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When capnreverb writes:

If you want a relationship shit easy and hassle free, with no baggage and very little risk, then avoid the one with a kid, because you are selfish and not ready.

I do not think he is necessarily saying that wanting a relationship with someone who doesn't have kids makes you selfish and/or unready. I think he is saying that wanting a relationship to be easy and hassle-free means such, which I may or may not agree with.

However, being in a relationship already with someone who shares my lack of desire to have our own children, I would have to say that having to deal with someone else's would be crap.

Personally i think people who don't like kids should be herded and backed into the ocean, but that's just my opinion.

And what the fuck's up with the only 2 options being "fuck no" and "I don't even CARE?"

How about people who see their lover's children as enriching to their own lives?

You're a dumb shit anyway.

rachael wrote:Personally i think people who don't like kids should be herded and backed into the ocean, but that's just my opinion.

Are you saying this without there being any exception to the rule?

Look at these kids.

They're creepy as shit.
If I met some girl and she had kids with freaky glowing eyes like these, you can bet your ass that I would run fast as fuck from there.

Angriest_Dragon wrote:I see nothing wrong with dating someone who has a child as long as it's made known that they have children before anything serious happens.

As long as this is the case, then NOT CRAP
If them kids got them freaky glowing eyes rockin', then CRAP

rachael wrote:Personally i think people who don't like kids should be herded and backed into the ocean, but that's just my opinion.

Okay, Rachael. Welcome back.

ironyengine wrote:When capnreverb writes:

If you want a relationship shit easy and hassle free, with no baggage and very little risk, then avoid the one with a kid, because you are selfish and not ready.

I do not think he is necessarily saying that wanting a relationship with someone who doesn't have kids makes you selfish and/or unready. I think he is saying that wanting a relationship to be easy and hassle-free means such, which I may or may not agree with.

I presume that everyone wants their relationship to be as hassle-free as possible, but most (if not all) relationships will inevitably have some points of contention. I'd like to think that everyone is aware of this risk when entering a relationship. To this end, I also think it makes perfect sense to choose your "hassles," and if you find the idea of being involved with someone who has children to be unpleasant, you should avoid it. Obviously, you wouldn't expect a relationship to be free of problems just because neither party has reproduced.

ironyengine wrote:However, being in a relationship already with someone who shares my lack of desire to have our own children, I would have to say that having to deal with someone else's would be crap.

I agree with this 100% and hope that I am not herded and backed into the ocean for being a "dumb shit." My point is that people have to do what's best for themselves when it comes to whether or not to pursue a particular relationship, and it's pretty arrogant to try and "call someone out" over their line of reasoning.

That having been said, I am absolutely not siding with the "bang your hot roommate/sex with fat chicks/whatever" contingency here, whoever they may be. I'm not interested in throwing insults around (at least not in this thread). I don't think having kids, or being in a relationship with someone who has kids is "a bunch of bullshit," but it honestly isn't something I ever want to take part in. I don't think this automatically puts me, or anyone else who shares my view on this topic, in the category that capnreverb outlined above.

Since this thread is called "Dating someone with a kid," I'm assuming that the topic involves casually dating someone with a child. In my experience--and I've dated four women with children--most women aren't even gonna let a guy meet their kid(s) until it's apparent that he is "boyfriend material" because it's confusing and upsetting for kids to have people flitting in and out of their lives. So you little boys who are so afraid of having someone impinge upon your precious freedom from complex human relationships needn't worry.

In my experience, dating a woman with a kid has a number of potential benefits. First off, as Rachael says, if you pass the test and actually get to spend time with the kid, you get to have your life enriched by a child, one of this world's greatest gifts. You also get to see a mother and her child together. Few things are more beautiful.

Also, in my experience, women with children have left behind a lot of the party girl impulses that, in my late thirties, no longer interest me. You can tell a lot about a woman by how motherhood has changed her--and it can be beneficial to you to know this prior to having a kid with that woman yourself. Dig?

Also, assuming many of you all are musicians or some other kind of artist, you might like to know that women with kids are less apt to begrudge one the solitary time required to write songs and poems; they have a responsibility that's just as relentlessly demanding as your dedication to your craft. So they tend not to freak out when I withdraw for a while, as other childless women I've dated have sometimes done.

And, you know, I just love kids. So dating a woman with a kid is a fucking bonus all the way around.

Ex-husbands and baby-daddies, on the other hand, are a whole different story.

Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:So you little boys who are so afraid of having someone impinge upon your precious freedom from complex human relationships needn't worry.

If you're not involved with someone who has a child, then you're clearly not involved in a complex human relationship, nor are you capable of being involved in this type of interaction? If that's what you're implying, then I disagree. If that isn't what you're implying, then I've misunderstood. This is certainly a strong possibility.

Brett Eugene Ralph wrote:Since this thread is called "Dating someone with a kid," I'm assuming that the topic involves casually dating someone with a child.

My friend Larry has a little kid. No one will date him. Poor fellow.



He has a flutterboard too. Although that may not be his flutterboard pictured here. In that case he still may have a flutterboard of his own elsewhere. I could ask if you like. I am prepared to do that.

If I wanted kids at this point in my life, I'd have had my own by now. That's how I look at it.

Also, I think one needs to consider all the factors of dating someone with a child.... Was the person previously married and what are your feelings on that?? Is there a crazy ex/parent of the kid hanging around that's gonna cause problems?? Are you a spontaneous person or someone who likes to go places that aren't "kid-friendly"?? Are you someone who needs a lot of attention from your partner?? Is this person even a good parent?? What's their financial situation??

I think you really have to know yourself and what you need and want in a relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating someone because they have a kid no matter how awesome that person might be. I would put this in the same category as dating someone with a demanding job or other major responsibilities that could interfere with the flow of the relationship.

i don't think it's anymore selfish to back out of a relationship with someone after finding out they have a kid than it is to not want children in the first place. (or is this gonna turn into one of those dreaded "childless couples are selfish" threads? be fruitful and multiply, go packers, etc.)

simply put, some people just don't want the responsiblity of raising a kid, whether it's their kid or someone else's. i'm not saying i'm always gonna be like this, but... for now... i am.