Angus Jung wrote:Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:I never dreamed it would take a foreigner
To go all "Rime of the Ancient Mariner."
Hell, "Rime" was covered by Iron Maiden
Yo, that's what the singer called your mom when she laid him
And once he'd had all of Mrs. Ralph's fun,
Bruce went ahead and put his Dick-in-son.
Too late to run to the hills,
Bruce gonna nut in all the Ralph grillz.
Not bad, Angus, not bad at all,
But like my man Icarus, you’re bound to fall
When you fly too close to Mrs. Ralph’s son
I’ll melt your wack wax in more ways than one.
It’s funny you mention Maiden to me—
My semen is made in your mom’s mouth, you see.
A toilet’s where I found the number of this beast;
The message read: “I need some cum for my feast!
Be quick or be dead, dude, ‘cause I need it now—
Need your slop for my hog, your mud for my sow.”
Well, I was no prowler, but what I could I do?
This was a howler I must look into.
Had to run to the hills to find her shabby shack
Where eagles won’t dare, where wolves won’t attack.
To tame a land like that one must contend
With the rank pussy stench running free in the wind.
But I was a trooper, I close-pinned my nose
And knuckled down: I had high hopes for my hose.
At two minutes to midnight, I knocked on her door;
By the witching hour, I was ass-deep in that whore.
Straight up, she asked me, “Can I play with Madness?”
That’s what she called His Royal Gonad-ness.
After a while—those Ben Wa balls were killers—
She said, “Put your pickle in my Phyllis Diller!”
So I latexed up my machete engorged
And began murdering her funky Rue Morgue.
Then I found sanctuary deep in her caboose;
My dick was a drifter though—that shit was loose!
She said, “Show me some wrath, child! Hurry! Come on!
You’re gonna die if you leave that 'boot' on.”
So I slipped off the Magnum on which I’d insisted
And climbed back up on her. Again we persisted.
With a staggering stalk, Brett Eugene controlled her
And we made some small talk as I cold corn-holed her.
She revealed something quite out of this world:
Angus Jung—it turns out—he is a girl!
“Well, bring your daughter to the slaughter next time,” I said.
“There’s more where this cum’s from or my name’s not Ed!”
(At some point she’d started calling me ‘Eddie’
When the ‘ed of my dick was deep in her black betty.)
Angus, I’ll give one more piece of my mind—
Next time I’ll be taking you both from behind.
You’ll be my powerslaves all night long.
We’ll play ‘Quest for Fire’ like my ho’ Rae Dawn Chong.
Yes, I’ll be the phantom of this operation
‘Cause I’m the one who performed Miss Jung’s castration.
She’d been born a boy, but she wasn’t for long;
It was only fair that I dinged off her dong.
A peter so small had to be disconnected,
And poor little Angus, s/he was dejected.
But not Mrs. Angus, she picked up that dicklet
And popped it right into her mouth like a Chiclet.
She chewed it and burst lil’ Angus’s bubble,
And since then they both have been nothing but trouble.
* * *
See, I closed with a couplet—just like a sonnet.
If you think you’re wo-man enough, get back up on it!