Premier Rock Forum

Pasta wrote: Attending my first open meeting with a certain FM Monday.Just wanted to chime in to make sure that everybody understands that you can also attend closed meetings. Open meetings welcome everyone (including curious visitors), while closed meetings are intended for those who want to stop drinking.

the finger genius wrote:Hey guys, hope everyone who wants to be is holding it together today.I didn't realize what today was until I got home. Should have gotten a Lime LaCroix.

Hey guys, hope everyone who wants to be is holding it together today.

^Hear ya.All offers still stand. Totally suitable place for this.AND since you bumped it....10 weeks sober, started with a new shrink today. Start a new gig tomorrow morning.

I have gone through a considerable amount of time wondering where I should place my recent dalliance with relapsing. I've thought about the "Abstaining From Alcohol" thread in C/NC, the heroin thread, but they didn't feel right. At the start I should state that AA/12-Step don't work for me. It just doesn't. I don't consider myself different from anyone who suffers from this disorder/condition, but I know myself, and I know that the tools used in AA are tools that I find to be ineffective. While in the CMA program (Crystal Meth Anonymous) I began to explore other options, the most fitting being SMART Recovery. I have also never been to therapy a day in my life, more on that later. A little background:In late January of 2018 I went into a 28-day program, and then a 3-month in-patient treatment program for an addiction to crystal meth. In June of 2018 I was put back into the world. I was an excellent client who was respectful to staff, other clients, and to some extent the Program. I attended meetings for about a month after I got out of treatment, but then stopped going. I've kept in touch with close friends that I've made, including my sponsor, dropped all of the 12-step ephemera, and set myself on navigating a new world. Recently I relapsed, and relapsed sorta hard. Not hard in the way where I was slamming balls into my vein, but the timing could not have been worse and I find myself starting over from scratch with everything. I have so many dear friends from EA who supported and loved on me hard during rehab, and though I know you are still in my corner, I can't help but to think I'm starting over in some abstract way with you as well. I *know* I am bigger than this addiction to meth. I am fully aware that it is all wrapped and ensconced within my sexuality (for the record I don't need to be high to get down to business, but it would be a blatant lie if I ever said that I never think about slamming if I'm going to have sex. I think about it ALL THE TIME AND I THINK ABOUT SEX A LOT OF THE TIME) so for me, unfortunately, sex and slamming go hand-in-hand. Sex is natural, injecting chemicals into your body to release a seemingly endless supply of dopamine isn't. The reason why I bring up this dynamic is because it differs, I believe, from what alcoholics or opiate abusers go through. There was/is no detox for Crystal Meth, at least at the facility I first went into. I'm not blaming this relapse on the facility or the program, mind you. I'm a big boi and am responsible for my own mistakes and actions, but I am confused and angry about not...learning anything, I guess, except for in classes in the School of Hard Knocks. Which brings me to therapy. I know this would help immensely, but on the day that I was going into my first session I was still high and I just couldn't. At least I had the strength of mind to talk to my therapist, let him know what was going on, and to reschedule. And that leaves me typing on a keyboard to a bunch of people of who don't believe that In A Priest Driven Ambulance (With Silver Sunshine Stares) is a better record than Spiderland - and you don't need to fite me on that because I will beat your monkey ass.So, yeah, I relapsed, I'm starting over in every way a person who relapses has to start over. That said, I have a job interview at a corporation tomorrow, and another interview at a not-for-profit on Tuesday. So fucking glad this relapse didn't fuck-up those opportunities for me. I know a lot of addicts who aren't nearly as lucky as I am.Please excuse me if this wasn't the best place to post this, and please forgive me if I come across as dismissive as this is totally not my intent. Thanks for your attention.

Pasts wrote:10 weeks sober, started with a new shrink today. Start a new gig tomorrow morning.Do the damn thing, son!

RSMurphy wrote:And that leaves me typing on a keyboard to a bunch of people of who don't believe that In A Priest Driven Ambulance (With Silver Sunshine Stares) is a better record than SpiderlandHey. I disagree with those people. Lips>Slint. Call me.

Hey RSMurphy;I encourage you to do what you think is best, even if that involves beating my monkey ass. Talking helps.

I'll hit 6 months of no booze or cigarettes on Wednesday, 5/15. After a terrible 2-3 months of depression, I'm starting to re-engage with the outside world. I've had a couple of days where I was all, I can have just one, but I knew it would lead right back to habitual, heavy drinking. Those tempting thoughts are becoming less and less frequent, which is great.

Pasta wrote:3 monthsthank you all for your support and encouragementHell yea.