PASTA wrote: Mon Aug 26, 2024 6:04 pm My grandmother passed this morning at 105 am PST.

My sincerest condolences from Sydney - I am so sorry

ChudFusk wrote: Mon Aug 26, 2024 7:56 pm Very sorry about your nonna, Pasta.

Vibracobra wrote: Mon Aug 26, 2024 3:39 am If your wife told you she's ok with it cause she knows it would make you super happy then go for it. You both have to agree on these kind of matters.

On the other hand, because she is a super cool wife, she is likely to tell him to do it if it makes him feel good, even if it doesn’t make her feel good. And then he has to be comfortable doing something that doesn’t feel good to someone who’s been through a pretty frightening health situation, not to mention being away from that beloved person having probably more fun than she is on any given day.

I’m not trying to guilt Patrick here, because I know he’ll do the thing that is most true to his values and right for the situation, and I’m not even saying that I know what the right answer is. I’m just playing devil’s advocate regarding your comment, because she could be totally supportive and still be happier if he stayed home. I think it depends how much of a difference it is going to make for her, and weigh that against how awesome the gig is. if it’s a level of things that you’ve never got to do before, then it’s important to do it so you don’t resent her or yourself. But again, I’m not really talking to Patrick because I know whatever happens will be the most righteous thing because that’s how he rolls.

This is exactly the conversation that is happening in our house this week. Signs point to "black t-shirts every day for a month," currently.

dontfeartheringo wrote: Tue Aug 27, 2024 8:25 amSigns point to "black t-shirts every day for a month," currently.

Well the request for unpaid leave to do a tour went up the flagpole and got shot down from the top.

No tour for me.

I'm super disappointed. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so stoked about it.

Feh.

dontfeartheringo wrote: Tue Aug 27, 2024 3:28 pm Well the request for unpaid leave to do a tour went up the flagpole and got shot down from the top.

No tour for me.

I'm super disappointed. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so stoked about it.

Feh.

Total bummer.....good on you for putting family first. Can you reveal who the band was?

I have an IT job at a local college where I'm paid well, respected (I think) and where "work" typically doesn't intersect with "life" in negative ways. I also have a wife, a mortgage and a 10 year old son. Music has been a part of my life for over 40 years and the need to make art and be creatively engaged is an essential nutrient to my soul and I go to dark places when deprived of that. I've always made music in the niche, semi-pro world most of us inhabit, and yes, it's an unrealized dream of mine to make music my day job, in a manner that isn't itself soul-sucking. So far that hasn't come close to panning out!

Patrick, I would not advise you what to do and I would not have any judgement, spoken or unspoken. But I think I get your motivation and dilemma. IF IT WERE ME WITH THIS OPPORTUNITY I think the money, job security matters could work themselves out. What would be a massive bummer is leaving my son for month-long timespans. He's at a point now where he can curate his own self-interests, has a meaningful group of friends and the way he's in my life seems to evolve so fast, I'm scared I'm going to lose him if I don't actively keep up with where life is taking him.

I wouldn't want to imply that you don't deal with these same concerns, and I know you have gone out on the road for a while and still are a great parent, as are many other touring musicians. But it's really great right now where my kid is at a point where we can explore and learn together and have real conversations and I know that time period isn't gonna last forever.

I bet it's a kind of bummer to not be joining The Rock Show but ten years 'til pension sounds pretty dang good to me right now.

I am right now dealing with some octogenarians who really, REALLY could have planned a little better for their old age and financial well-being.

dontfeartheringo wrote: Tue Aug 27, 2024 3:28 pm Well the request for unpaid leave to do a tour went up the flagpole and got shot down from the top.

No tour for me.

I'm super disappointed. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so stoked about it.

Feh.

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that! Sending best wishes for some good news coming your way to balance it out.

dontfeartheringo wrote: Tue Aug 27, 2024 3:28 pm Well the request for unpaid leave to do a tour went up the flagpole and got shot down from the top.

No tour for me.

I'm super disappointed. I couldn't sleep last night, I was so stoked about it.

Feh.

Do. The. Tour.

Repeated viewings of that terrible house coupled with lightning flashes and the low rumble of thunder outside is effectively keeping me from sleeping.

I guess this is what I wanted.