The Killers! Your outfits are wild! Man, those are some wacky haircuts! Hot Fuss, wow, what an outrageous album title!

Jewel, I always thought chicks with one crooked tooth were hot.

Ministry, you were in a movie which was sort-of made by Stanley Kubrick.

Barenaked Ladies, the chances that you are serial killers is slim to none.

Peripatetic wrote:Dave Matthews- I won't kill you until I get done killing your fans.

Rob Zombie, you do not live in my house.

one of these is uncomfortably close to being my signature.

Rivers Cuomo, you seem comfortable enough in your sexuality to have spent the last 13 years sucking miles of horse cock.

Alanis Morrisette, you give better head than my little sister.

R. Kelly, "Trapped In The Closet" is a much less annoying concept than, say, a bombastic song cycle about the Muses.

Dear Mr. Franz Ferdinand, your shows are a great place to meet girls! Is there any way to make those girls interesting? Thanks!

Fallout Boy, you're not the only band whose hands I'd like to shave down to nubs slowly with a tool sharpener.

Coldplay, you keep my cd store in business. It dissappoints me, however, that some of that money goes back to you.