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Posted: **Fri Feb 20, 2026 5:41 pm**

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm So much has happened since originally posting this. We are in mediation. We met with a "Financial Neutral" The whole process has felt biased against me and my situation...

Recently my wife has demanded that I agree to a "stop the clock" date for our separation, admittedly because she wants to cut things off before we hit the 20-year mark of our marriage in order to not be on the hook for a longer Maintenance/Alimony period.

****
Under New York's maintenance guidelines (DRL § 236(B)(6)), the advisory duration of maintenance payments is expressed as a percentage of the length of the marriage. The brackets are:
Up to 15 years: 15% to 30% of the length of the marriage
15 to 20 years: 30% to 40% of the length of the marriage
More than 20 years: 35% to 50% of the length of the marriage
So for a marriage of 19 years and 9 months, the advisory range would be roughly 6 to 8 years of maintenance. For a marriage just over 20 years, the range would be roughly 7 to 10 years.
****

She's saying I need to agree to stopping the clock before May 13th (our anniversary) or she will not agree to keeping the house... which is the scenario we are currently trying to make work... This along with other non-negotiables she's demaning a lot of this feels like coercion.

Can anybody here speak to this or offer advice? I'm supposed to give and answer today. I feel like I am being asked to answer under duress. I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

I could use some thoughts... also, does anybody know a good lawyer for counsel and to review the mediation agreements? I'm in NYC.

Thanks guys.

let me get this straight. she owes you alimony, but she is going to keep the house and kids? but she will sell the house if you don't agree to this deadline? and you don't want her to do that for some reason?

just tell her you need to talk to your lawyer first. don't sign anything today!

Posted: **Fri Feb 20, 2026 5:50 pm**

hbiden@onlyfans.com wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 5:41 pm
themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm So much has happened since originally posting this. We are in mediation. We met with a "Financial Neutral" The whole process has felt biased against me and my situation...

Recently my wife has demanded that I agree to a "stop the clock" date for our separation, admittedly because she wants to cut things off before we hit the 20-year mark of our marriage in order to not be on the hook for a longer Maintenance/Alimony period.

****
Under New York's maintenance guidelines (DRL § 236(B)(6)), the advisory duration of maintenance payments is expressed as a percentage of the length of the marriage. The brackets are:
Up to 15 years: 15% to 30% of the length of the marriage
15 to 20 years: 30% to 40% of the length of the marriage
More than 20 years: 35% to 50% of the length of the marriage
So for a marriage of 19 years and 9 months, the advisory range would be roughly 6 to 8 years of maintenance. For a marriage just over 20 years, the range would be roughly 7 to 10 years.
****

She's saying I need to agree to stopping the clock before May 13th (our anniversary) or she will not agree to keeping the house... which is the scenario we are currently trying to make work... This along with other non-negotiables she's demaning a lot of this feels like coercion.

Can anybody here speak to this or offer advice? I'm supposed to give and answer today. I feel like I am being asked to answer under duress. I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

I could use some thoughts... also, does anybody know a good lawyer for counsel and to review the mediation agreements? I'm in NYC.

Thanks guys.
let me get this straight. she owes you alimony, but she is going to keep the house and kids? but she will sell the house if you don't agree to this deadline? and you don't want her to do that for some reason?

just tell her you need to talk to your lawyer first. don't sign anything today!

No no. We have a two-family house in Brooklyn. I want to keep the house, I am also the custodial parent of a 17-yo and have been a stay-home dad, homemaker and renovator of this house the whole time. She owes me Maintnence and Child Support... she want to cut her loses and sell the house and move on. This will leave me without a workshop, without a studio, etc. My half of the assets and equity would not get me a similar situation and would likely put me in a situation where I cannot support myself as I can if I stay. She can easily move to the 3rd floor rental or rent it out and use the money to live elsewhere if she doesn't want to be here. My daughter gets to keep her room and childhood house through college. If in 5-6 years when the alimony runs out we agree to sell or I refinance and buy her out. It's a win win situation for her... but if she puts her foot down and demands we sell, then I will likely need more than the 5-6 years of alimony... to pay off debts I will likely incure trying to rebuild my life elsewhere. Basically she's trying to game the system and threaten me with it.

Posted: **Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm**

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.

Posted: **Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:03 pm**

Curry Pervert wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm
themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.
Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.

How would you say this? We are in mediation, so it's up to us to draw this up and have the mediator work it out.

Posted: **Sat Feb 21, 2026 1:37 am**

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:03 pm
Curry Pervert wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm
themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.
Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.
How would you say this? We are in mediation, so it's up to us to draw this up and have the mediator work it out.

Maybe try and get a private 5 mins with the mediator so you can explain the situation. It sounds to me like you are being more than reasonable about all this.

I would definitely get a lawyer to draw the contract up though, you want it as airtight as possible.

Posted: **Sat Feb 21, 2026 3:22 am**

If it is contentious at all and you are the one with less leverage that made sacrifices in material/career terms, then lawyer up before you regret not doing so. Also, as others have noted, you might go back and edit your original posts to remove all identifying details. Good luck.

Posted: **Sat Feb 21, 2026 8:54 pm**

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:03 pm
Curry Pervert wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm
themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.
Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.
How would you say this? We are in mediation, so it's up to us to draw this up and have the mediator work it out.

Hi [Mediator’s Name],

I wanted to follow up on the discussion regarding the proposed “stop‑the‑clock” separation date. I want to be clear that I’m not rejecting the idea, and I’m willing to consider it in good faith. However, I’m feeling a lot of pressure to make a same‑day decision, and I’m not comfortable agreeing to something with long‑term financial consequences without having the full picture.

For me, the separation date and the question of the house are directly connected. My ability to support myself and maintain stability for our daughter depends heavily on whether I’m able to remain in the home. Because of that, I don’t feel I can agree to a separation date in isolation, especially if the housing arrangement is still unresolved or could change later.

What I’m asking for is simply the time and space to make an informed decision, and to ensure that any agreement on the separation date is part of a complete and mutually workable plan. I want to continue participating in mediation constructively, and I believe taking a bit more time here will help us reach a fair and sustainable resolution.

Thank you for understanding, and I’m ready to continue the conversation in our next session.

Best,
THEMILFORD

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