row for like 3 hours not sure if she would even be there when i came out of the theatre. it was super embarrassing even though nobody else could have known what was going on. i was so confused and it was really awkward.

Do you remember if this movie was Y Tu Mama Tambien?
I could be wrong, but I'm going to assume that this chick was trying to be a bitch.

I had just started working at a record store where I live. There was this really cool girl working there, and she wanted me to go with her to see this band at a bar about a half an hour away from where we lived.
So we end up meeting up with another girl who worked at the same record store (she was an assistant manager) and her boyfriend.
Anyway, I had ingested a decent bit of alcohol and was commenting pretty openly throughout our conversations, even though I didn't know anyone I was with too well.

Somehow, we'd started talking about young women getting pregnant. I remarked that most people who get pregnant around our age (late teens, early 20s) probably shouldn't be having kids because they tend to be fucked up people.
It turns out the assistant manager was pregnant, and I had just insulted her really badly. I apologized profusely and felt pretty fucking stupid about it for a long time.
Luckily, she's quite nice and didn't hold it against me.
I tend to have a big mouth, especially when I'm drunk.

This obviously isn't nearly as embarrassing as most of the other entries.

burun wrote:Indeed, I am peanut sized.

i'm 5'4. my mom and sis are in the 4'10 area.

how small are you?

9 times out of 10 when I wake up in someone else's bed I end up being extremely embarassed.

Tonight, for example.

Me and two of my brothers(we're four) went to a trip in north of Israel.

I had to pee, so I told them to pull over the car. We pulled over in a turn, so actually the cars could see me. I wasn't thinking of that, since I really had to pee.

While Im peeing, a bus is driving over, full of 50 golden-years people, the bus driver turned his hunk on, and that wasn't a regular beep. it was a "parade"'s hunk.

ofcourse, everybody in the bus saw what im doing..