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I think the closest I have had is that I was in a band with 3 dear friends and one of them while an amazing musician, but was kind of a drunk (or most likely was using booze to deal with social anxiety), but it just dragged the whole thing down. It was frustrating and caused real damage to the friendship. It sucked going up on stage and realizing it could very well be a very embarrassing situation. Don't get me wrong either, I dont expect bands to be stone cold sober (lol) but if you drink you need to be able to know your limits to operate in band. It's a shame really.

I had/have the exact same situation with a former bandmate, still very close friend. He’s clearly a high functioning alcoholic. He would/ still does binge drink incredibly hard when the opportunity presents. He’d do this to the point of just being able to perform, he was never a technical gear guy, but had amazing gear, a beautiful black Les Paul Custom and a Soldano Hot Rod. I’d have to set up for him… now we mostly just go to shows which is fine. But occasionally play tabletop games… which become impossible because he’ll pound down a bottle of wine in half an hour and start arguing the rules…

I think over the years bands have started as friends then descended in to bitterness for the same reason relationships have… familiarity breeds contempt.

Teacher's Pet wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 3:53 pm Got me thinking... who famously hated each other?

The Police
Talking Heads
Brian Jonestown Massacre
Dinosaur Jr (v1)

I think Johnny Ramone hated everyone and vice versa?

Cro-Mags is the worst, there is seemingly no way to get Paris, Harley and John Joseph in the same room together without bloodshed.

Hüsker Dü also seemed to have an unusually venomous dynamic.

None of you have been in a band with Eliya, and it shows.

jeff fox wrote: Tue Nov 04, 2025 5:24 pm Hating your bandmates fuckin rules.

haha

yeah, are you really friends if you don't hate them a little?

If you're not making money, I'm not sure why you'd stick with people you hate.

Krev wrote: Sat Nov 08, 2025 2:11 pm If you're not making money, I'm not sure why you'd stick with people you hate.

Sometimes the actual output is worth the aggro. I’ve had situations were I really respected bandmates ability/talent but wouldn’t hang outside of rehearsal. It’s rarely involved hating them… but definitely not friends.

Gramsci wrote: Sun Nov 09, 2025 3:52 am

Krev wrote: Sat Nov 08, 2025 2:11 pm If you're not making money, I'm not sure why you'd stick with people you hate.

Sometimes the actual output is worth the aggro. I’ve had situations were I really respected bandmates ability/talent but wouldn’t hang outside of rehearsal. It’s rarely involved hating them… but definitely not friends.

This seems like a workable stance for me if I'm in a band with someone like that.

M.H wrote: Sat Nov 08, 2025 7:39 am

Teacher's Pet wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 3:53 pm Got me thinking... who famously hated each other?

The Police
Talking Heads
Brian Jonestown Massacre
Dinosaur Jr (v1)

I think Johnny Ramone hated everyone and vice versa?

Cro-Mags is the worst, there is seemingly no way to get Paris, Harley and John Joseph in the same room together without bloodshed.

I came to post this. It seems like all the legacy punk bands hate each other and are very vocal about it if some dipshit comes around write an oral history of this or that.

I have made my greatest enemies through being in the same bands with them. I'm having punchy face -feelings for my current band mate, tbh.

So I guess NC? I don't know.

Indie music is amazing if you look at from an outsider perspective. You have 4(ish) people who formed a self-organizing collective to make pure art, sometimes intentionally abrasive and disdainful of commercial success! How does shit get done? How do you maintain a mutually respectful artistic focus year after year while hemorrhaging money? It’s amazing this thing ever works and is a real testament to what people will endure to make art.