how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

31
Minotaur029 wrote:
Marsupialized wrote:[MARSUPIALIZED GIVES ADVICE]


You are so funny and great. I would like to blow you.

Actually, I did enjoy this advice. Ummmm...if you actually like the girl...at what point do you reveal that you just made a bunch of shit up? I mean...if it's based on lies, it should only go as far as a short-term casual screwing, right?....uh...right?


It'll never come up, as long as you don't mention the same fake things ever again she's not gonna remember some random name spoken to her at a bar one night. Plus there's so much stuff out there that if you really end up hitting it off you just go out with her and discover new shit with her.
If you are worried about it just pick some random thing up one day and say 'oh thisis what I was telling you about that nigth we met'
Flip thru it and say 'maybe it's not as good as I thought it was' and that's that.
Rick Reuben wrote:Marsupialized reminds me of freedom

how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

32
Marsupialized wrote:Punk chick? Goth chick? Emo Indie whatever chicks?
Sit down next to her, don't say anything for a few minutes then point at some dude in the room and say something mean about him to her. Not something horrible just some silly snide remark about what a douche he looks like....


Do you get a lot of beer "accidentally" spilled on you?
H-GM wrote:Still don't make you mexican, Dances With Burros.

how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

33
itchy mcgoo wrote:
Marsupialized wrote:Punk chick? Goth chick? Emo Indie whatever chicks?
Sit down next to her, don't say anything for a few minutes then point at some dude in the room and say something mean about him to her. Not something horrible just some silly snide remark about what a douche he looks like....


Do you get a lot of beer "accidentally" spilled on you?


if by 'beer' you mean 'vagina juice' then yes, all the time
Rick Reuben wrote:Marsupialized reminds me of freedom

how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

35
Marsupialized wrote:
yaledelay wrote:"Hi I'm Chris, I find you attractive, I would love to buy you a drink and have a conversation"


I can see why you are asking for advice on here if this is how you go about trying to pull wool.
terrible, man.

As a certified master of such matters, as well as being blessed with a keen understanding of and almost supernatural ability to manipulate the female psyche to meet my own ends, I will try and school you a bit my dear boy. Pull up a chair.
it depends on what kind of girl you are trying to hit on.

Punk chick? Goth chick? Emo Indie whatever chicks?
Sit down next to her, don't say anything for a few minutes then point at some dude in the room and say something mean about him to her. Not something horrible just some silly snide remark about what a douche he looks like. Then say "I can't imagine what kind of girls go for a dude like that'
Boom, you are into a conversation I guarantee it. Now she's either going to start laughing and agree with you and start joking around or she's gonna decide to play it like 'and why do you think you are such hot shit?' and give you a bit of an attitude. If she starts laughing with you, it's pretty much a done deal unless you are just completely inept.
But either way, game on.
If she does the attitude thing say 'no, it's not so much the dude it's the girls who would date that kinda dude who bug me, he is obviously the type who wants a girl to wait on him hand and foot. fuck that, who wants that?'
Talk about what goofballs most women are and how she is so obviously not like any of those types, she is so much more intelligent and independent than the average woman.
Don't come out too strong or hard with it right off the bat, kind of dismiss her at first then all of a sudden turn your complete attention to her like you are suddenly intrigued by something she's said.
Go on and on about how hard it is to find a strong female who does not want to be led by any man. Ask her about whatever stupid art she does and praise it, don't go overboard just look at it and say 'wow, this is really good. wow.' just like that. make it look like you are really thinking about it for a minute or two. then say 'wow' again. Bring it up out of nowhere a little later in the night 'I'm sorry but I was just thinking about that poem you let me read, it was REALLY good' maybe even quote a line and say 'I really like that line'.
Act like you are all into whatever it is...I'm using poetry as an example because poetry is so stupid but it works for anything, painting, sculpture, maybe she molds disney figureeens out of dried cat turds, whatever. Make up a name of an artist and say you are a big fan of theirs and have you read any of their stuff? It's so good, you would love it. 'Oh, Carol Bellpepper is so good it's a shame it's kind of hard to find maybe you haven't heard of her she's just coming up now. I went and heard her speak at (make up the name of a gallery) Eyeball Gallery last year she was so cool. describe in great detail this imaginary evening if she asks, maybe even adding a little piece at the end about a weird cab driver you encountered on the way or something.
she'll say 'oh that name sounds familiar I think I read something about her, it sounded interesting'
From there just ride that out for awhile, use the same formula for restaurants, bands, movies just use different words. You wanna make it seem like you can turn her onto to all these interesting things she's never heard of before.
She'll throw out some sort of sexual comment at some point just to see how you react. Laugh it off, say something like 'yeah I've been there a few times' and move along to something else, don;t get suckered into all of a sudden talking about nothing but fucking that's the game she's trying to rope you into just to say to herself 'see he just wants to fuck me, he doesn't really give a shit'
By this time you should get her number, don;t wait till the end of the night get it right then. She'll give it to you. Say 'well it was nice meeting you but I gotta blah blah blah it was really nice talking to someone interesting for a change'
She will respect the fact you aren't sitting there all night like a fucking puppydog just because some chick showed a little interest. THIS IS KEY.
Get up and leave once you have that number.
Call her a few days later and tell her some stupid story that makes her laugh and you are in. She'll either invite you over to her house to 'watch a movie' or if she wants to be all civilized about it out on a date.
Do not take her to an expensive place on the first date, you don't wanna set that precedent and it'll backfire because she'll just say 'he'll just take any old chick he dates here? what an loser'

Ok, I got you that far. If you fuck it up at that point you are hopeless.

That's for artsy chicks.
For metal chicks just say a bunch of blasphemous and disgusting things and act crazy.

Regular blonde chicks?
Pretend you are rich, I guess.

fat women?
'Alright, fuck it...let's go'


From "The Marsupialized Guide To Getting Tang". Soon to be a major motion picture.

how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

38
DrAwkward wrote:
Marsupialized wrote:[MARSUPIALIZED GIVES ADVICE]


Yale, you should have called this thread "how to hit on someone and not ACTUALLY BE a complete idiot."


yeah, I guess, but if you are a complete idiot there is really no help for you...
Ty Webb wrote:
You need to stop pretending that this is some kind of philosophical choice not to procreate and just admit you don't wear pants to the dentist.

how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

39
DrAwkward wrote:
Marsupialized wrote:[MARSUPIALIZED GIVES ADVICE]


Excellent parody post, Marsup.

Oh...wait...you meant that?


what, that I like vaginas? I know it's hard to explain to someone such as you with no interest in the femme sleeve, but yes I really do enjoy me a nice vagina.
Ok I'll explain it, you know when you see a giant erect cock? You get that little tingle in your bottom? Knees get a little weak, your mouth waters?
I feel that way for vaginas.
Rick Reuben wrote:Marsupialized reminds me of freedom

how to hit on someone and not come off a complete idiot

40
Marsupialized wrote:
DrAwkward wrote:
Marsupialized wrote:[MARSUPIALIZED GIVES ADVICE]


Excellent parody post, Marsup.

Oh...wait...you meant that?


what, that I like vaginas? I know it's hard to explain to someone such as you with no interest in the femme sleeve, but yes I really do enjoy me a nice vagina.
Ok I'll explain it, you know when you see a giant erect cock? You get that little tingle in your bottom? Knees get a little weak, your mouth waters?
I feel that way for vaginas.


I think there may actually be a bulletproof pickup line in this post somewhere.

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