Damn, that story got a laugh.

WMFS wrote:Okay, so heres one that will most likely make my posting stock plummet on this board.I went to see a show at Kansas house in Arlington (D.C. for the sake of brevity). Showed up by myself with a few beers in hand. I do the usual floating around, socializing with vapid, spoiled NOVA kids who are still nuts up about Animal Collective. Slightly before the show I get what I was sure were fuck me eyes from a little bird on the other side of the porch. Show starts, show was not as good as I'd hoped, Show ends. I make moves and end up walking with said girl to the corner store down the street for more booze where we make out a bit on the way there and back. We end up back at her apartment in Clarendon where we make way of the make out and heavy petting. After doing the head/neck/tits/abs kiss/nibble maneuver I go to take off her pants to start eating her out. Shortly there after her thighs are locked around my neck like a fucking python. I start sucking on her labia, her clit and make my way inward while sucking. For some reason, not sure if I lost my breath or not but I sucked in real fucking hard when my mouth was almost entirely covering her hole, where, at that instant she thrust her hips forward and a ... long slender waxy dart like entity short right into my mouth and hit the back of my throat causing me to gasp, cough and generally try to fight for my life. I hack up what I hope is all but is probably most of what looks like a long piece of melted candle wax. We both look at it for a while speechless until she says I always thought that stuff just kind of disintegrated inside of me. At this point I realize I most likely had some other guys cum in my mouth, quickly take stock of the situation, and then go about and finish what it was I intended to do.This is awesome. This is an amazing story. You did exactly what you were supposed to do, biologically speaking. Have you read Sperm Wars?

WMFS wrote:Okay, so heres one that will most likely make my posting stock plummet on this board.I went to see a show at Kansas house in Arlington (D.C. for the sake of brevity). Showed up by myself with a few beers in hand. I do the usual floating around, socializing with vapid, spoiled NOVA kids who are still nuts up about Animal Collective. Slightly before the show I get what I was sure were fuck me eyes from a little bird on the other side of the porch. Show starts, show was not as good as I'd hoped, Show ends. I make moves and end up walking with said girl to the corner store down the street for more booze where we make out a bit on the way there and back. We end up back at her apartment in Clarendon where we make way of the make out and heavy petting. After doing the head/neck/tits/abs kiss/nibble maneuver I go to take off her pants to start eating her out. Shortly there after her thighs are locked around my neck like a fucking python. I start sucking on her labia, her clit and make my way inward while sucking. For some reason, not sure if I lost my breath or not but I sucked in real fucking hard when my mouth was almost entirely covering her hole, where, at that instant she thrust her hips forward and a ... long slender waxy dart like entity short right into my mouth and hit the back of my throat causing me to gasp, cough and generally try to fight for my life. I hack up what I hope is all but is probably most of what looks like a long piece of melted candle wax. We both look at it for a while speechless until she says I always thought that stuff just kind of disintegrated inside of me. At this point I realize I most likely had some other guys cum in my mouth, quickly take stock of the situation, and then go about and finish what it was I intended to do.Also, did she say it was sperm? Why would sperm coagulate like that? I bet it was some sort of contraceptive, there's some sort of disintegrating bullet type thing they put up in there. It's not a common one, but I have seen it before.

Ty Webb wrote:a chemistry labe accidentFYP

That picture of the queen is great.Yeah. I thought maybe you were en route to fishing out a tampon. But fuck, that's gross, how did get like candle wax?? Yuck. That couldn't of been someone elses load.It took stones to post though, kudos.

Trey wrote:You did not eat another man's chud. It was a dissolving suppository contraceptive. Your lips will get numb from them but you might not notice it if you've been drinking.This happen to you often?

I have a story for you but ashamed to tell it and don't know if would fit.

So yeah, I have this little story involving anal sex.I was never so hung up on the idea of sticking my penis into the hose that brings shit to day light, but all the people I know were saying it's the best thing ever. It's so tight and all and it's better than vaginal stuff.So I tried. She told me she wants to do it. I am, meh wtf no problem if that's what you want. We had a healthy sexual relationship before that and we enjoyed vulva sex a lot, not even thinking about going to the dark side for some satisfaction. I am no horse hung guy, to be clear, so I had no worries I would rupture her insides if we did this.So couple of minutes into the vulva transaction she tells me to put it into the other hole. She never tried that also, so we had a bit of a problem to get it going. I was not happy, I had performance problems and she did not enjoy it at all. We decided to go along until we figure it out. After a few minutes of trying and some amount of lubrication we managed to hit it off. Everything is as planned, just I have this feeling I'm hitting something inside of her hole the whole time. Something in between a solid and a soft cluster. I play along. I don't even want to think about it. She seems to be enjoying this, I am telling myself I'm THAT good and there is no way she's faking this. I know she feels very little pain from my regular sized penis. Nothing major here. Just a regular EU cock.I pull it out and there is beans all over my penis. Bean shells all over my penis, even small brow stains on it too. She starts laughing and tells me that she ate that yesterday. HA! FUCKING HA! I immediately go to toilette, start smiling as this is not so disgusting at all and wake up my parents in the process. I lock myself in the toilette, start scrubbing my penis until it turned red from bottom to top. I return to my room, we share good laughs about it and we decide to never do it again. She goes home.For all you picturesque people out there:+