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Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Having never appeared on the cover of GQ or strut upon a runway, I am usually reluctant to call another person "ugly".

But I have no problem saying that Tom Petty is an ugly man. Dear God, is that man ugly. As physically unattractive as the other Wilburys might be, Tom Petty completely transcends their pedestrian or comic unattractiveness. He reaches a level of unholy ugliness that must be the result of Mother Nature's cruel and purposeful manipulation of the zygote.

He looks to be fresh from the grave, but newly dentured. He is "avert-your-eyes-children!" ugly, assuming that there is a child in all of us. He is a desperately malnourished human coyote.

Here's the thing, though -- it's not a fascinating or freakish ugly. It's just swamp ugly, but a whole lot of it.

Tom Petty, the joke's on you if you believe in a good and righteous God, you ugly man.

And you're ugly, too, Billy Corgan. Holy mother of God, Billy Corgan, you are one ugly human being.



incredible.
kerble is right.

EA Hall of Fame

22
Major's response to Weasel Walter's self-cocksuckery in the Flying Luttenbacher's c/nc.


MajorEverettMiller wrote:
weasel walter wrote:stumbling upon this survey was very informative to me. feedback is crucial, whether positive or negative. i don't get much valid criticism EVER, so i eagerly read this thread. perhaps i've used a bit too much hyperbole in promoting myself through the years! ha ha ha.

i'll be blunt and frank, because i'm that kind of guy ... a lot of my '90s "attitude" (that certain people seem to have a problem with) was borne wholly of youthful hubris and a strong sense of romanticism. you see, like many, i had this post-adolescent dream that i was going to change things. during my 20s, everything was completely polarized and i firmly believed in notions of absolute right and wrong. although this sort of attitude is not uncommon in youth, apparently i'm guilty of unprecedented, heinous social crimes! i suppose that i'm guilty as accused and so fucking what? little did i realize at the time that most people, try as they might, can't even change their underwear, let alone the world. my perspective is different now - it has evolved - and like most people i can't be held too firmly to some shit i did or said 10 years ago when i was a goddamn kid. i am NOT apologizing for any past behavior - no fuckin' way. what bridges are burnt may remain forever burnt. c'est la vie.

regardless, i think that i understand why somebody like steve albini is utterly repulsed by everything i have something to do with. i certainly spent a lot energy during the mid-90s fucking with the status quo of the chicago underground rock scene that he and many of his friends were part of. steve albini and i have never met in person, so all he's got to go by is my reputation and my recorded output and apparently neither suffices for him.

i also spent a lot of energy during the '90s trying to almost solipsistically continue to motivate myself in the face of near complete apathy. as a matter of defense at times i resorted to being a sadistic, egocentric creep. SO WHAT! steve albini is not terribly inaccurate in calling me on any of this. i dissed tortoise and the post-rockers in print left and right. i egged on the evil lord jeff day to repeatedly prank call louise from veruca salt. i gave adris hoyos steve's number to prank call him in 1997. i called major bullshit on the oxes/arab on radar scam. blah blah blah. i don't retract any of it. at the time, it all seemed like good clean fun for me and bad news for everyone else. politically, clearly steve has got plenty of extra-musical reasons to think i'm a piece of flaming doo-doo. heck, he might even just think my music just plain sounds like shit. 'nuff said. this doesn't keep me awake at night. clearly at this point i'm not going to be terribly swayed by any one person's opinion.

i suppose that what i ultimately accomplished with all of this sordid shit was to slowly forge my own aesthetic and musical personality through taking chances and making mistakes - and taking no prisoners. i took and still take risks. some people will like it, some won't and they are all entitled to take it or leave what i do. that's each individual's prerogative and i respect that.

as a sidenote, crucifying me for youthful indiscretion almost seems incredibly hypocritical coming from somebody like alibini, cf. the wide documentation of his outspoken and often reactionary beliefs dating back to forced exposure magazine in the '80s. alas, it is what it is. i don't expect to ever enjoy a delightful dinner and nightcap with steven albini. i tend to think that the resulting loss is mutual. . .

hats off to those who enjoy my work, and nuts to those who don't. i seriously implore that those who have doubted my work in the past might take the chance to re-investigate it and witness the growth which has occurred. believe it or not folks, maturity can happen. my personal shift from wasting time criticizing others to spending more time working on the actual art has been crucial to me over the last 3 years . . .

weasel walter


Wow.

Did you have a few ribs removed or have you always been able to do that?
drew patrick wrote:Peripatetic will win.

EA Hall of Fame

23
brett eugene ralph wrote:When I was fifteen or sixteen, me and Bobby Whitaker were riding around in his fucking gorgeous red Chevelle, smoking weed and drinking beers. We ended up down at the boat docks (on the Ohio River), where people generally congregated to party on weekend nights. After prowling the parking lot for a while, Bobby spied this girl he was really into. He suggested that we get her and her friend to ride around with us for a while--the only problem was the girl's friend was big as a house. The hot girl was obviously not going to bail on her friend, so it was a package deal. He begged me to be cool and go along with it, and after hemming and hawing and making him kiss my ass for a while, I finally gave in.

So we rode around, smoking and drinking, and I proceeded to get totally blowed out. We ended up back at the boat docks, parked. Soon enough, Bobby and the girl were getting it on hot and heavy in the front seat. I tried to focus in on whatever was blaring out of the radio and ignore the fat chick sitting next to me, who kept trying to make conversation. When the moans and rustling in the front seat became unbearable, I figured, "What the fuck--I might get a hand job out of it," and started making out with the chick.

After a while, I had her shirt up and was slobbering all over one of her truly enormous breasts. The weird thing was, I couldn't locate the nipple. I licked all over that fucking thing before I realized that her nipple was still in her bra, which was pressed against my forehead. I'd been totally going to town, sucking on one of her fat rolls.
steve albini
Electrical Audio
sa at electrical dot com
Quicumque quattuor feles possidet insanus est.

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24
biznono wrote this in "Kinks vs the Who" thread and it is one of the finest thing ever posted on this message board

Biznono wrote:
3. I think The Kinks' music is more befitting to the contemplative nature of ageing.


I had never thought about the difference between the two bands in quite that way, but I think this probably explains why now, as an older man, I listen to the Kinks more than The Who. Thank you, run joe, run, for making this excellent point.

Brett Eugene Ralph, man of three respectable first names, it was I believe another man of three names, George Bernard Shaw, who once had to apologize to someone when he didn't have time to write a short letter and therefore had to write a long one. Let me too apologize for not having the time to be more concise.

Let me also say that I can accept your hatred of The Who. I have friends who hate them, and they usually point the finger at Daltrey. And admittedly, on paper the Who seems like crap. A pretentious art-school songwriter. A lead singer who never wrote the lyrics he sang. An obsession with rock opera, which, suggests that the band needed to adopt the forms of "high culture" to legitimize what they doing.

But in practice, and maybe in spite of themselves, they were an amazing band. They were and still are impossible to cover -- not a necessary or sufficient precondition for greatness but something which proved how essential each member was to the band. That’s even so for Roger Daltrey, whose "stupidity" neutralized Townshend's pretentiousness.

Their best songs walked the line between stability and chaos. See Live at Leeds or the show they played on the Isle of Wight in 1970, by both of which I do not believe a man from the beautiful state that has given us bourbon could fail to be moved.

They were ambitious, and succeeded as often as they disappointed. To take one example, they were one of the only bands whose use of synthesizers circa 1970 has at no point in the last three decades sounded dated.

No one in the band was a virtuoso in the conventional sense (maybe in Entwistle's case this changed over time), but they nevertheless fundamentally changed the way we think about guitar, bass, and drums. The best evidence for this is the segment on the DVD of the Kids are Alright that shows live performances with line feeds of just the bass, then just the drums, then just the guitar.

Madre del dolor! Life is too short for me to continue trying to list their virtues. Since a man's affection for a band is always as personal as well-reasoned, let me turn to anecdote and say that seeing The Who as a twelve year old boy changed my life. This was in 1982, on the first of their many farewell tours. Kenny Jones, a good drummer chosen for the wrong job, was on drums. Given that even their last record with Keith Moon was awful except for the title-track, their heyday was already a distant memory. They were also playing in the enormously impersonal Astrodome in Houston. Again, something that on paper should be terrible was not. But I always wondered how falsely I was impressed at the age of twelve. So, four years ago when I was in Manchester (England) for a long stretch of time and came across an ad for a Who show at the local enormo-dome, I thought, what the fuck. I should go get proof that you cannot trust your twelve-year-old self.

I don't know if the show in Manchester told me anything about what I remembered. What was partly amazing about it, in fact, were things I would not have picked up on in 1982. In front of me sat a young lesbian couple (or, I should not assume, maybe just two young women who very beautifully showed their affection for one another through various physical gestures); to one side of me sat a man, probably just under fifty, with his teenage son; behind me sat a typical seeming Mancunian family, on the other side of me sat two guys in their mid or late 30s. Maybe these are simply the multitudes who embraced a record like Who's Next. But the crowd around me struck me instead as very telling about The Who's special ability to appeal to social outsiders as well as apparently more traditional and typical sorts of people, to parents as well as their teenagers, who any parent present with kids at this show implicitly must have believed could learn something from the band about youth culture.

Of course the audience, she can only tell you so much. And none of what she tells would have mattered anyway if the band had not been so exciting to see. Daltrey's performance redefined the sixty-year-old rock singer. At one point, during an impromptu version of "Mary-Anne with the Shaky Hands" in what must have been the fourteenth encore, he fell back into the drum set and came back up on his feet laughing and without losing his place in the song. Townshend's guitar playing was remarkably technically proficient. I've heard that he practiced for five hours a day before the touring they did in the late 90s, maybe so his proficiency could be his alibi for the accusation that he was looking at child-porn around the clock. Entwistle, who at the time was not long for this world, looked like he had been exsanguinated before the show, which may be the only explanation for how he was able to fit into his tight, purple leather pants and stiletto sharkskin boots. But he played like the man who invented the bass guitar, for himself, and no one but himself, to play. If there is a God, if there is a Heaven, and if the soul of John Entwistle made it to meet the first and reside in the second -- ah, motherfucker, maybe the third proposition is too implausible in light of his solo record Too Late the Hero... If there is a Devil who controls our lives, John Entwistle, let's say, was already a dead man in the late 1990s. But the Devil, he allows The Ox to play this show in Manchester because Hell is Peavey-powered, the Devil knows once Entwistle is there all bass solos will be on T40 and TNT, the Devil, he wants to hear Entwistle play one last time on Earth rock stage, and the Devil, he tells Entwistle this is it for you, do something special for me and I do something special for you.

This is the bass playing i heard that night. The final sound of a nearly mythical creature. A footnote in the history of Western Civilization, to be sure -- just the Prometheus round-wound. But such a beautiful moment. Such an amazing last sound to be made by a man, dressed like a purple woman.

Any band who can play this well and this playfully, with the prosthetic limb that is Zak Starkey (surprisingly functional though it is), after so many years, and by no means on the level at which they played (from what i can tell from film footage) in their prime; any band who can play this well in so many respects at the bottom of their game is legendary for good reason. You will not be convinced Brett Eugene Ralph. So beautiful that we agree to disagree. But readers of this website, you should know that The Who helped to invent the rock that most of us play. Unlike the Beatles and the Stones, the Who actually do belong in that rare category of bands who were admired by critics and ordinary people and who also happened to have the capacity to be genuinely and singularly great.

Requiescat in pace Thunderfingers!

EA Hall of Fame

26
run joe, run wrote:Cheap Trick: A Story

by run joe, run

One day me and my friends went to ATP it was the Shellac curated one we saw lots of good bands like Dead Moon and Plush and also Shellac. We had a very good time and also The Breeders played and lots of good bands. At the end of the three days we were very tired. The last bands to play were Cheap Trick and The Fall we tried to choose between them. Me and my friends had never listened to Cheap Trick only heard one or two songs and knew the silly man with the guitar and knew they had a very famous live album done in Japan. Some of my friends chose The Fall but me and some others chose Cheap Trick it was a real gamble but that is the one we chose.

The nice man from Shellac his name is Steve Albini he came onto the stage and told the audience he was not in Cheap Trick but he was proud to call them friends and his name was Steve. Then the band called Cheap Trick came on the stage and started playing songs and I liked the sound of it and went near the front to see the band better. I was close to the silly guitarist man and the singer and they played songs which I didn't know but when I heard them play the songs I thought that I knew them all already and that they sounded like classic famous songs that I loved straight away. Each song after the next seemed better and better and all with great choruses and then I started thinking the guitarist man is not really silly he just pretends to be silly like a funny clown but he is not silly when he plays the music on his guitar.

Then I realised that the man who was singing he was very good and his voice was a very good voice and he did not speak to the audience not even once because he was concentrating on the singing he was doing so much. I looked around me and saw that some people maybe thought the band was a silly rock band and were funny but they were enjoying it as well and some of the people liked it a lot. I stayed at the front and I realised that the band Cheap Trick were not silly and I started to feel strange like it was special. The guitarist man said the singer was his favourite singer in the world and the singer's name was Robin Zander and I looked at him and he was very sweaty and not saying a word to the audience still but singing as if they had told him he was going to die very soon and this might be his last ever time to sing.

I looked at the other men in the band and they were called Bun E. Carlos on the drums and Tom Petersen on the bass and the funny guitarist was called Rick Neilsen and he threw plectrums into the audience and I got some of them and when I watched the other men in the band playing the songs I thought maybe they had been told that this might also be their last concert so better make it a special one. But I was more looking at Robin Zander the man who was singing because I could tell he used to be a famous rock star on people's posters on their bedroom walls and now he was much older and maybe he once wanted to give up singing because he was older but instead decided to concentrate on the singing and get better and better at it as he got older. He was very sweaty and it didn't put him off and he was very exciting to watch and he didn't move around.

As I heard more and more songs in the concert I thought about how the band Cheap Trick had played big stadiums and had girls screaming at them and been very famous and probably had lots of drugs and other things like that but now they were here playing to some people who didn't know them or really care about them like I didn't know them and some of the people watching probably wanted to see The Fall instead. But they did not get sad and instead they played like they did not want to be anywhere else or be doing anything else in the whole world. The more I watched and listened the more I thought that maybe they were much better than a lot of bands I had seen before who were even much younger than them. I became lost in the power of the band and I think that maybe someone like a doctor or a powerful ghost told them that if they do not play the best concert they can possibly play they will not live anymore and the band Cheap Trick played the show at ATP as if it was for their lives.

Cheap Trick played for their lives and because they want to live and want to play rock music more than most other bands I had ever seen in my life. As I watched them I understood what true rock music was and it was maybe the best band playing a concert I have ever seen.

I have never seen a band give so much and I was in a daze afterwards and thankyou to the nice man Steve Albini and Shellac for asking them to play at the festival where I was I will never forget it. Some of my friends didn't like it but some of them said it was one of the best things they had ever seen and we couldn't really talk to eachother properly. Then we went home the end.


so great.
kerble is right.

EA Hall of Fame

27
My favorite, fromthis thread.



Cranius wrote:Marty used to wear a 'Hang Mandela' T-shirt, which is still in the bottom drawer of the dresser in his old room at his mum's house. It's ironed, folded and sitting next to the returned hatemail that he wrote to Lech Walesa.

Marty stared the last Great Auk to death in 1844.

Marty sews Elton John's wigs.

In his yout' Marty was a beast for Babylon, causing dreads much boderation.

Marty wears cargo pants.

He has also worked in advertising.

EA Hall of Fame

28
This one. Hot off the press:

Rimbaud III wrote:Exactly what kids in the Third World need to cheer them up; exposure to fisting, 'hilarious' video clips and instant messaging.

>>HAY, ADOFO, R U CUMMIN 2 DA CONTAMERNATED TUBE WEL 4 SUM WATAR?
>>NA. I HAV 2 DIG A GRAYV AND BERRY MY DED SISTA IN IT.
>>LAME! WOT DID SHE DIE OV?
>>FATHER BADU SED IT WOZ SIN. :-(

EA Hall of Fame

29
FMajcinek wrote:My favorite, fromthis thread.



Cranius wrote:Marty used to wear a 'Hang Mandela' T-shirt, which is still in the bottom drawer of the dresser in his old room at his mum's house. It's ironed, folded and sitting next to the returned hatemail that he wrote to Lech Walesa.

Marty stared the last Great Auk to death in 1844.

Marty sews Elton John's wigs.

In his yout' Marty was a beast for Babylon, causing dreads much boderation.

Marty wears cargo pants.

He has also worked in advertising.


Seconded.

EA Hall of Fame

30
Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:I have also seen a copy of "Entertainment Weekly" tonight that tells me that this "Hot Fuss" album by The Killers is the number eight record in the United States of America. This record has been on the charts for forty-one weeks, and it continues to sell tens of thousands of copies on a weekly basis.

I do not care about the music industry or record charts or anything like that. I do not care at all. But I am curious as to who is the person to buy so many copies of this "Hot Fuss" record.




also steve's post on the second page of the neil peart's lyrics thread.

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