Tim,

I'm having a pulled pork sandwich from Smoky Jon's BBQ; it tasty but a bit messy and my beard is covered in sauce. I have some wet naps for clean up but they are pretty small and the BBQ sauce has penetrated pretty deep. I feel like I need a shower but I am at work. Do you have any further advice?

johnnyemphysema wrote:Tim,

I'm having a pulled pork sandwich from Smoky Jon's BBQ; it tasty but a bit messy and my beard is covered in sauce. I have some wet naps for clean up but they are pretty small and the BBQ sauce has penetrated pretty deep. I feel like I need a shower but I am at work. Do you have any further advice?

Damn you. I'm off to my automobile and then to Smoky Jon's. Fucker.

Dear Tim midgett,
I am Prince James Irabo from the First Bank of Nigeria
Plc,Lagos BranchI got your contact through the internet.I have urgent and very confidential business proposal for you.
On June 6, 1999, an America Oil consultant/contractorwith the Nigerian
National Petroleum Corporation,Mr. Charles Ballassi made a numbered time (fixed) deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$9,700,000.00(NineMillion
Seven Hundred Thousand Dollars )in my branch upon
maturity. I sent a rountine notification to his forwarding
address but got no reply.After a month,we sent a reminder
and finally we discovered from his contract employers,the
Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Charles
Ballassi died in the plane crash of 31 October 1999[with Egyptian
990] with other passengers aboaed as you can confirm it yourself viathe
website below:
http://www.cnn.com/us/9911/02/egyptair9 ... index.html
on further investigation, i found out that he died without making a
WILL, and attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore
made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Charles Ballassi did
not declare any next of kin or relations in all his official documents,
including his bank deposit paperwork in my bank. This sum of
US$9,700,000.00 is still in my bank and the interest is being rolled over with the pricipal sum at the end of each
year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.According
to Nigerian law, at the expiration of (five)years, the
money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian
Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.
Consequently,my proposal is that i will like you as a
foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Mr. Charles
Ballassi so that the fruit of this old man's labour will not get into
the hands of some corrupt Government officials. This is simple, I will
like you to provide immediately your
full name and address so that the Attorney will prepare
the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you
in place as the next of kin.We shall employ the service oftwo attorney for the drafting and notarization of the WILLand obtain the ecessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favour for the transfer.Any bank account in any part of the world which you will
provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money toyou as the
beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all, the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful
execution of ths transaction. If you are interested,please
reply immediately via the private email address below,uponyour responce,i shall provide you with more details and
relevant documents that will help you understand the
transaction. Please observe utmost confidentiality and be rest assured that this transaction would be most
profitable for both of us because i shall require your
assitance to invest my share in your country.
Please upon the reciept of this mail message, send to me the following
to enable start the process of the fund into your bank account:
1. Your full Name
2. The name of your bank where you want the fund to be transfered into
3. Your private Telephone and fax numbers
Awaiting your urgent reply via my email:ijames4u@ny.com
Thanks and regards,

Prince James Irabo.
MANAGER,FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA Plc.

tmidgett wrote:I take this to mean you have been producing at least runny stool during this time.

Yes - sorry I meant to type Gastric.

And yes, life threatening if you don't get medical attention. My doctor likes to point out that it is a fast way to die if you live in a hot country with no access to a hosipital. I am lucky that I live in London and have good insurance, and a nice doctor. The worst bit was the flight home.

Dear TMidg,

Dreamed last night that you sold me a calculator. It only had the numbers: 1,3,0,4,6. You told me it was the model "One and Three and Friends". Then Andy came in and said that I should go for the " optional subtraction package". I knew you'd like to know.

penny mink wrote:Dear TMidg,

Dreamed last night that you sold me a calculator. It only had the numbers: 1,3,0,4,6. You told me it was the model "One and Three and Friends". Then Andy came in and said that I should go for the " optional subtraction package". I knew you'd like to know.

If this is true, this is incredible.

Hi, Tim.

I have a wrist watch that bears the label a good maker, but which I assume to be fake. I like the size and weight and appearance of this watch a great deal. However, it's slowing in its time-keeping and needs a battery change. It caused me to be a little behind schedule this morning, which I dislike greatly.

So, at the moment, I am at my desk considering risking the minor social indiginity of having the battery on a perhaps fake watch changed. I could risk undertaking the complicated battery changing myself, which might ruin this watch which I like.

Hi tmidgett!

Long time listener, first time caller. It's snowing out again here in Chicago. Could you please make it stop?

Hello tmidgett,

Could you suggest something funny for me to write in this thread?

I hope this letter finds you well.

John

Hey tmidgett!

Katey's family is coming to Texas for Passover in a few weeks. The house is clean now.

Making my 3rd trip to Lockhart for the year next week when we play in Boog. I hope my colon survives.

I am getting my first professional haircut of the 2000's in an hour.

More updates later.

Ok! Ciao!

Hey TM,

I'm on a huge Spaghetti Western kick right now, have you seen many?