Tim,

My two year old daughter has this habit of calling all women, regardless of whether they're her mother or not, "mommy". I'm sure that this is just a phase, and that "mommy" is just her catch-all phrase for women. It does get a little awkward when she says it to my girlfriend (not her mother) or my housemate's girlfriend.

Should I be concerned? How would you play it off? I usually try something like "That's not your mom, silly! Your mommy's at (work/school)! That's your friend (insert name.)"

Tim,

It's been quite some time since my first question, but mostly because I haven't had that much time to consider your answer in full and respond with an update, until today. Since you answer a lot of questions, please allow me to quote your previous response:

These are serious questions. Well, it helps if you can start with one little area of your life that you can claim for yourself, unequivocally.

For example, I did this with music at an early age, probably 15 or so. Just went my own way w/it, aligned myself only with people with whom I felt a strong kinship, and got stubborn about doing things the way I wanted to do them.

Doing something like that will help you build self-reliance and in turn self-confidence. You can do this with absolutely anything that interests you--writing, painting, motorcycles, mathematics, whatever.

Also, you will tire of hearing this, but nothing can have 'long plagued' you when you are 22. I thought I knew a lot of things when I was 22. I wish I knew what I know now back then. Things are a lot better now.

I have thought about what you've told me, and here is what I've come to. For the time being, the only thing that I can unquivocally say I have claim to, is knowing about music. Though I am sure there are some on this message board who can put me to shame, in my slice of Ohio I have yet to be challenged with the exception of a friend when it comes to some pop music groups, since I tend to shun pop. This however, has lead me to the dilemma that NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT WHAT I KNOW. Most of my peers in this town only follow the DIY/pop/punk scenes here, and prefer to keep it that way. I have yet to find anyone here that I can form a kind of kinship with. As a result, this only makes me feel like a walking giant head of facts, not something you want to feel when you already feel pretty alienated and shy in the first place.

In the meantime, I do try to put myself out there and be sociable, but for the most part I just end up feeling lame. I come home from parties and shows wondering why I even bothered. It is not fun. It makes me feel like there's some kind of cosmic joke I am not in on. This is the big feeling that I have said long-plagued me before, because I remember having this feeling for quite some time, even before I was a teenager. Through out grade school I was a common fixture in the guidance counselor's office, trying to make sense of my place in life. Now that I am in college I have gotten better at just living with it, but it's still something that haunts me.

Would you suggest that I do? I feel like I'm trapped in this weird place in between worlds.

Robert G wrote:It makes me feel like there's some kind of cosmic joke I am not in on.

Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I remember reading somewhere on this forum that you had married your sweetheart from way back in High School days.

Really? Heck, what ISN'T of my personal information on the EA forums? Damn.

Was there a period where you were not attached to the sweetheart from way back in High School days or is this the only romantic love you have ever known?

Way, WAY back in High School days and before, sure, not attached. I only figured out how to whore around effectively about 9mos before my wife and I got together, though.

I'm not a guy who is, like, really needing to DATE or anything.

I promise I won't tell my girlfriend. She doesn't need to know that I post on internet forums. I hope she doesn't check my web history. I have an entire hidden browser for porn purposes-- But I would almost rather her find that than know that I post on the internet forums.

This is interesting behavior.

I don't do the porn thing, really. I will not deny that I have done the porn thing on occasion, but to the extent that it consumes any significant time or effort AT ALL, I'm not into it.

We're talking about a porn thing every 18mos or so. Tops.

Then again, I've been w/the same woman for a couple decades. Perhaps things would be different if this was not the case.

Ah Tim.

Ah...you.

The new zombie movie. Will you see?

Zombies...better than gladiators. For sure. But only just.

Sorry, Tim, I set you up for that one.

I didn't watch the clip, but it's something from Airplane! ? I love Airplane!.

Hey Tim,

My Silkworm shirt arrived last week

thanks

u bet. were running out.

Hey Tmidgett! I was just in Paris too, tho with my brother. I saw no fewer than three public displays of breakdancing.

You know, I think I was in proximity to such things. I didn't bother to look to see what the hell was going on. I knew no one was playing music, so I figured it had to be some kinda jumping about.

Why do the French seem to love breakdancing so much? Could CocoRosie's French beatbox guy be a consequence of this?

Consequence, yeah. Or symptom.

I know you are not big on refined carbs, but how good was that fucking bread?

Fucking awesome bread.

I fucking wish we were comin' to TX next month! What the fuck!

Who is your favorite ninja?

Interesting question, since the best ninjas are completely goddamn anonymous to the point of being nonexistent as far as any non-ninjas are concerned.

I'd have to say some badass ninja who has kept his shit private over the course of a very long and deadly career. I don't know who he is, you don't know who is, and we never will know him.

Or her. All things considered, I am slightly prejudiced in favor of women. Women and blacks. And gays, actually. So if there's a black lesbian ninja fitting this ninja descrip, there's my favorite ninja, probably.

My two year old daughter has this habit of calling all women, regardless of whether they're her mother or not, "mommy". I'm sure that this is just a phase, and that "mommy" is just her catch-all phrase for women. It does get a little awkward when she says it to my girlfriend (not her mother) or my housemate's girlfriend.

Eh, she's two. She can barely even talk. Do these women have a problem with it?

Should I be concerned? How would you play it off? I usually try something like "That's not your mom, silly! Your mommy's at (work/school)! That's your friend (insert name.)"

I would do that. I wouldn't be concerned, unless I was invested in someone who got a bug up her ass over the way a two-year-old talks. If your gf has no bug up her ass, then I wouldn't even think about it.

It's been quite some time since my first question, but mostly because I haven't had that much time to consider your answer in full and respond with an update, until today.

OK, well, let's have it! Let's answer some shit!

Since you answer a lot of questions, please allow me to quote your previous response:

I read this, and I remember this question.

I have yet to find anyone here that I can form a kind of kinship with.

This is the only important part of your post. I understand wanting to examine the other aspects of it, and I did plenty of this myself at your age or thereabouts. But believe me--this is the only important part.

"Yet to find." You are a young person, very young. Sorry--it's true. I still feel kinda sorta young, and I'm much older than you are. If you were a girl, I wouldn't even have it in me to be at all physically attracted to you. That's how young you are.

All you have is your life to lead--this is coming from someone who doesn't believe in God or any of that, I don't believe 'it's all connected' or there is some kind of spiritual jasmbasm that holds everything together. If you believe in God or whatever, then maybe you have some kind of spiritual belief to hold onto, as well.

But if not--bare minimum, you have your life to deal with. The rest of it, may it be long.

Being "yet to find" something, this is no great negative. It is irritating, sure. I am yet to find a few things, though most of them are trivial, since I've been a lucky motherfucker in several respects. But at your age, I felt as if I was yet to find a lot, and it ate at me in some regard, much as this lack of whatsis is eating at you.

What will probably be more difficult is when you DO find someone who fits your needs and s/he disappoints you miserably. Or dies. Or rejects you.

These things will happen, as surely as your struggles right now are happening. I don't think there's anything noble or glorious about this aspect of life, but it does have the effect of making a real, substantial link with someone seem like just about the greatest thing on Earth.

I guess my main advice would be to not get too hung up on yourself. Get hung up on other people. Be interested in them, not as potential elements in a collection, but as discrete and lovely creatures who, whatever their flaws, have charms and beneficial effects unique to each of them. Give people the benefit of the doubt and at least as much respect as they deserve. Require some evidence of genuine shittiness to cut people off completely (but do cut off the fuckers--they are a waste of energy).

You don't need to suffer fools to do any of these things. You just need to change your focus from your own inner workings (which you have plenty of time to figure out) to the workings of other people.

A nice side effect of this is that watching the way other people do things can tell you stuff about yourself, if you're honest enough about your behavior to know what your issues are.

I didn't really start paying serious attention to anyone but myself until I was AT LEAST as old as you are. I am still a selfish fucker in some respects. So it's not like you've wasted time, as least not by my standards, which may or may not be good ones to use.

It's easy to get lost in your own thoughts, fears, insecurities, whatever. Most people do. I do. It's hard to live an outwardly focused life. You'll get disappointed a lot.

But the people I love and admire most in the world can do this, and they do it not out of mindless optimism but as a principled act of faith. I do not think that on their deathbeds, people often suffer from having been too generous towards others. Maybe it happens, but not as much as people wishing they'd just given it up with more regularity. You know?

tmidgett wrote:This is interesting behavior.

I don't do the porn thing, really. I will not deny that I have done the porn thing on occasion, but to the extent that it consumes any significant time or effort AT ALL, I'm not into it.

We're talking about a porn thing every 18mos or so. Tops.

Then again, I've been w/the same woman for a couple decades. Perhaps things would be different if this was not the case.

I embellished my secrecy by saying "hidden browser". I just don't use Safari-- So it isn't in my "dock".

A friend and I were having a similar conversation and he was telling me about some computer program that will turn your entire keyboard into a magical button that will close your browser/media player/whatever and bring up a spreadsheet or the like. The program is only on his USB drive. It is also password protected. But there are two passwords. You can type in one password and the porn eraser is activated. Type in your other password and set it to bring up whatever you fancy. That isn't porn, probably.

Thought you would be interested.

EDIT:

When I said "I promise I won't tell my girlfriend". I did not mean that I wouldn't tell her about my porn-watching. That would be a strange statement. I was asking you about your personal life. You shared with me. I would never tell my girlfriend about your personal life. Funny joke, huh? The way I was quoted in your post took the sentence out of context and made me feel weird for a minute. I probably should have finished the last paragraph with it rather than start a new one, though.

Another sports question.
Why do people still root for their home team when they suck?
I don't mean when they don't win it all, I mean when they bomb.
Examples: Orioles, Royals, Rangers, Cubs (that's just baseball)
I could take this to the post Jordan Bulls and so on, but it's baseball season and the NBA playoffs are merely a Sunday thing for me since I'm rocking rabbit ears.
Is this some sort a masochism that has been left untouched by modern psychiatry?

A friend and I were having a similar conversation and he was telling me about some computer program that will turn your entire keyboard into a magical button that will close your browser/media player/whatever and bring up a spreadsheet or the like. The program is only on his USB drive. It is also password protected. But there are two passwords. You can type in one password and the porn eraser is activated. Type in your other password and set it to bring up whatever you fancy. That isn't porn, probably.

Thought you would be interested.

I have no use for this.

Any secrets I have are kept internally, like in my head.

I was asking you about your personal life. You shared with me. I would never tell my girlfriend about your personal life.

Are we bros? Because this is the kind of thing bros do for each other.

Fist punch.

Why do people still root for their home team when they suck?
I don't mean when they don't win it all, I mean when they bomb.

I don't know.

I rooted for the Mariners before they were good, kinda. I guess they were there, so....

I also converted immediately to White Sox upon moving here in 2001. That really paid off. I got to be an actual fan as opposed to a bandwagon-jumper when they won the Series.

Have to admit I watched about two games last year, though. Listened to a few on the radio. Then I found better things to do. Just a dreadful baseball team.

Hey Tim just a quick one: "what was the last thing you blew up?" Just wondering, thanks. Yale.

eephour wrote:Hey Tim,

My Silkworm shirt arrived last week

thanks

mine too thx!

tmidgett wrote:Be interested in them, not as potential elements in a collection, but as discrete and lovely creatures who, whatever their flaws, have charms and beneficial effects unique to each of them.

This is really well-put advice on, simply, how to have a good life. How to be happy. How to not be an asshole. How to get out of your head so that you might enjoy the so-much-beautiful-stuff around you.

I have forgotten to do this and have been significantly less happy for it.

Is really important, to go through the world like this.

Every person I have enormous respect for is in the world in this way.