a wise man once said, no wait, lemme start over. a wise man said on numerous occasions, as he farted, "smell my insides!" that man is my father. true story. spoot, feel free to tell him you read that on the 'net, and if you do, lemme know how awkward if at all his reaction is.

Farting during or after sex is hilarious, at least to me it is.
Farting while getting a blowjob is a good way to get dumped.
Farting at Thanksgiving dinner in front of your Grandma is classic. Especially if it's a stinker.

Farting is funny. A legitimate artform? I often wonder how Picasso's farts might have smelled.

Stef wrote:Farting is funny. A legitimate artform? I often wonder how Picasso's farts might have smelled.

They probably would've smelled somewhat familiar but all abstract and shit.

[quote="Angry_Dragon"][quote="Stef"]Farting is funny. A legitimate artform? I often wonder how Picasso's farts might have smelled.[/quote]

They probably would've smelled somewhat familiar but all abstract and shit.[/quote]

Abstract... Oh, you mean like someone who takes ferrous sulfate regularly. Ever smelled one of those?

Recently, while driving alone in my car (where I do the majority of my farting), I discovered the most comical thing one can do when farting: first, make a pathetic groaning sound, saying something like "no no nooo," almost like you're crying; then fart; then make a pathetic whimpering sound. The thing is to sound like you're an old bed-ridden man who's worst fear is farting. I haven't tried this in public yet, it's a little extreme.

There was this crazy blind guy who lived on Capitol Hill in Seattle. I remember watching him walk past a friend's house, shouting epithets at the world around him. He stopped, cocked his ass up like a cat in heat, cut a loud fart, and said "take that, Capitol Hill!"

I hope I never meet anyone who farts as much as my two brothers and I. I think we've got some sort of internal problem. Luckily, we all find farting incredible funny. It's only sad for anyone else who might be in the car with us. Next time I see them I'll show them the whining-old-man trick, I'm sure that'll keep us in stitches for a week or so.

toomanyhelicopters wrote:a wise man said on numerous occasions, as he farted, "smell my insides!" that man is my father. true story. spoot, feel free to tell him you read that on the 'net, and if you do, lemme know how awkward if at all his reaction is.

I'll mention it to him. You know your pop better than I do, but I'm not expecting any awkwardness. It's funny - I've always liked to say, "I just wanted to let you know what it's like on the inside." We'll compare notes.

Farting, like wearing black and drinking beer, will never go out of style.

But please to explain the "safety"? Huh?

FARTING couldn't be any more NOT CRAP.

Even fart STORIES are NOT CRAP, as evidenced by my uncontrollable laughter while reading this thread in my unversity's computer lab.

Safety/doorknob is classic. Does anyone know the thumb on the forehead game? My band learned this one in Cincinnati while on tour.

tmidgett wrote:still funny

does anyone on the planet besides steve still do the 'safety' bit?

My wife does. Of course, I would never yell, "Doorknob!" and punch her until she proceeded to touch said doorknob. Not hard, at least.

Brad, you have written:

Having recently moved into a new neighborhood, my girlfriend and I were graciously invited to a small party across the street. You know, to meet the new neighbors. Brad this is Doug. Hi Doug. Hi Brad.

After some nice food and a few beers, the ladies settled into the kitchen, apparently for the sole purpose of complimenting one another on their various homemade chip dips. The gentlemen (including me) sat down to play poker in the immediately adjacent dining room. After about a half hour, I was as bored as a Mormon, and it somehow struck me as appropriate to let fly with a true window rattler. On a wooden chair.

The women were aghast. The men chuckled uncomfortably. I kept a perfectly straight face.

I won a lot of money playing poker that night.

so btfl!