I woke up in a sandwich with two of my mates wives.

rysie wrote:I woke up in a sandwich with two of my mates wives.

Wow, that's fucked up.

Are you sure it wasn't one of your mates and one of your mate's wives?

My two wives mated with a sandwich and I woke up between Peripatetic and Rysie.

MajorEverettMiller wrote:My two wives mated with a sandwich and I woke up between Peripatetic and Rysie.

I thought we all three agreed never to mention that again, unless it was just "between" the three of us and one of us was "hungry for a sandwich".

I told my high school friend that I thought his mom was hot and that I'd totally fuck her. This was my first drunk ever... I was 15 and drinking tequila. HOO boy!

i used to throw a lot of parties in champaign-urbana. bands in the basement, fights in the street, that sort of thing. at one of the better blowouts, we ran out of keg beer. nevermind that there was at least a small liquor store's worth of alcohol in the house -- we needed more shitty keg beer. a couple other fellows & i left my house, wandered down the street, found a keg on somebody else's porch, took it back to my house. found out that this keg belonged to the members of the university rugby team.

more mayhem, more drinking. at some point i take a shot of scotch & need to rinse my mouth out, cleanse my palate. i grab a dixie cup of water & down it. it's not water -- it's a fucking cup full of vodka. rather than purge it, i keep it down & calmly tell the most beautiful girl in the world that i'm tired & tired of partying -- she can throw everybody out while i sleep. nice dick move there...

i wake up at 2 in the afternoon. there's vomit all over the bedroom. the most beautiful girl in the world is asleep on the living room couch. i wake her up and ask her "whose puke is that?" the inevitable answer: "yours, you dumb shit."

other than the time i almost died & she saved my life, that's about as bad as i've ever been.

In Ohio, it's near impossible to get Everclear without a lengthy drive. I was at a neighbor's party where the host had procured a bottle of Everclear. I had had enough Bud Light that the overweight broad with the dreadlocks (who had been following me around all night) was starting to look pretty good. At my sleaziest, in order to expedite the mating process past the "hard to get" stage (she was following me around all night but also continually demuring), I hand her a bottle of Everclear and say "Drink this" (at which point the gracious host gives me the startled "what the fuck are you doing?" look), at which point she proceeds to knock back half the fucking bottle like she was drinking a goddamned glass of kool-aid and wipes her mouth off with her sleeve, unphased.

It was at this point that Charlie said "Okay... well... uh... I, uh... I- I'm just going to go."

This and several more embarassing stories regarding St. Patricks Day 2003 where I hit on a number of ladies probably only two or three years younger than my mother, a former co-worker, and the girlfriend of the aforementioned neighbor, and was informed by my roomamate that I had missed out on mediocre sex with my old bass player's girlfriend because I was passed out.

Can you tell me what Everclear is?

grain alcohol

Staying in a rather nice (and expensive) hotel in a hill-walking region of the north of England when I was around 25, I awoke (having consumed rather too many post-hike Old Peculiars in the local pub) to find myself naked, upright and urinating.

'No problem' I thought as the fog of tiredness and booze parted as much as one might expect for only a couple of hours sleep. Then the full fucking horror of the situation hits me like a sack of shrieking fucking kittens: I have somehow left my room, walked (naked) to God-knows-what part of this (large) hotel and am now not only lost and cloth-less, but also still shit-faced.

I have also just urinated on the carpet.

During the subsequent and (retrospectively comedic) search for my room I encounter several couples returning from their evenings-out. I choose to 'bluff' my way through the situation by acting as if my behaviour is absolutely de rigeur.

When at last I find my (locked) room, my girlfriend of the time is drunk enough to not awake until my knocking at the door has brought out several neighbours.

The memory of this evening fills me with absolute horror to this day.