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A man comes home to find his wife having sex with a horse that is fellating a giraffe that is giving two monkeys a hand (and foot) job. The monkeys are watching a Zebra crack off over a dolphin.
"Is this some kind of fucking joke?"



Ooooh. That's BAD.

I recently returned from a visit to South Africa. I played cards with some of the natives while I was there.

Zulus?

No, I won.

a farmer spends his days working on his farm, with a break in the middle of the day when eats sandwiches he's wife makes for him. he is used to leave the bag with sandwiches in the shade of trees, go to work and then eath them. one day, during a break he notices the bag with sanwchiches is not there. he's puzzled but he returns to work. same thing happens on the second day, so he decides that tommorow he will hide and wait to see what 's happening to his sandwiches. so he is waiting and he sees a giant eagle flying and grabbing the bag with sandwiches. the farmers is running behind the eagle, he sees as the eagle lands on a tree, tears the bag apart and starts to tear the sandwiches apart - piecees of tomatos, cheese, onion are all over the place. finnaly eagle puts his claws in to the butter, than he smears the butter all over his chest and says "god, i'm a such a fucking weirdo"





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a guy walks through a fields and sees a tree with one apple on it. he wants to eat it but as he aproaches the tree there's a loud thunder, the earth shakes and within seconds there's a big hole in the ground between him and the tree. he sees a giant ass crawling out of this hole, walking towards the tree, taking the apple and walking back to the hole. then the earth moves back, there is no sign anything has happend - he stands in front of a tree with his jaw dropped and says "what the fuck was that?". again there's a great thunder, earth moves and giant ass crawls out of the whole, walks up to him and says "cortland".

and was this posted here (im in the middle of this thread)

what is better than sex with a 4 year old?




































noooothing.

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
Turned out it was a bloody hoax.

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
punched someone in the face

rysie wrote:Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
Turned out it was a bloody hoax.

Don't get it. British thing, or am I dense?


Hey, why are 2005 pennies worth more than 1999 pennies?







Because there's 6 more of them.

Linus Van Pelt wrote:

rysie wrote:Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.
Turned out it was a bloody hoax.

Don't get it. British thing, or am I dense?

Sorry. Over here the fire brigade have to deal with probably more hoax calls than real ones.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
shitting herself

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?





















Christopher Walken.

Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?





She's a woman.

What do you tell a woman with no arms and no legs?

Nice tits.