I worked for five years at the service desk in a grocery store.

- I got called "Ma'am" a few times (I am a guy). The only reason for this I could see was because I had shoulder length hair. I still wonder how that threw them off considering my full beard, shirt & tie and no boobs.

- We took recycleables (cans, bottles) and it was near a beach so people would make their living off of that shit. Anyway we'd get the most disgusting returns in there and people would always get mad when I wouldn't touch their bottles and said something to the effect of "no fucking way" to them.

- The best one I can recall was this:
The store was in the Bells chain of supermarkets and the guy who owned the one I worked at had a last name not very similar to "Herman".
One day some moron walks in and asks to speak to "Herman Bells" After I asked him twice to repeat that, I figured out that he was mangling the words on the front of the store and simply said "Oh, he's in the back."

when i briefly worked at radio crap shack, i got this phone call:
Me: Radioshack how can i help you
Lady: I bought a cell phone there yesterday and someone I don't know called me on it.
Me: Umm...
Lady: You sold my phone number to telemarketers!
Me: Ma'am, we don't sell the phone numbers.
Lady: You did! Someone from the State of Michigan called me!
Me: Well...that wouldn't be a telemarketer then, if they were calling from the state.
Lady: Yes! It was a telemarketer and nobody knows this phone number except you, so you must have sold it to telemarketers.
Me: Well, you know, they just passed a law that telemarketers can call cell phones now, you signed a paper when you bought the phone stating that you understand this.
Lady: No I didn't!


It went back and forth like that for quite a while, probably 20 minutes. I was trying to close up the store and couldn't get her to shut up.

a woman once wanted to return a CD because "it sucks"

i explained to her we can't accept open CD's for copyright issues, unless it's damaged and all we can do then is return it for a copy of the same thing.

after going in circles for 15 minutes i explained that her problem was with Shania Twain not with the store. she left and returned 5 times in an hour. she was not uncrazy.

When I was a tech support person for a fairly large university, I often got phone calls from Windows users asking headscratchers like these:

"I pressed the HELP key a half hour ago and nobody has come up here to help me."

"The screen says 'press any key to continue' but I can't find the ANY key."

Ok, maybe I'm a typical dipshit customer, but some of these don't seem that bad.

BadComrade wrote: "Do you buy CDs?" (It's a used CD store...)

This person probably just meant "So, give me the low-down on trading in my CD's." That's a weird thing to say, so instead he/she posed it as a question, hoping that, as part of your answer, you will give them the low-down. I'm pretty sure I do this a lot.

BadComrade wrote:"How much are the CDs?" (100+ neon colored signs in the store that say "price inside the case!")

Well, if the price is inside the case, that's pretty unusual. I would kinda wonder what the deal was if I looked at a storeful of CDs and saw no prices on the outside. Maybe I wouldn't notice the signs either.

But, like I said, maybe I'm part of the problem.

i work in low-level graphic design. I often get asked to size things to 4/8" or 5/10" or what not.

glynnisjohns wrote:

BadComrade wrote:
People yelling in to their cell phone "Hey buddy, can you turn the music down?" .

I actually save up all the anger i have for this one. So i can tell the jackass "no" Take it outside Danzig!

That's rich!

"Can I ask as stupid question? What is these bags?"

This made me do that thing where you laugh really loud but with your mouth closed.


Working for Directory Enquiries ("information") I used to get a lot of calls late at night for The Samaritans. I'd ask which city and a lot of people would say "Any" and I'd say "Well which city are you in?" and more than once they'd start shouting down the phone "JUST GET ME THE SAMARITANS, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF" and it was so hard not to say "Well if you want to kill yourself don't phone the samaritans, they'll only talk you out of it".

I waited on tables to get through university. I spent a lot of time passed out in hot bathtubs after my work shifts and not enough time meeting with my advisor - not even once. Oops.

Anyway, so tables were bumbled upon. Typical university area waiter getup: horrid knit shirt, khaki pants, sneakers. Hot-t-t-t-t.

The stupidest thing I ever heard from someone I waited upon?

Was it the guy who demanded that his iced tea never get down 1/4 inch or he wouldn't tip me anything?

Naw.

Was it the dudes who were still drunk when they showed up for breakfast and ended up puking in the back hall and ditching their bill?

Naw.

Was it the one time when those guys asked me, "How much would it take for you to come back to our hotel with us?"

Naw.

It was the two! fucking! times! I was propositioned in this way - at two different restaurants.

I handled it super well, though. Yup. Both times, jolted out of my normal crazy hectic flow of tablewaiting, I ended up turning to face the tables and absolutely screeching, "ARE YOU PROPOSITIONING ME BECAUSE IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING THEN I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE SUGGESTING I MEAN ARE YOU ACTUALLY DOING THAT OH MY GOD." Then, bolting away and hiding in the kitchen for a long while.

Table 1: I never went back to them and they left me a 300% tip.

Table 2: Okay, these guys didn't actually try to pay me for sexual services. They just really pursued me. It was odd. It turned out that my co-worker was auctioning off my phone number to the highest bidder. They sent me airplane tickets to Toronto (I could bring a friend), set up a hotel room for us and got us tickets to the Rolling Stones. No, I didn't go, Mr. Sicky Brain. Geez.

Greg! Where's your beer rag?