For me it wasn't really about revenge, it was about being to do what I wanted to do all along but had had to censor to be in the relationship...I totally agree that the idea of revenge is ridiculous and you will always regret acting like a dick just to try and 'get back' at someone who probably will just pity you because of it...Ah well, that's all I've got to say on the matter, I'm only 20 for God's sake...

Tom wrote:

Ally In Exile wrote:anyway, i think "go get laid" is actually pretty good advice. i used to scoff at this notion, that sex is a solution for everything, but these days it seems to do the trick. getting kinky with someone new wont make your pain go away, but it will help put things in perspective. which is to say, it'll help you get over the preciousness you're inevitably clinging to, the idea that the one you were with is irreplaceable. (for better or worse, most of us are as replaceable as life is absurd, and the sooner one realizes this, the easier it is to live.)

Yeah, uh... where is this fantasy land where you can just get laid at the drop of a hat? Shit is hard work, isn't it?
Oh wait, guess I'm just a fuckup. Is it that I'm a fuckup or that in practice it's actually harder to get laid then everyone on here is making it out to be.
I don't mean to sound like I'm out there looking for it or anything, cos yeah.. I KNOW that won't get you laid... but shit man, I play in a rock band, I ride a motorcycle, I can occasionally spit out some acidic wit... Fuck it... I'm going back to work.

Chuckles, don't worry about it. You'll have a few weeks of just shit and then you'll be fine. Best advice I can give is to avoid all contact with her and any mutual friends, don't go to the places you went with her, and you know, just avoid anything that reminds you of her. Just forget her.

Wait, are ya'll talking about getting a hooker? I don't think that's a good idea, unless it works out ok.


I dunno.

i don't think it's all that difficult to get laid. you just have to learn to not care too much. i find that as soon as i stop giving a fuck what people think, and just enjoy life on my own terms, a lot of opportunities arise. i'm no womanizer, but i do all right, especially for a guy whose head is in the clouds half the time. women are just people. getting laid isn't such a big deal. sex isn't a handshake, but it's no where nearly as consequential as many make it out to be. i think if more guys (and girls) were relaxed about it --- not to mention a little more tactfully frank about what they're really after --- they'd have more success.

Another thing I firmly encourage is to not pursue any information about the ex or cheese doodle she has taken up with. It is a painful exercise, which doesn't help to unravel any of the excruciating shit swirling around in your head. You must live in your present, not hers.

Place all emails from her into a separate folder.
Do not google her.
Do not google him.
Do not inquire about her to mutual friends.
Put pictures away for now.

I don't think phildodd was talking about revenge, just indulging in things that were subverted for the sake of compromise. These things make up an important silver lining. I delighted in getting to live alone, and not negotiating money, time or space, and grabbing ahold of things that had been shelved for the sake of preserving my last relationship.

I think revelling in those things is important.

Chuckles/Stephen,

You have received some great advice. Do not worry about sounding "whiny" on this forum.

I had to end a four year relationship exactly one year ago. I moved across the country and started a completely new life. Did it get any better? Some. But man, it's gonna take time. A lot of time. I tried sleeping around. It ended up making it worse. This whole "fuck a lotta chicks and you'll feel better!" thing is bullshit. Then I tried jumping into a new relationship which soon failed and I had to end it a few months later.

My contribution (besides the obvious alcohol, Goat and porn): go lift some weights. Seriously. You'll feel a lot better. Get a bike. Load up your ipod and walk an hour or two a day in a nice part of town. Keep regular hours.

Listen to Chavez's Ride the Fader at a ridiculous volume.

Watch the malnutrition thing. Treat yourself to some high-quality, healthy food: go on a Trader Joe's spree and get yourself some Baby-Del cheese and some of those multi-grain crackers.

Oh, and man, if you have any "cinematic or pictorial mementos" (EDIT: "adult" cinemantic or pictorial mementos, that is) as we so often have these days in the digital age, delete immediately or be prepared to prolong the depression.

And take solace knowing that if you post here on electrical, you must be cool and therefore are guaranteed another high quality lady-friend in the future.

itchy mcgoo wrote:Do not google her.

Boy is this sound advice.
The last time I googled the You-Were-The-Love-Of-My-Life Ex, I found out that she'd been arrested for resisting arrest with violence, assault on a police officer and posession of type 4 narcotics. That'll spin your head.

Thank you everyone for advice and input. You people can stay over at my house any time you like. Not in the nice room but in the small one with the weird carpet.

Itchy, I have been ignoring your advice and wanting to know stuff about her. I think you're probably right but its difficult for me, I still care about her and want her to be happy.

I'm not sure I can delete all my pictures etc yet though, Connor. Even if I could my memories would still be there and they haven't quite perfected the "Eternal Sunshine" technique yet...

Rodabod, with any luck I will find something to take my mind off it this weekend- a bunch of us are in a 48hr film contest so that'll be busy and fun, I hope.

Tom, avoiding things that remind me of her is tricky, though I'll try. Seeing or hearing the word "Bristol" where she lives hurts. Driving my car (which I drove in to see her every couple of weeks) is weird. I know, I'm a big pussy.

And I'm trying to make the Princess Leia Bra, Mister Harvey, but who can get those fucking fasteners working right?

Thanks again, you lot. The world's premiere rock forum (tm) is scientifically proven to help people. *







*not scientifically proven

This should cheer you up chuckles.
http://www.petebevin.com/archives/signals.html

chuckles wrote:I'm not sure I can delete all my pictures etc yet though, Connor. Even if I could my memories would still be there and they haven't quite perfected the "Eternal Sunshine" technique yet...

I meant any kind of "adult" memento (which are often a part of long-distance relationships).

Christopher_Dragon wrote:This should cheer you up chuckles.
http://www.petebevin.com/archives/signals.html

http://www.petebevin.com/kittens/

oh man....

connor wrote:

chuckles wrote:I'm not sure I can delete all my pictures etc yet though, Connor. Even if I could my memories would still be there and they haven't quite perfected the "Eternal Sunshine" technique yet...

I meant any kind of "adult" memento (which are often a part of long-distance relationships).

Ok, that makes more sense. Sorry, chap.