Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Why not fight for her?

I am not kidding at all.

Am I really the first person to suggest this thing?

I was going to suggest this as well.

First, take a break, by all means. There's nothing better than taking a step back and re-evaluating your relationship and what kind of changes both of you could make. If she was crying about leaving you then it obviously hurts her to do so, it's not like she doesn't give a shit.

So, talk to her about it, when you're ready. Give it a shot. If things still don't work out then at least you'll have learned things about yourself and will most likely have a stronger relationship with someone else in the future!

It's not worth the effort, If he needs to FIGHT for this relationship.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Why not fight for her?

I am not kidding at all.

Am I really the first person to suggest this thing?

i missed the 'for' in this.

i hope no-one else makes this mistake.

Ty Webb wrote:Funny how guys cope. I had precisely the same experience, Alex. Except I didn't really pick up a new hobby, unless you count living like a Damn Hell Ass King a hobby.

"A" hobby?
Dude..."the" hobby.
Lifelong, I may add.

I'm wearing my crown right now.

-A

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Why not fight for her?

I am not kidding at all.

Am I really the first person to suggest this thing?

I dunno.
I see your point, but as I understand it, our kid got dumped because of what seems to be irreconcilable differences.

One choice is to change - become the person he is not. This is OK if it means "quit picking your toes," "chew with your mouth closed," or "lift the seat when you pee."
I think this goes beyond that.

The other choice is to find someone who likes him as he is. As I mentioned, you don't marry all your girlfriends, ergo, you will break up with the vast majority of them. That includes the ones you spend years with or even share a household with. That's the hard part of life.

I've watched my friends, and very few women seem to genuinely respond well to being "fought for" regardless of what is portrayed in the movies.
Life isn't like Say Anything.
Working at a relationship is one thing, but as 242 said, fighting? Well, that's probably a bit much. It should be easier than that. Life is to be enjoyed.

Take what this woman has said. Decide what is legit ("your socks have nasty stains and it grosses everyone out") and what isn't ("your taste in music sucks") - take the former as a hot tip and the latter as a signal that you need to find someone who's OK with those quirks.
Weigh heavily on the "love me as I am" side of the equation and recognize where you are truly a dick.

Then, get amongst it and meet a woman who thinks you're great.

-A

Wow. It's been helpful reading this. I was just dumped too.

My girlfriend and I had been together for three years. She was my first girlfriend too (I started dating somewhat late). For three years, she was my best friend, and I suppose she still is. I saw this coming long ago, though. I'm a recording engineer, and she's in med school. Being in a relationship with a med school student is nigh impossible. I was willing to try and make it work, but to no avail. Aside from us not being able to spend time much together anymore, much less talk on the phone, I think we were just different. Of course, it seemed to both of this that we had a kind of connection only we understood (common tale?). But she just didn't want to be with an engineer because (not her words), I am in fact quite different from a large pizza; the pizza can feed a family of four, you've heard it. I don't of course intend to be a failure, but she is convinved that she will ultimately have more security in her work than I do in mine. She's probably right, too. If we were to carry on a relationship through med school, the desired result would probably be marriage. So, since she just started, she decided to end it now.

When you can't understand someone, you don't always realize it. As well as we knew eachother, we just couldn't see eye to eye. She always thought that to follow artistic pursuits for a career would be foolish, and would never let "her children do that." She felt that if we had children, she'd have to tell them "don't be like daddy." I of course, felt quite differently, and could never fully understand why anyone would willingly put themselves through the unimaginable strains of medical school. I understand that now, but too late. She didn't want me to have to change for her, and I wouldn't have anyway. And I know she won't change for anybody. Correct: change doesn't really happen (or is it, can't change, won't change?). Oh well.

Best three years of my life, too. Words from the slightly wiser: if you see signs that your partner wants to end it, don't spend all your time convincing them that "it can work." That just means you're holding on tight to something you know is going to end.

tommydski wrote:

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Why not fight for her?

I am not kidding at all.

Am I really the first person to suggest this thing?

i missed the 'for' in this.

i hope no-one else makes this mistake.

Fighting her might actually be a good idea.
Wait until you are ninja.

When I originally stated that we live in the same apartment, I meant apartment building. It is actually an old six flat. We both have the ground floor apartments. Our back doors open out into the stairwell. Our bedroom closets share the same inner wall....now if only I could make a little door through the wall....I know I could sneak into her at night and make her love me again.. forever and ever and ever....: ) OK if only it was that easy.

The main problems we've had in this relationship:

She is bothered by me being a "wallflower" and not having enough passion for anything. I wasn't always this way, fuck you depression.

She has admitted to having a hard time with long term commitment and opening up to loving someone.

Hmm? I guess it would be healthier to cut and run at this point, but my stupid heart isn't letting me. On the whole we really got along well. I am 33, I've had relationships. This "break up" just doesn't feel right, yet. I know if she has her mind set though, there is no turning back.

Again thank you all for the great replies. It helps. I need to be a Damn Hell Ass King and a ninja. Damn I wish I could buy a motorcycle right now too...
I think I really need to start playing out again too. Something to make me feel good about being me again.

dude if you have a therapist you probably shouldn't have a girlfriend.

anyway, it sounds like this is all your fault (in all seriousness). if she's been acting edgy for the last couple of months she's been wanting to do this for a long, long time, which means she's thought of EVERYTHING and has arrived at the inescapable conclusion that she's better off without you.

SO anyway, it's completely over. if you're 33 you've still got like 5 years of being able to do whatever you want until you need to start thinking about settling down or having kids or getting into a relationship or complaining about your back or whatever.

the dude who said to eat really well & excercise and go out a bunch is bang on. if you live across the building from this girl try and make her jealous, it will make you feel good. pick up the pieces as quickly as possible. chances are she wants you to feel wrecked from her decision to prove to herself that she made the right choice.

anyway the important thing is when you feel like shit you're desperate for anything to occupy your time, and in this mindset you can get a LOT accomplished. buy some better clothes, maybe look for a better job, and start planning a vacation. if you can start banging someone really hot that will help. don't do too much shit alone right now. try not to let her hear you sob uncontrollably at night.

IT'S COMPLETELY OVER!! also out of the billions of girls your age in the world, a few of them are bound to be exactly like this girl, only a lot better/smarter/hotter so keep an eye out for those.

There's a few good threads on breakups. Here's one.

The main consensus - physical exercise.

= Justin