Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:

M_a_x wrote:I think Miracle Whip is better for bologna sandwiches.

When the mental image of eating a bologna sandwich with either mayonnaise or Miracle Whip entered my mind, another image, that of scraping a days-dead squirrel from a dirty street, cooking it on a stick over a cow dung campfire, and eating the cooked squirrel without using my hands, immediately took its place.

I lean toward the squirrel scenario.

I've never once had bologna. Have always found it repugnant, though I HATE the taste and texture of "lunch meat" in general, so even if bologna wasn't Z-grade, I'd still pass.

My older brother Pete, conversely, likes it. Apparently while he was in jail for a while he was pretty content with little more than having a roof over his head and bologna and mustard sandwiches to eat.

Marsupialized wrote:I have never once in my life eaten either miracle whip or mayo.
Not once, never.
I have no idea what they taste like, but I have an idea in my head and I want nothing to do with it.

Bullshit! Are you telling us you've never had a a proper BLT while living in Chicago all this time?

No fucking way...

Unless you're the type to hold the mayo. (Typical honkey, always have to complicate the order.)


Never had miracle whip and assume it sucks but I like the 365 brand mayo they sell over at Whole Foods. Sometimes when I'm too lazy or tired to cook I'll just take this mayo and spread it on a decent bread and just eat it like that while stuffing handfuls of lettuce down my thoat and maybe some tomato. (The poor man's BLT is still a hell of a lot more dignified than eating bologna.)

Personally, I prefer Vegenaise. Though regular light mayonnaise isn't that bad. Keep the Miracle Whip away from me.

Miracle Whip.. eh.. it's not so bad but I never buy it.

If you haven't had real mayonnaise, you're missing out. It's truly a great sauce. Never had Aioli? You lose. Big time.

A really great BLT with home-made bacon and lettuce and tomatoes out of your garden is one of the best things about Summer ever.

Oh, and that "veganaisse" and other assorted hippie condiments can eat a bag of dicks.

zom-zom wrote:Oh, and that "veganaisse" and other assorted hippie condiments can eat a bag of dicks.

You ever tried it? It's far fuckin' out, man....

Yes.. I've had the misfortune of eating the emulsified oil concoction.

"Egg-free". Might as well write "Flavour-free" as well and really sell it.

I grew up on the stuff: lots of bologna sandwiches with Miracle Whip.

I will never knowingly eat it again but I can tell horror stories of the stuff we would eat at my house growing up. We would get food poisoning on a regular basis as my Mom insisted on cooking the food early in the day to 'get it over with' and then letting it sit on the stove for four hours or so. Tasty!

We also ate a thing called Bar-b-cups, which was, you guessed it: barbecue in cupcake cups. There was also a concoction called River Goop and my worst memory was the chili from the night before which was recycled into pizza sauce the next day.

My mom thought that you could cook anything in a microwave, her greatest creation was something I called Chernobyl Chicken This consisted of a chicken breast (pre-packaged from a warehouse food type store) with a big stalk of broccoli and a large slice of Velveata melted across the top. The cheese cooks a lot faster than the chicken so the chicken was a bit rare.

Homemade mayo is very good though...

etch wrote:...I can tell horror stories of the stuff we would eat at my house growing up. We would get food poisoning on a regular basis as my Mom insisted on cooking the food early in the day to 'get it over with' and then letting it sit on the stove for four hours or so.

Sorry to hear your mom wasn't the best cook while you were growing up -- that's gotta be tough, man. Shit. Kinda humiliating in a way but at least you've got those stories.

M_a_x wrote:I think Miracle Whip is better for bologna sandwiches...

This is wrong. There is only one way to eat bologna and that is fried, and in that instance you have your choice of two condiments: catsup or brown mustard.

Goddamn do I love me some Miracle Whip.

RANK!

Miracle Whip: I have loved you since I was a little shaver! When I finished making a sandwich as a young man, I would often get a knife-load of Miracle Whip "for the road" and lick it straight from the blade!

Real, home-made mayonnaise: I have not had enough of you to rank you properly, but I suspect you belong here in this list! That is all!

Regular Mayonnaise: I am not fond of you! You taste funny, and sometimes sour my stomach! In a normal 3-rank structure, you would be last! But...

Whatever-the-fuck-kinda-mayo-some-shitty-sushi-joints-put-in-their-roles-to-make-them-attractive-to-dumb-sushi-amateurs: You are dead last! You can (and should) go fuck yourself! I would not knowingly feed you to a deceased person!

This is my mayonnaise rank!