Premier Rock Forum

CRAP 5

Way back when I first heard who the Hot Snakes were and simultaneously discovered Pitchfork, it was great. I could read their reviews and be like "damn, this album sounds tight," and most of the time, when I got it, they were right.

Granted, I was 15, coming out of my punk phase and looking for new music, but aside from their currently disgusting layout and poorly written reviews, I probably wouldn't listen to more than half of the music I listen to now if it weren't for Pitchfork. Sucks to say, but it's true. Still crap though.

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-review ... id-a.shtml

This prose is so purple reading it will bruise your eyes. It is very, very funny, albeit unintentionally.

This review is reason enough. Well, this and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

CRAP

endofanera wrote:http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/r/radiohead/kid-a.shtml

Wow. That's the funniest thing I've read all day.

By reference to the Pitchfork website, endofanera wrote:"The butterscotch lamps along the walls of the tight city square bled upward into the cobalt sky, which seemed as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap."

I refuse to believe that a human being wrote these particular words in this particular order.

This quote cannot be real.

"Black eyed angels swam at me," Yorke sang like his dying words. "There was nothing to fear, nothing to hide." The trained critical part of me marked the similarity to Coltrane's "Ole." The human part of me wept in awe.

The experience and emotions tied to listening to Kid A are like witnessing the stillborn birth of a child while simultaneously having the opportunity to see her play in the afterlife on Imax.

Jesus H. Fuckballs.

DrAwkward wrote:

"Black eyed angels swam at me," Yorke sang like his dying words. "There was nothing to fear, nothing to hide." The trained critical part of me marked the similarity to Coltrane's "Ole." The human part of me wept in awe.

The experience and emotions tied to listening to Kid A are like witnessing the stillborn birth of a child while simultaneously having the opportunity to see her play in the afterlife on Imax.

Jesus H. Fuckballs.

They did, however, give my band's first CD a pretty good review back in 2001. They ignored our second one, though. Crap to that!

Sorry, i meant to edit my original post. I'd delete the second one, but suddenly i can't find the delete button. I've had a hard day.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:

By reference to the Pitchfork website, endofanera wrote:"The butterscotch lamps along the walls of the tight city square bled upward into the cobalt sky, which seemed as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap."

I refuse to believe that a human being wrote these particular words in this particular order.

This quote cannot be real.

I believe the real author of this is "Sherry". Sherry now spells her name as "Schairee". She is an undergraduate poetry major, always clutching her notebook which bears the images of The Scream, Peter Murphy and Jim Morrison. She likes chai lattes. She always has questions during "Q & A". Her daring v-neck t-shirts, often burgandy or plum in color, would displease her parents a lot. She's thinking about starting smoking, maybe. One day, she ran out of laundry and she wore no underpants under her skirt, tights and other pair of tights. She described this to her friend "Elvin" (Alvin) as "sooo erotic".

No one "gets" Schairee.

This Brent DiCrescenzo stole from Schairee. He is a criminal. Pitchfork, booooooooo.

DrAwkward! Today sucks!* Brighter days ahead!


I was called a "fucking cunt" by a wealthy seventy-year old man I will have the pleasure of seeing again tomorrow. Who says these things?

DrAwkward wrote:
Jesus H. Fuckballs.

That's gonna replace 'Christ rubbery fuck' for me. Thank you sir.

johnnyshape wrote:

DrAwkward wrote:
Jesus H. Fuckballs.

That's gonna replace 'Christ rubbery fuck' for me. Thank you sir.

I think we may have just traded blasphemous interjections. Salut!

Itchy! Good to hear i have compatriots in my day of unyielding suck.