Mark Hansen wrote:I would consider that a good reason to break both of this person's kneecaps and every single bone in both hands.

Indeed. The thought had crossed (well, more like engulfed) my mind, as had several others. Now, I'm just disappointed.

Well, maybe Act One is still under consideration...

RayJ, what the fizzuck? Did this guy steal your computer or just borrow it? Is he gone for good?

What a steaming vagina.

Honestly, the computer wasn't mine...but he bought it instead of paying me back. We agreed that he would 'give' it to me, and he could pay at least a bit of it...in payments, at whatever level...off. I was planning on letting him use it in the meantime. Apparently that wasn't good enough.

rayj wrote:

Mark Hansen wrote:I would consider that a good reason to break both of this person's kneecaps and every single bone in both hands.

Indeed. The thought had crossed (well, more like engulfed) my mind, as had several others. Now, I'm just disappointed.

Well, maybe Act One is still under consideration...

Use an aluminum baseball bat, drill a hole, fill it with sand, and plug it.

It will make the job MUCH EASIER.

forget it.

Mark Hansen wrote:

Colonel Panic wrote:a heartbreaking story of leading an innocent girl into a life of debauchery and dissolution, and was then left in her dust, broken-hearted.

Jesus H, Mark! You make me out to be that creepy dealer from the movie Cocaine Fiends, offering all the girls some of his "headache powder" so he can get into their pants.

Mark Hansen wrote:So, did you send her the money?

Hell no. I may have been high but I wasn't a total idiot.

That story was posted with a degree of sarcasm, yes.

I admit that at the time I did feel betrayed. But then I was only a teenager, and there I was caught up in that irresponsible partier lifestyle and I just couldn't fathom why this girl whom I was so fond of would only be interested in me for just the drugs and sex, and would run off at the first opportunity of acquiring even more drugs and sex.

Do I feel guilty for, as you say, "leading an innocent girl into a life of debauchery and dissolution"?

Not really. She wasn't as innocent as all that, anyway. When she first met me, she may not have known exactly where to find the drugs, but she certainly had the intent to use them. A mutual friend had introduced me to her as his "drug dealer". She knew what she was getting into. She played innocent, but the first time I offered her a drink, she didn't refuse it.

Back then, I was just as caught up in it as she was and maybe even more. I was completely up-front about my lifestyle, even sort of reveled in that unwholesome, seedy "dope man" image. Naiive as I was, I was proud to be "living on the edge", rebelling against the uptight status quo. Because of my arrogance and self-absorption, I couldn't see that all my friends and I were just a bunch of shiftless dopers. In my imagination we were like the Beats of the 1950s, exploring the edges of experience in the interest of expanding our minds and pushing the boundaries of creativity. But in reality we were more like the hippies of the '60s, following a lame-ass subculture trend that led us nowhere. Hell, I was so out-of-it that I didn't even see it coming when she lied to me and both her roommates, then packed up her stuff and ran off.

If I'd been in control of all my faculties, and had willingly and purposefully seduced an innocent girl and "turned her out" by the use of drugs, then yes I would feel guilty. I would be too ashamed of myself to admit it here in a public forum. But the truth is, I really had no idea that my actions were leading anyone to their "dissolution". She went for the drugs just like I did. At some point you have to absolve yourself of that kind of responsibility. By that reasoning, I could beat myself up and hold myself responsible for the deaths of several close friends who OD'd, just because I'd contributed to their addiction by partaking of the "hard stuff" right along with them. At the time, we were all addicts. We were adults acting irresponsibly and making bad choices together.

I have too many other regrets about that period of my life to take on the additional guilt of not having saved the souls of everybody around me.

Wherever she is right now, I sincerely hope she's well and is living a comfortable and satisfying life. There's no malice on at all my part.

John, I was only joking. I'm sure you didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done at that time in my life.

I do apologize if you took what I said the wrong way, as I'm sure that, at heart, you are a decent guy.

Even if I don't always act decently, right?

Don't even worry about it. There's no need to apologize. That thing about Cocaine Fiends was meant as a joke. I find that movie to be hilarious.

Anyway, to put it a different way, what I was trying to get across was that sometimes people (especially in our youth) get so caught up in our own bullshit and perceive things from such a subjective point of view that we tend to project opinions and feelings onto events that may not be entirely reasonable. At the time, I figured I was doing this extremely sheltered, yet inquisitive girl a huge favor by sharing drug experiences with her and introducing her to this bold frontier of human experience which I felt I was discovering. I considered her to be my girlfriend and felt devoted to her, regardless of any unseen dangers I might have been carelessly dragging us both into. I never had any inkling that the chaotic and adventuresome way we chose to live might come between us. I felt hurt, but my arrogance wouldn't let me accept the blame, so I blamed her and considered it a betrayal.

big_dave wrote:

Ever noticed how some member's avatars reflect the exact emotion you feel when reading their posts?

That's Conrad Veidt, silent film star of the German Expressionist movement. He played the role of Cesare, the somnambulist in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

NerblyBear wrote:Whoa, Johnnyemphysema, you just responded in an excellent and full-bodied manner. This story, as bitter and full of regrets as it is, goes down like a fine scotchy-scotch right into my belly. The candor is much appreciated, and will hopefully steel others' resolve to follow suit. Kudos to you.

Dude, you sound just like a social worker, except for the part about the drinking.

"Anyone else care to share something? Don't be afraid to speak up. You don't have anything to worry about. Remember our confidentiality rule, everything said in this room stays in this room"...